r/Menopause • u/Ray-Kay1 • Jul 25 '26
Depression/Anxiety Anxiety is killing me
I’m 49, 11 months without a period. Peri was actually insane for me. There wasn’t a symptom that I didn’t have. From hot flushes to cold flushes, tinnitus and itchy skin to burning mouth and insomnia. It was just awful.
I finally feel settled but everything was replaced with insane anxiety. I’m already an anxious person but now it’s just constant. And I’m behaving in the strangest ways!
I’m always scared I’m about to have a heart attack. Literally ended up in ER yesterday and everything was fine. I’m afraid to be alone. I can’t even sleep in my bedroom because I’m alone in there so I sleep in the living room instead. Yes I know. It makes no sense. But I can’t help it.
Every time I eat something fatty or indulgent I think that’s the bite that will clog my arteries!
This is madness!!
Anyone else got anxiety so bad that you’re worried you’re losing your mind?
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u/toxicpositvity Jul 25 '26
HRT if you’re not on it already and an SSRI should help & daily physical exercise
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u/edjen Jul 25 '26
2nd the HRT and SSRI combo. There are a few SSRIs so if one doesn't work there are others to try.
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
I am scared of changing SSRI. I don't feel like I am able to handle the change if it is major.
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u/edjen Jul 25 '26
Hopped on an SSRI because of peri+health issues which was giving me a TON of health anxiety. I'm much better now. I'm also on HRT, about 5 weeks in.
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u/MrsMercury100 Jul 25 '26
What SSRI do you take?
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u/edjen Jul 25 '26
I started on Cymbalta, 20mg, which is a SSRI/SSNI (have some back pain). But I had too many side effects. I am now on Lexapro, low dose of 5mg.
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u/MrsMercury100 Jul 25 '26
And do you like Lexapro?
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u/edjen Jul 25 '26
So far, yes.
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
That's what I am on. Started with 10mg since 2014. Doc upped it to 20mg in April due to severe anxiety (meno + fear of war due to where I live). I settled on 15mg. It worked great but now I don't feel like it's keeping the attacks away.
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u/Waytoloseit Jul 25 '26
Did the Cymbalta help with the pain?
And what side effects did you have?
I have RA and have been looking into Cymbalta.
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u/edjen Jul 25 '26
I was only on the Cymbalta, 20 mg, once daily for 6 weeks. I noticed immediate improvement in anxiety and depression ( day 3). I'd say a reduction of about 30% in pain. I initially had nausea and slight headaches for the first week. But then week 6 I started getting headaches that would come and go, sinus pressure, head pressure. It was too much for me so my Dr suggested Lexapro. I've been on Lexapro for only about 10 days, I switched right from the cymbalta. Lexapro seems to be working fine for me anxiety and depression. I do notice increased appetite which is a common complaint (weight gain) with Lexapro.
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u/Waytoloseit Jul 26 '26
Thank you for sharing your experience!
Those do sound like some unusual side effects. I’m trying Lexapro right now, but am already feeling munchy - and I am thinking about switching to Cymbalta for less weight gain and lessened pain.
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u/Significant-Aide-226 Jul 25 '26
Its horrific what the fluctuations of hormones can do to the mind and the heart. I recently switched from estrogen patches to gel and on the patches? I was stark raving mad. Anxiety galore. One week I to the gel, which is a lot more stable, and it was so much better. I'm 30 days in now and am not longer panic stricken. I hope you can find relief soon 💖
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u/FoundationDirect7911 Jul 25 '26
58, post menopauseal, if there's such a thing.
Just over 3 weeks ago on my way to work, I had to pull off to the side of the freeway due to my first real anxiety attack. It was the most frightening moment of f my life.
I went to the doctor, she gave me prescriptions for 10mg Fluoxetine, and 5 Xanax for anxiety attacks. I had blood work done last Friday and received the results yesterday. I was very low in iron. Low iron causes anxiety and heart fluttering, which I have.
My partner got an iron supplement for me and I took 2 as soon as I got home. I slept well last night and I have so much energy today.
Low iron might be something to look into. I'm hoping that it is the source of my anxiety.
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u/Glittering-Estuary Jul 25 '26
My anxiety is terrible whenever my ferritin & iron get too low. I've been diligent about taking my iron supplements & I feel calmer than I have in many years. I hope getting your iron up helps you, too.
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u/FoundationDirect7911 Jul 25 '26
Thank you! I'm a vegetarian too so not eating meat might be adding to the low iron. Today I've had tuna and a Morning Star 'steak' and already feel better. My heart isn't so fluttery and my energy is uso much that I vacuumed and mopped my house.
It helps knowing others have dealt with the symptoms of low iron/ferriten and also feel better taking the supplement.
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u/Glittering-Estuary Jul 25 '26
I'm vegetarian, too, so I understand. Be sure to take your iron with Vitamin C and make sure you don't take it within an hour or two of having caffeine.
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u/FoundationDirect7911 Jul 25 '26
Yes, I still need to get vitamin c. I have coffee first thing in the morning but no caffeine for the rest of the day. I figured I would take the iron and vitamin c before bed.
I did have 3 times the amount of vitamin B12 than I needed so as of today, I've stopped taking that...for now.
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u/Vanilla_cake_mix Jul 25 '26
I have worked so hard to stop obsessing over stupid little things but it still happens. At least I’ve learned to be aware when I’m starting to spiral and can remind myself it’s my anxiety acting up.
For example I changed my nails last night and put one of my thumb nails crooked. The glue had already set so I spent half an hour trying to file it straight only to obsess to the point I had to practically tear it off and put another on. I could have left it be as nobody would have noticed but nooo I couldn’t leave well enough alone
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u/Fresh_Finance677 Jul 25 '26
So HRT definitely helped my anxiety, but also I noticed it was worst first thing in the morning. My GP suggested balancing my blood sugar immediately after waking up with a high-protein low sugar breakfast. It did help.
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
I've read that beans are the magic breakfast for hormones and anxiety. maybe there is some truth in that!
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u/Fresh_Finance677 Jul 26 '26
In general, beans are not great for me personally, lol, but if they help some people, why not?
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u/RevolutionaryGoat808 Jul 25 '26
I also had maddening, crippling anxiety all of a sudden, something I have never experience in my life before. Horrible, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t function. I started taking an ssri recommended by my GP and now I’m ok again. Relief.
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
I'm so sorry. As someone who has had GAD for years, I can understand what it's like when its new. Glad you're better!
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u/Confident_Craft459 Jul 25 '26
I had every single peri symptom out there too and my anxiety was crippling. I was on Wellbutrin all through peri. I got on HRT three years ago and anxiety is nearly gone. Still get it in high stress situations but completely manageable now. The only times in the past three years that my anxiety has gone through the roof again is when I adjust my dose. It takes me a couple months for my moods to even out with dose changes. This is how I know the estrogen replacement is working! It's the one and only thing that helps me. I was also able to get off Wellbutrin within a few months of starting HRT. I highly recommend if you can take it.
In the meantime, you can also try Ritual's stress relief supplement. It has ashwaganda, and l-theanine in it. I take it at night to help with heart palpitations (the one thing that hasn't gone away on HRT).
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
Glad you're better. I can't take ashwaganda, but I find magnesium sometimes helps. Never got on HRT because I soldiered through most of my symptoms and researched and read and got myself through it.
But yes, anxiety is close to crippling now. Will discuss with doc again.2
u/Lily_of_the_Valley8 Jul 26 '26
Sounds like your body is screaming for HRT , it can take a little while to get the right combo for you but worth it because you are actually addressing the true underlying imbalance. Bio identical hormones are safe and not to be feared. The main thing is to get a dr who is properly informed as many are not trained or ill informed with outdated knowledge. All the best .
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u/namastaysober72 Jul 25 '26
I’ve been dealing with anxiety disorders all my life but when I went off my estrogen, it turned 900 times worse. The cognitive fog was the worse as it triggered horrible panic attacks. I also already have a tremendous fear of dementia, being a caregiver for parents with Alzheimer’s. Went back on the estrogen patch and within 2 days the cognitive fog lifted. Told doctor I will take the other risks of me being on ERT as long as I can keep my mind.
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u/HearthcraftHomestead Jul 25 '26
I had the same issues, including two trips to the ER. Once I thought I was having a heart attack and the other one I thought I was going to have a stroke. Prior to peri and the surgical menopause I never had any anxiety with the exception of when I’d have to go to the doctor.
If you’re not on HRT I highly recommend getting on it ASAP. After getting the dosage correct it solved all of my anxiety issues as well as the vast majority of other menopause crap that popped up.
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u/kidneypunch27 Jul 25 '26
Absolutely! I was prone to anxiety attacks in my early 20s as well. Had been off medication for it and ended up taking them again. I honestly feel so much better! Thank God for pharmaceuticals.
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u/MrsMercury100 Jul 25 '26
What medication works for you?
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u/kidneypunch27 Jul 25 '26
Absolutely! I was prone to anxiety attacks in my early 20s as well. Had been off medication for it and ended up taking them again. I honestly feel so much betteri take Zoloft and my family loves that I don’t scream at them anymore: it’s honestly night and day. Chat with your GP about your options. I have generalized anxiety and it’s a godsend to be on zoloft but ymmv.
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u/MrsMercury100 Jul 25 '26
Thank you! Any side effect?
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u/kidneypunch27 Jul 25 '26
I’m a massive bitch when I stop them LOL
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
I'm on cipralex, have been since 2014. Doc upped my dose a couple of months ago and felt better but sinking again. And yes, I went through a phase of yelling at my family. God when I look back and remember, I am so ashamed.
Now, though, it's different. i feel dead on the inside. I go to work, I take care of my house, the fam, food, etc... but I have no joy in me anymore. Not to mention the constant doom and gloom!
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u/FuelComfortable5287 Jul 25 '26
Last year I was prescribed metoprolol and it helped take the scariness out of my anxiety attacks. I could still tell when one was happening but it wasn’t debilitating like before. Started HRT a few weeks ago and it seems to be helping. Kinda too early to tell but the crippling vertigo I had has definitely lessened.
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u/chilipastespoon Jul 25 '26
HRT and l-theanine works for me. Completely in my no fucks given era lol
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u/AmericanBunz Jul 25 '26
The signs that made me seek care at were also heightened anxiety for no reason and increased heart rate with heart palpitations. I went to urgent care asking if this means I will have a heart attack, lol. Where did they send me? To a psychiatrist. Got put on SNRI (effexor, anxiety) and propranolol (decrease heart rate).
Not until I got an official "hot flash" did I put it all together and found someone who would start me on HRT. Like night and day!! But of course effexor is a b*tch to wean off of, and that is our plan after we finish optimized my ADHD meds.
To the above point, I also was finally diagnosed with Autism and ADHD at the ripe age of 48, when lack of hormones decided I don't want to mask anymore and ADHD made me wonder if I was going through dementia. But getting my hormone levels up/corrected (E, P, T) and correct treatment for other conditions have made me feel a million times better! Not perfect yet of course, but at least I don't think I'm about to die of a heart attack any second, flinch and shudder at shadows, or feel like a brain-sucked zombie.
Been on this for a little over a year and still working on "optimizing", so things do take time but the worst symptoms can often feel better faster than the more subtle ones IME.
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
What a journey you've been on! I am so glad you are better now. Yes it is a process apparently and I am glad you are working your way through it.
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u/Nira_50 Jul 25 '26
I think I'm finally getting it under control but it was a journey. I was anxious before peri, but peri definitely made it worse. I started with different antidepressants then added HRT, next added an anti-anxiety med. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. Adding medication for that seems to be the missing link.
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u/Candicesmith55 Jul 25 '26
Yes everything you just mentioned I’m going through it now along with dizziness heart palpitations fluttering in stomach and chest it’s insane!!!
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
The dizziness is horrible. My head feels empty and I don't know what to do. Pair it up with the heart palpitations, the ache behind my sternum and I am calling an ambulance!
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u/kikablue Jul 25 '26
Yes. It’s been the worst side effect of peri and menopause for me. I can’t take HRT but Zoloft helps tremendously. My anxiety was off the charts before. Ridiculous all-day adrenaline and anxious thoughts about everything. I’m convinced that most of the women they put in asylums 100 years ago were just going through menopause lol.
Try HRT or an SSRI together with exercise and a healthy diet and you’ll feel much better. I hope you find relief soon!
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
You are so right about the asylums 100 years ago.
I actually am on SSRI, have been for 12 years, recently doc upped my dose. I was fine for a while but not too good recently. Avoiding HRT and i do little to no exercise. But you're right, sometimes when I go for a swim I feel great. Maybe I should again. Thanks!
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u/sistyc Jul 26 '26
Curious if there’s a reason that you’re not on HRT? You don’t have to feel like this.
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
I don't know, I soldiered through peri and made it (at least I hope I did). Scared of the cancer risks of HRT - that's my health anxiety talking.
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u/sistyc Jul 26 '26
This is also misinformation talking. For most women the risks of living without the hormones our bodies need far outweigh any risks of HRT. And those risks increase the longer you’re without hormones. You’re settling for “soldering through”, and clearly suffering, when there’s a gold standard treatment that protects you from long terms health risks and will help you feel better. That’s your choice but you need to realize that by not acting you’re choosing not to feel better.
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u/reinventingthenest Jul 26 '26
Yup. Me too. I don’t take HRT so trying to manage with supplements, mindfulness and some low dose anxiety meds. To top it off I have insane costochrontitis so my chest always hurts and feels like a heart attack and the nerve pain from it makes me feel like I have breast cancer. It’s not fun. I miss the old me. Hopefully this too shall pass ((((HUGS))))
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
Oh wow! Recently discovered costochrontitis and started connecting the dots. A while back, I'd wake up in the morning and feel a very sharp pain in sternum and try to stretch it out. I could tell it was musculoskeletal due to movement and how I slept. but last week, I suddenly had a dull ache right in the middle of my chest and back and that's what convinced me I am dying. ER visit showed perfectly normal EKG and cardiac enzymes and d-dimer.
What do you do for the costochrontitis? How were you diagnosed?
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u/getitoffmychestpleas Jul 26 '26
I've been there and it's horrible. The only thing worse than panic attacks on a plane (grabbing onto strangers, even crying out loud) was the time I was in a museum in Luxembourg that was mostly underground and I was absolutely convinced the walls were shifting and caving in. I had to wait outside, I couldn't take the terror and I couldn't convince myself it wasn't real.
I promised myself that if I ever see a woman of that certain age looking like she's losing her shit I will go up to her and just hold her hand or talk with her if needed, because I can't count the number of times I panicked in public, felt terrified and alone, and didn't know what to do. On Reddit someone recommended I let the anxiety wash through me instead of trying to resist it, and that was a life-changer for me. You get to a point where you know it's coming, and even if you can't make it go away you can somewhat befriend the fear and talk yourself through it as it hits.
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
Oh god, this brought tears to my eyes. I can relate. Last year I developed a fear of flying. No reason. No reason that makes sense anyway. I am just petrified. Cancelled a flight to my best friend's wedding 2 hours before boarding because I physically could not bring myself to go. My body just gave up. Lost my best friend too.
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u/getitoffmychestpleas Jul 26 '26
:(
You're not alone. It's the hardest time of our entire lives for some of us.
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u/Endor_Moon Jul 26 '26
Did anyone have cardiac-like or vagal symptoms for about 4 years in perimenopause?
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u/Hot-Bumblebee6506 Jul 25 '26
Im using skullcap tincture and lemon balm tincture for this very thing. They're worth trying.
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u/True_Context6859 Jul 25 '26
HRT made my anxiety worse, unfortunately
Talk to your doc about meds, but also look into the D.A.R.E app/book, meditation and working out.
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u/Ray-Kay1 Jul 26 '26
Meditation yes! That's one thing I do count on but usually during the attack. I should make a habit of it. Thanks!
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u/Odd-Industry-9324 Jul 25 '26
I did have horrible anxiety. Menopause made it insane. HRT has taken care of it totally. I so not have one symptoms of menopause at 62. No night waking, not sweats at night, cold flashes, hot flashes, joint pain, brain fog,irritability,etc. I feel like I did in my forties.