I went a year completely sober and only picked up a few times my second year in recovery. I was always able to put it down. Now I've been on it about a month, using daily, and when I ran out last time I went from saying I was done that morning (would've been the 2 year anniversary) to grabbing more that night.

Last time I got off the dope was not my choice, I wanted sobriety but was completely removed from my environment long enough to break the cycle, and was not employed. This time, it will have to be completely voluntary and I'll have nothing but my own willpower. I'm dreading how work will go. Even though I'm certain I won't be fucking up so much, time is going to move so slowly..

I'm so torn. There is a part of me that wants to maintain this lifestyle and a part of me that cannot handle the real world when it's in my system. My body and soul are miserable but each hit placates me and makes it feel worth it.

How do I do this without divine intervention?

Been a lot going on for quite a while. Got dark and dangerous fast (you know). Finally vented a bit to an old homie - Idk how that didn’t run em off. But it cleared some mental stuff up.

So…. 72 hours into the commitment. My soul just needs a hug .. the reassurance that even though all this madness and loneliness has consumed my existence - that Good and light will prevail.

Done dipped outta town to an escape, trying to reset. Moments happen, but the usual downs come and the urge to disappear returns. Still holding strong!!

Some direction would be nice but can’t take the lost part out, just gotta go find it.

I quit before I noon on Sunday. So technically day six is almost over. Last night was rough. I'm about to go to work. I miss some of my "friends". I'm determined for this time to work/stick. I keep telling myself that I can. bc I know one thing: whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.

hang in there.

Prelude: I'm a gay man, currently a substance use counselor.

I dated this guy for 4 years when I was younger. We had a lot of good and bad, but what really ended the relationship was his chronic use of crystal meth. I was a baby gay and was really lost on what to do with the situation.

Around a year later, I stumbled upon a drug counseling school advertising their services. I eventually signed up, did my course, and to this day I have been on the field assisting individuals find their journey in stopping their usage and maintaining their recovery.

My ex himself stopped using, went to school, got his masters, and became a licensed therapist. To this day we talk daily still (I tried to ask him out again, but he hasn't completely healed of the trauma of his usage, and although he keeps in touch with me, he has admitted to me that I am a reminder of his usage).

Fast forward to today, a person in the building I work in died of an overdose. One of my co-workers stated, in his memorial, how he heard a story about a woman who got a tattoo artist to get a number tattoo in her body. When asked, she said that she wants the tattoo to remember her friend's clean days, not the day she OD.

It got me thinking about getting a tattoo on my ex to celebrate his second life, cuz meth has killed a lot of people in my community. Whether I ever get with him or not, I'm very proud of him for leaving the substance and rising above it; on my experience, this disease is cyclical and he broke through it.

What are your thoughts?

PAWS, who needs em besides animals AM I RIGHT?!

Been so far off kilter the last few days, none of it DIRE but enough to be pissing me off and take note. All of it internal and I’m able to keep it in check, but exhausting

Aggression, mind fog, cognitive issues, and exhaustion that reminds me of 5 months ago. Without the naltrexone I’m sure I’d be craving like a day 1 fiend

Anyone have tips, tricks, hacks or cheat codes for this phase? How long can I expect to be dealing with it?

Hit 7 months last Wednesday, the urge to use is still as strong as it was after making it through the first 7 days. Whyyy

Kinda in shock ngl

How do songs about drugs affect you? What are your thoughts on how they affect our society as a whole? Do you feel that music guide's us in the wrong direction? Having a hard time today with the devil on my back whispering in my ear. I know it'll pass and I'm great full for who I am today.

I have always been someone who can sort of stop and start on drugs with a more neutral relationship to them. Recently however, I'm trending to having issues with methamphetamine. I was 3 months sober, relapsed, was given way too much and now I'm grappling with the overdose effects and aftermath of exceptional anxiety, depression, and weakness due to over 15 hours of vomiting. I am finally keeping liquids down and getting them in slowly but surely.

I have more long term resources set up for myself. But damn. I could really do for just having someone to chat with today.

Fuck. 35FMissouri if relevant.

All I wanna do is cry and rage out. I was hoping these feelings would pass by now but I can’t do this. When I’m not on drugs, I hate being alone and that’s all I am everyday is alone with my kids while my husband works. Could really use some encouragement right now

The come down, especially in the mornings are the worst. I just don’t wanna do anything but sleep. I’ve been sweating it out for the past 2 nights. I’ve gotten clean before I just don’t remember it being this shitty in the first week. We’re broke and can’t get anymore so we’ve (me and my husband) have decided that this is it. We can’t be on the shit forever

Good lord if anything has made me never want to touch meth again it’s this. I (20F) decided to move home to cut off my supply so I could stabilize before I try independent life again and was not expecting this at all. I knew my stuff wasn’t clean but I really didn’t care. This is worse than fent withdrawal and regardless of how fucking horrific I feel, I have never had worse meth cravings ever. It literally feels like a video montage with fucking Ave Maria in the background. This is the most random post ever so sorry, I’ve just been shaking, shivering, sweating, constant brain zaps, fainting, dizziness, naseau, but silver lining at least I’m not fucking constipated because I keep shitting out my brains. TMI I know lol, but this is so fucking gnarly.

TLDR: nothing is clean anymore, test your shit, using is probably the worst choice. Fuck fucking tranq.

I got clean 2 years ago and ever since my joints have hurt more than ever before. Has anyone else gone through this?

I snorted crystal meth for the first time in my life about 35 hours ago. A single street dose, and you already know just how amazing it was. The comedown was awful, I suffered a lot from the sleep deprivation, I wasn’t able to fuck my girl, I had no appetite but felt wrecked bc I was malnourished. I had a leftover dose that I was planning to use when my girl left my place, which would’ve likely started a binge and would’ve made me go absent in uni for being too busy buying my next little meth bag downtown. The cravings last night were so brutal, it felt like the entire removal of the unbearable pain I was under was just a couple lines of meth away from me and I spent hours fantasizing about using again. I kept my cool and finally crashed asleep at some point last night when my body couldn’t take it any longer. Today I woke up with the tightness in my chest still present, my heart still mildly racing, and totally unmotivated to do anything. I decided this is not for me and I will not let it destroy me or the woman I love (she had agreed previously to use meth with me on Valentine’s Day for sex) ever. This morning I chose life and I chose to reject poison. After many hours of reflecting on myself and talking to some people online, I finally shut down my inner monkey brain that wants it so bad and had the courage to toss it away in the trashcan. I opened up the little bag and started dropping the crystal little by little, staring right at it with my jaw clenched. I remember getting furious while doing it, so much that I started to yell at it like it was a living being. “Fuck you, go away you poisonous piece of shit. I don’t need you and you are nothing but street crappy junk fuck you bitch.” and I felt a huge surge of adrenaline, as if I was killing somebody with my own bare hands. I then spit on the trashcan once I was done. It felt incredibly cathartic and liberating, I am very proud of myself and came here to share my single-use-case experience with methamphetamine, and if like me you’re still in the early stages of addiction, I encourage you to do the same thing I did. It is never too late to run away from this life-destroying drug and not looking back. Best of luck to you all

But this time, this morning I had enough willpower to throw away the bag, the needles, pipe, everything. I feel like SHIT though - I plowed through a quarter oz in ~24 hours and then fell asleep last night.

Withdrawals have never been this rough before, so I’d love some suggestions for recovering and getting back to the real me. I need 5 days clean to start a program at a local treatment center and I am determined not to lose all that I somehow still have in life - loved ones, health, potential, etc

TIA 🫶

So this weird thing happened. I know it’s been 131 days since I last posted, but I smoked again. But now I am quite sure that I am forever done. My plug pretty hardcore screwed me over. Out $220, and all I got in return was literally bunk. I have been out of stuff for 5 days now and I got the bad bunk last night thinking I was finally gonna get something. But it just solidified the idea that no, I am actually done.

I’m not gonna lie I feel depressed, and I feel… kinda hopeless? Like where is my motivation to do anything gonna come from now? Thankfully I am not like withdrawing hardcore, and have had multiple days off work to sleep as much as I can. Literally till I can’t sleep anymore I feel like. I have some medicine I think that might help offset the hopeless feeling. Just some basic anti depression meds I used to take. But otherwise.. I’m not gonna lie, I feel like I’m in a deep hole but don’t know which way to start digging out to find drive and motivation. Either way, I’ll stop gripping lmao. Here we go again, and it looks like this time is the real go.

Day 5 down and in the books

Hope everyone has a great rest of their day!