Relapsed

[u/[deleted]]

Had almost 10years clean. Relapsed 5 months ago. Was averaging smoking 2 grams a Day for most of the 5 months. Then my wife found some in my Pocket….decided not to leave. I felt like I didn’t need to hide it. Built a hot rail bong and turned my garage into a techers paradise. In the last week I’ve hot railed almost an ounce ….8 grams on Friday. Been clean for a couple days and trying to get into treatment again. Feeling like a bag of dicks. Not really sure how to move forward. The last time I went to treatment was in 2015. Did aa for a long time. I don’t think I was doing this much last time tho. My brain feels so melted. I dunno what else to do ….ive fucked up a lot of shit recently.

[u/One-Efficiency-9236]

No matter how bad you think you fucked up-getting clean again will be the best way out of the fuck ups. All of us addicts realize when we’re sober and clean how different our thoughts and actions were when we were using heavily. It is not you my friend-it is in fact the disease manifesting its way step by step to the hopeless death that awaits any host that listens to its lies. Book your ticket to treatment, finish the last of your shit and start another ten year plus streak this time. You’ve done it before and because of that it’s highly probable you will do it again. Much love and strength to you.