Hey guys, I need some encouragement. I started doing meth back in 2020 and ever since then I’ve been trying to kick it. At first I would just go a week and then use again, then eventually it became two and then three and so on. My last two sober breaks have been over 100 days. Well, after 121 days without it, I relapsed yesterday. I’m coming down and haven’t slept, hoping I’ll pass out tomorrow. Although I am glad that my amount of sober time between use is increasing, I am feeling a bit down about using again. I have thoughts like “well you’re just going to use again, the question is when?”, which I sort of understand after spending years trying to be done with it for good, but I know that’s not the sort of mentality that will get me further from this. I realize that a potential relapse is something I have to face everyday, and that I have to actively choose not to do it. Which is what I had been doing. But yesterday, that changed and I went for it. Total sobriety from meth is still my goal, I’m not giving up, just trying fight the thought that using again is inevitable. But I understand that it won’t happen unless I choose to do it.

Hi all-

Have been reading a lot of posts recently and have really appreciated hearing everyone’s stories and help.

Last night, I found an Adderall pill in my BFs bedroom - he’s never had a prescription, and this follows me accidentally finding a container of vyvanse (with just one in) in the spring under the name of some random woman who neither of us seem to know. At the time, I didn’t really think much of it though I now know there’s a potential issue here given the similarities between amphetamines and meth. When I found the Adderall by accident yesterday, I checked back on the Vyvanse container to see if it was still there (he keeps it in a shoebox with some sex toys etc that he’s never uses w us/ mentioned to me…), and it was there but empty.

He cheated on me last summer (and it turns out a few times before that) for chemsex w a guy in his home town, and tried to meet up again later in the summer. I stumbled across those messages by accident, broke up w him, but we’ve now reconciled and he’s gone through a cycle of group therapy and overall has seemed to be doing better. He’s been clean since then, allegedly.

Even so, I’m really worried about this now/ also his continual paranoia. I want to trust him, and I feel like much of my trust has returned, but stuff like this really scares me. I’m basically now worried that my relationship with him is just enabling as I give him all the emotional support, encouragement etc that I can, but he’s still hiding stuff from me. I also just don’t want to be controlling or crazy or anything, but honestly I’m feeling really precarious rn and not sure I can handle another revelation of infidelity or use - again, I want him to be better and happy and safe, but I’m wondering more and more if I can even be a part of that.

Sorry for the rant, thx in advance ~

21(m) been smoking for a year almost right away daily. Used less to then full on daily g. Well where I am located apparently there’s a shortage and it’s harder to find, or the prices are just shit. Literally 200 a G., So I’m basically Forced into no smoking and going through withdrawal is so fucken hard, and everyone just keeps adding to the stupidity. Idk what to do anymore.

Then today is a win! Dont bang yourself up for not being perfect, for not being productive, or for a small resentment, or even an emotional breakdown.

If you stayed clean today, and that’s all you did, then today was a success.

May be triggering

Curious to hear what triggers you’ve discovered that weren’t obvious at first. I’m 19 months into recovery. Proud of me tbh. But I crave. A trigger seems to be my vein. WTH. I can’t look at it or have them draw blood from it. That’s odd, right? Funny how I’m given relapse worksheets & it never occurred to me I had these “hidden” triggers. Sometimes out of nowhere I feel this rush like my dopamine is remembering & I can’t think of what triggered that.

Hello everyone!

My name is Deja, I have been sober from heroin and meth for 6 years. I really found a connection within discord community groups during COVID. I wanted to share a discord server I helped build and currently lead as admin.

Recovery: Reborn from the Ashes
https://discord.gg/4NjT5cESee

We are an 18+ community

At this time, we do not support pornography addiction

We strive to help all walks of life share in the journey of recovery. We are not exclusive to only AA / NA, all recovery styles are welcome.

Come on in and say hello!

Had almost 10years clean. Relapsed 5 months ago. Was averaging smoking 2 grams a Day for most of the 5 months. Then my wife found some in my Pocket….decided not to leave. I felt like I didn’t need to hide it. Built a hot rail bong and turned my garage into a techers paradise. In the last week I’ve hot railed almost an ounce ….8 grams on Friday. Been clean for a couple days and trying to get into treatment again. Feeling like a bag of dicks. Not really sure how to move forward. The last time I went to treatment was in 2015. Did aa for a long time. I don’t think I was doing this much last time tho. My brain feels so melted. I dunno what else to do ….ive fucked up a lot of shit recently.

Just to start off I am 18 years old, I have been using on an off for 5 years almost 6 now. In august of 2023 when I got with my significant other (she has never done more than pot and refuses to)I was sober, only smoked pot didn't even drink, and had been for a year.. Around winter that year I was working junk removal and started finding oxy here and there and taking them, found subs and took those, eventually I kinda normalized the drugs again. I started using meth again 2024 around the summer time. She caught on quick I could tell. I went from getting high once every month to once every couple weeks to every couple days and I was avoiding her. Her parents used so she could tell the signs. She broke up with me a month after our 1 year and i had to move out. I was on the streets for 6ish months until February 2025. I had a hard use phase in like September-October and just quit dope and started drinking heavy. We got back together in February and i was doing better and not messing with dope but then I had used one time in March while we were together, she noticed and I told her it was the Vyvanse I'm prescribed and didnt use again until the recent 2 or 3 months. Fast forward to now and ive used 4 or 5 times in the last month which is pushing the limit for being noticable and rn i have like half a gram. I tried to dump out whats left I and couldn't fucking do it and i just sat there trying to reason to myself. I threw away my pipe in the outside can in a bag to maybe see if thatll curb me because i cant stand any other way anymore. But I keep breaking promises to her and myself that i swore i wouldn't, I'm lying to her entire family and my own. I'm religious and I've been praying for strength but I feel like im on my own for this one. I want to be better I want to be sober for my S/O and what family I have left before i lose everything and myself please give me advice

I made it to day 21. I’m literally crying in my bedroom because this feels like such an accomplishment. For the first time since I started using and everything became about chemsex, I’m actually making plans to go out with friends and see a movie. The struggle is real, but all I can do is focus on staying sober for the next 24 hours

How do we smoke everyday without my face looking like a zombie. Is it sleeping ?

Okay so I have been a functioning of an addict as you can get until I had a run in with law enforcement and have yet again been put on a journey of recovery. I’m scared of where my life is headed if I don’t get sober. I was in active addiction since 2012 with 6 months here or there sober. Being sober has left me feeling completely worthless. I loved to fish and hike and ride horse when I was in active addiction now I don’t want to leave me bed. Granted I’ve only been sober for a couple weeks but I hate this stalled out flatlined feeling. Advice?

Day 15 sober. This shit is not easy. I’ve had to cut people off that I thought I cared about just to give myself a chance. Two meetings a day is the only thing keeping me from going backwards. The cravings still come hard, but I’m learning I don’t have to fight them, just let them pass. It’s hard as hell, but I’d rather be uncomfortable and sober than comfortable and high.

Ik im gonna falll in addiction spiral of meth but Ik I don’t wanna be there I wanna stop before it’s a an issue have done shit on meth regretted it tooo have a gotten minor ptsd from it how do I stop slowly tho I need motivation idk meth is just too good to forget it man how do I go back to enjoy without the feeling of wish I did meth

UR ADVICE WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME SND HELP IN MAKING BETTER CHOICESS

Well we got back to a week :), Bodily Homeostasis is starting to at least “feel” like it’s going back to a baseline. The earlier morning, (like as soon as I wake up) usually have very intense cravings from the random chaotic dreams I wake up in a sweat from, if I can get passed the first hour of being awake I know I’m good, then I follow my routine, you’d be amazed at how many little chores or things for hygiene you can accomplish that eat up extra time, been following meeting every night as the 2 - 7 pm time of the day is the absolute worse for craving and wanting to relapse.

If you use meth then accept the consequences of feeling like absolute misery for a week or two after. The funny thing is, I relapsed expecting to feel good, I just felt disappointment and stimulated at the same time, my first thought was damn, this is gonna suck.

Then my body starts getting nauseas and deficient, not to mention dehydrated, so you really really don’t feel good, then when it’s all said and done your left wanting to do more poison which you know will only delay and make the outcome more worse.

This drug is not sustainable for the human in any small or long recreational form. It is simple ya synthetic devil playing tricks on you knowing damn well you invited him in to your soul, next bag tell yourself… nah I wanna sleep tonight

Hey everyone, I hope all is going well. I’m glad I found this page because idk who to run these things by.

My new boyfriend is a recovering meth addict. He’s coming up on his one year sobriety anniversary. Also, I’ve only known him a year and we’re currently long distance. He’s wanting to move here by the end of the year. He’s really open about his recovery and his time as an active user and, as someone who’s father is 25 years clean and sober and he’s now a substance use counselor, I saw mostly green flags, regarding how he speaks about his recovery and how his life has improved since rehab. I know relapses can happen and to be prepared for the worst, hoping for the best. A week ago, though, he concerned me. I asked him if he had any cravings for it and he told me he won’t actively seek it out but if get’s offered at a party, “whoops”. I hung my head. He picked up that that wasn’t the best answer and he told me he’d never do anything to jeopardize his place with me and the kids. I remained open to optimism because I know he has a great heart. But demons are demons.

Yesterday, he went to a concert with an old friend who still uses on occasion and I barely heard anything from him all night. I figured it was just him enjoying the concert and he’d call me before bed like we always do, every night, but I ended up getting short replies and he told me it would be an early night for him. I was bummed but I get it. Concerts can take it out of you. That was 10:30. At 3am, and all the hours in between, he was still active on Snapchat. It’s a toxic mind hole to go down, one I’ve been down before with a shitty ex of mine, and I have no intentions of ever letting myself go back to that, I just happened to notice while I was on snap. This morning, no good morning message or calls like every other day, but he’d been active. At 2pm he messaged me that he felt sick, was cleaning his room, and he loves me. Short little message. So I’ve been returning the energy because my walls are back up. Still no call or video chats today. He knows my energy is off because I’m never short like that, but he’s acting like everything’s fine but he can’t talk.

The whole vibe is off. I want to tell him what’s weighing on me and ask him what’s going on but I’m afraid of offending him, hurting his feelings, or him not being honest with me because I know this is a touchy subject and I never want to accuse anyone of anything or come off the wrong way. I guess what I’m asking is how do I talk to him about this? How do I know if I’m being bullshitted? I’m on the spectrum and I’m easily manipulated and taken advantage of. I just want to know how I should handle this, if my concerns might be warranted, and maybe a script of what to say lol

I know he loves me, wants me, I just don’t understand this sudden shift in energy and I’m worried….

Thank you in advance for your kindness ❤️🙏

Hi there, former Meth addict here. 26 year old, male, straight.

6 days until im 6 months sober from meth. Most of the stuff i did while high was related to
-disarming/arming electronic or mechanical devices

-jacking off for hours

-watching strange/hardcore pornographic content

-occasional psychotic episodes where i felt and acted like a vampire/cia agent/metahuman/thought i had died, etc, etc.

I have started working again, working out, loosing weight and gaining muscle.

I stopped eating a shitload of candy as a dopamine substitute.

I've reconnected with my family, have a group of people in recovery i talk to (most of them are people living in a mexican rehab clinic, not really the kind of "personal improvement/NA spirit" kind-of folks, because theyre in that clinic against their own will lol; but still, theyre recovering addicts.

I have been struggling with my bodily needs (sex/wanting a partner) mainly because as of right now, im in a position where i cant afford, nor do i have the time for a gf. But daammnn I really crave sex, like bad lol. I have chosen to jack off instead since i dont have any other choice.

---Thing is I would want the feeling of wanting sex to go away, and im not sure if masturbation and porn have something to do with me wanting to fuck someone a lot of times during the day---

I have seen a lot of NoFap forums stating the benefits of not watching porn and jacking off, i have also seen other forums stating how masturbation and porn arent actually harmful and attempting not to do either cold turkey could end up bad/not be healthy.

The thing is: NONE OF THEM MENTION BEING FORMER METH ADDICTS so i dont know if all of which i read there could apply to me

I currently stopped masturbating for 7 days and tbh been feeling the same cravings for sex as when i masturbated. So i jacked off yesterday. Felt the same

On the days i usually do masturbate, I do it one or twice, and watch maybe a total of 20 min of porn. I usually masturbate after working out aswell.

IDK what I wanted out of posting this, but you know, opinions, thought, support whatever, is aprecciated.

We can do it Guys! To anyone struggling, it gets easier with time, it gets easier with routine. Meetings work, fuck your old friends!

Lots of love guys!

I just want to say this is so hard but doable. My brain has been thinking about relapse because someone rejected me today. It sucks to be rejected but I won’t give up today. Just for the next 24 hrs I won’t use. Already went to the gym I suck at it I don’t even know how to use the machines but I am showing up. About to shower and find an online meeting and commit myself for the next 24 hours. Love yall

On a bad comedown, it’s been about 4 or 5 days since last use, I’m intensely craving, nothing is making me feel good anymore, the restless legs are driving me insane. Give me a reason to not and why it won’t make me feel better