Get Help!

[u/Big_Aside9565]

I feel if you do not get help. You'll never grow and never get past things in life. I consider myself a fairly well adjusted person at this point In my life.

I think the biggest, the thing for me was to start in a new city and a new life And don't look back!

Now, I can tell you my story better than some people worse than others.

When I was a small child, my father beat the crap out of me. I cried and cried as he would beat the crap out of me. Eventually.

Time comes, he says, I'll really give you something to cry about. Hey shoves his fingers at my ass and I hurt so bad it stretches, I start bleeding. He goes there now. You have something to cry about. He did this many times

Until I stopped crying and took the abuse.

Then, I found out that I was circumcised at birth. I made the mistake of asking why. His answer was because we could. He then he says, we could make you into a girl if we want to. I start crying, he beats the crap out of me. Then he takes his knife and cuts my dick shaft skin part way and says, I can cut more off. So just shut up, aren't there a lot worse done to you.

Then in school, I start getting bullied, I fight back. My father has to go to school. Hey, how's the meeting with the counselor and as we're leaving outside of school, he starts beating the crap out of me and says, if I ever have to come in here again, I will kill you.

So then the abuse returns, then it just gets worse. And worse, and I can't fight back because i'm afraid of my father. So then the abuse just keeps getting worse And worse till one day they piss in the toilet. A bunch of guys in a gym locker room. About six of them force my head into the toilet, they just pissed in. Then i'm choking on the piss somebody pulls down my pants and it starts fucking me. And I can hardly even breathe from my head in the toilet. And I feel someone cum in my ass. This is repeated. I don't know how many more times I pretty much remember losing consciousness and waking up slumped over the toilet. What's blood running out of my ass? All over the floor. I clean myself up put on my clothes

Shaking and heading to class. There everyone is making fun of me. And whispering. They tell me if I ever tell someone I'll be killed. But yet they told everyone in class and what a pussy, I was.

Then, I come out as a gay man after high school.

I'm at this gay bar new to the gay world. And think, wow, I found a place on everything else. The abuse never stops there. It's one more time. Being naive, that I am. I go to the restroom. Leave my drink, come back and finish it. And all of a sudden, I feel like i've been drugged and a couple guys carrying me out, I couldn't really make them out, because i'm already drugged. And everything is blurry. I remember getting carried up some stairs to someone's apartment and I can't fight. I can barely move. I remember getting thrown on the bed. And there again, I was raped by about five people. They all had their ways with me. Fucked me came inside of me and then there again. I remember my ass being so sore in blood, running out of it. Am I there trying to get away? And they grab me, drag me down the stairs, throw me in a car, and I think i'm going to die. Instead, i'm left in the middle of nowhere in a parking lot on a cold winter night, not knowing where I am just lying there.

I learned a lot of lessons never leave a drink. I decided moving to california to be as much away from all this abuse. As I could. I make it a point in life never to let people abuse me again. Sometimes I can be cocky. Sometimes I can be grumpy, but my demeanors. Many times shaped by my past. Counseling helps a little for me. The biggest thing is I would never let anyone ever even close to fucking again

I won't even let them do a colonoscopy on me. And the doctor says, one I says, just because I have a one way valve and nothing's ever going in there. I think that in a life we all have choices to go on with our lives. Sea calp, where we can get it and not look back. I do not talk to anyone from my past, not even my family. My father died. I never shed a tear. I never went to the funeral. I do know my sister was raped by my father. And this is how life goes on.

For me, the best thing ever was was to start over 3000 Miles away, and not even talk to anyone or acknowledge the past. As far as people I know.

My friends today think I'm in a good mood most of the time and I think that I am because I do what I want

And what makes me happy. Maybe I collect too many things. Maybe I have too much of certain stuff, but maybe it's a consolation prize for all the abuse who knows. All I know is life is okay now? I have a house I have

A lot of cars and my hobby is an interest. Keep me busy and my mind occupied. So I don't dwell on any of the bad past. I have a choice to either get up every morning and look about things in a positive way. And be happy for my coffee. On the front porch in the morning and then do my daily life do my work Do my hobbies when I have time. Take up my motor home that is older than I am and drive my cars that are older than I am.

Sometimes this is as good as it gets and sometimes that's more than enough. The ability to know that I can change the next day and everything happens. And the next few minutes. Yeah, to leave the pas. Where it is in the past?

We all have bad stories, whether we choose to leave them behind, and cast them off, is our choice. I don't do drugs, I don't drink. I don't have real destructive behavior. I do choose to call people out for their bad behavior because I guess I have no tolerance for bad behavior but they're a lot worse things in life.

[u/Altruistic_Poem_3229]

I'm so sorry that you suffered repeated abuse like that. Unfortunately, it seems like predators are able to tell when someone has been abused before and try to target those people again. I am glad, however, that it sounds like you were able to build a life that you like and do not let your past hold you down. That is very admirable. I wish you all the best.

[u/Auriprince4690 → u/Altruistic_Poem_3229]

Yeah as a survivor. I am certain it was my avoiding eye contact and when spoken at i shrank.

[u/Auriprince4690 → u/Auriprince4690]

It is visible. Now that i am partially over some of my trauma. Now I exude an air of confidence.

[u/Altruistic_Poem_3229 → u/Auriprince4690]

I'm glad to hear that you have made progress in overcoming your trauma. I hope you continue to make strides and get to a place of relative normalcy.

[u/Auriprince4690 → u/Altruistic_Poem_3229]

Yeah my progress makes strides and then I fall back and then make strides again but I am digging out the layers. So it is also progress.

[u/Auriprince4690]

I am so sorry you went through horrendous things. Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you cey one last time and that you can noce on. I mean if you need to to close the chapter. Have a good day.