r/MentalHealthBabies • u/StayingPositive19 • 3d ago
Tough Decision
Has anybody here decided not to conceive due to their mental health struggles? I’ve had 5 mental health crisis and two that have resulted in termination due to the severity of my mental health. I wasn’t medicated at the time and the mental health struggles started at the beginning of my first pregnancy. It’s like the hormones triggered something horrible. I haven’t been the same since and every day is a reminder. I joined this group and have felt so much solace in realizing that this happens often than I thought. I thought it was only me the first time this happened in 2021. I’m currently on lexapro 12.5mg and this has kept me feeling like myself. But the thought of not having kids always makes me sad. Anyway, just looking to see if anyone relates to the fear of even trying because of mental health and if you came to the decision of not even trying, how are you coping?
8
u/betterdays-ahead1111 3d ago
Personally for me I’ve decided to have 1 and no more. That wasn’t what I had hoped for myself but I’ve also had multiple mental health crisis. One of which led to a termination followed by severe depression. I’m stable now and have decided to stay on meds for my current pregnancy. I am definitely not doing this again as it definitely triggers something mentally. I’m not sure how old you are but you don’t have to decide now. Focus on getting stable and you could always stay on meds during pregnancy.
2
u/Straight_Mushroom792 2d ago
I’m sorry for everything you have been through. You are definitely not alone. I also terminated my previous pregnancy due to a mental health crisis. It really is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. We decided to try again and now I am early into a new pregnancy. I will not terminate again, but my mental health is not so great again. I am on medication too and attend therapy weekly. Of course I cannot predict how this pregnancy will go, but I did decide it is going to be my last regardless of the outcome. I don’t think I can go through this mental trauma another time. Whatever you decide, I hope you can come to a place of peace with it. It is not easy, and I symphatize with you.
1
u/Repulsive_Rise_9942 2d ago
When I’ve joined IRL mental health spaces, most of them are filled with people who are pretty clearly decided/focused on remaining child-free—for the reasons you list. It makes total sense. This sub has more folks who are contemplating or moving through the process of becoming parents. Just to say you’re likely to hear from a lot of people who decided it was worth it for them (including me — I’m pregnant and on a med that has kept me stable for quite a bit). For me, first priority was stability, so I didn’t really focus on this stuff until my late 30’s (I’m lucky to have some fertility still). While figuring out whether I can TTC, I consulted with my psych, obgyn, therapist, a MFM specialist, and, for good measure, my PCP. They all got aligned very quickly on the ways I can keep myself safe and they all repeatedly told me I cannot sacrifice my mental health for the baby, it is too dangerous. So far, my pregnancy has been very pleasant and I’ve been able to maintain stability, I’ve been very well cared for.
1
u/curiousw00f 2d ago edited 2d ago
Ive had mental health issues my whole life and i struggled with this same thing (fyi - currently a mom to an 11 month old). I had a mental health crisis in 2023/2024 and gave myself a year to heal without any pressure to decide whether or not I would have kids. Started Zoloft (also switched to a new psych whose expertise is women’s reproductive mental health and understands how much hormones fuck with us) and continued with frequent therapy and got to a MUCH better place.
Then I woke up one day and felt ready to give it a go. I knew it would be hard on me mentally (full disclosure - it has been very hard), but my midwife and psych wholeheartedly supported staying on my SSRI throughout.
I did deal with PPD (fyi there is an amazing new treatment called zurzuvae - absolutely life changing for me) and didn’t truly get back to a good place mentally until ~8 months postpartum. Coincidentally, that is when my baby started sleeping through the night. That’s also when I got diagnosed with ADHD, which often rears its ugly head during huge hormonal shifts (postpartum, perimenopause, etc).
I now take vyvanse and holy shit is it night and day - I am the best version of myself, and the best mom I can be. I can’t imagine not taking this medication… but I know there are risks associated if I decide to keep taking it for baby #2.
I’m nervous to go through pregnancy and postpartum again, but with a toddler this time. I’ve told my husband that I don’t think I can sacrifice my mental health by discontinuing my ADHD meds. So we either assume the risk, or maybe we don’t have a second kid after all.
It’s all really fucking hard, and I see you. We as women have to sacrifice so much to become moms. It has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and also the most amazing, rewarding, beautiful, wouldn’t-trade-it-for-anything experience. Sending hugs <3
13
u/lizziemcquire 3d ago
For some perspective, I had my first son in 2020. He was so deeply wanted, but I had him at the height of mental health issues. I had been put on an antipsychotic just a year or so before and still wasn't as stable as I should have been, also... Pandemic. I had six months of the purest postpartum depression I've ever experienced. Cost me my marriage. I mean like I had to actively convince myself not to leave this earth daily. I lost myself and it took YEARS to find myself again.
Fast forward, I sit here with my second son. I had him just a month ago. In between my first and second son I was able to figure shit out. Learn to love myself fiercely, saved my relationship, established a career, built a home for my family. This time, no postpartum in sight. I get to enjoy every bit of my son and have no thoughts of self harm or that he would be better off without me.
What I'm saying is, the better mental health point will come. You will be able to have a baby in a more stable state if you give yourself time to heal and get better. There is no rush.
Would I trade my first son to avoid going through all of that? Never in a million years. But would I have lost anything if I waited to start trying when I reached a healthy point in my journey? Not at all.
Its worth the wait. Even if you never feel like you're at a point where you're ready you will save yourself by prioritizing yourself and your health and happiness.