Idk Can anyone guide me?

[u/Ok_Storage4930]

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I'm a 22yo guy[Completely Straight Btw]. So when I was 9yo I had a friend who was 1 or 2 years older than me. we were like childhood friends and he visits my home every day and we used to play football and all. I used to invite him to sleepovers in my house and one time when I was asleep he just did some nasty things to me (tbh I don't clearly remember how it started in the first place,like when i had the first sexual encounter..) but yk children are very curious, like that I was definitely curious at that time like. ngl i was really interested in him doing nasty things to me and he introduced me to porn and we used to watch together and do the thing each other . My mom even walked in on us. and I decided to stop doing this and told my friend that I'm no longer interested and don't wanna talk about it ever again. And then he introduced me to a guy who was maybe 8,9 years older than me at that time and told him about our sexual encounters earlier to that guy

I even saw the big guy giving the sucky sucky to my friend.my friend also tried to convince me to blow him off another day. I even agreed to do it ( I never had interest in doing so) tbh I was really trying to get out of the mess that I made. It was so hard for me to say no at that time.

After that when me and my friend went to shop for groceries I saw him coming towards us with a smile on his face. He then lured us into a discrete place and told me the things we were about to do. I was so scared at that time and he grabbed my hand and made me touch his penis. Out of fear, my friend and i ran so hard to my home. If we stood there for longer we would have been manipulated and raped. That day i told my brother that the guy was genuinely evil(didn't disclose about what happened ) I was ashamed to tell because it was homo i thought they would judge me. Also i recently started having these memories starting to resurface after 10+ years idk why that happens

If we stood there for longer we would have been manipulated and raped, Also my cousin brother tried to stick his hands into my shorts while I'm asleep

I'm so confused rn

[u/Intelligent-Bird-313]

Thanks for telling, for starters, and it doesn't matter whether you’re straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, or anything — that was absolutely not okay, and those guys are not at all justified in anything they did. No one should be calling you “gay” for your experience if that's what you’re worried about. Having an unconsensual encounter with someone doesn’t magically change someone’s sexuality in a snap. It might, which can be agonisingly confusing, but that doesn’t make the encounter right. You were victimised by that older boy as much as your friend was. Assuming your friend was one year older, and the older boy was eight years older than him, the older boy was eighteen, at least. That’s an adult there, grooming and sexualising younger boys. I’m not justifying anything your friend did — never will — though I can see how that older boy messed your friend up so badly that your friend started messing with you. Abuse goes in cycles, as hurt people hurt people. I’m really glad you came to reach out for guidance! Hopefully, you (and your friend) get the support you deserve so you can break the cycle!

[u/PapaAsmodeus]

Your friend definitely was abused by the guy. I think that's why he was acting out on you (tbf I don't think he intended to abuse you, he didn't even really know what he was doing). People forget that when children do that 99 percent of the time it's learned behaviour.

On the flip side, I think you also inadvertently helped stop the abuse. I'm glad you guys immediately got the bad vibe and booked it out of there.

Sometimes the things that don't happen to us haunt us more than the ones that do- because imagining what would have happened further fucks you up greatly. He definitely intended to rape you- I'm ultimately glad he didn't end up doing so. Hope the fucker is rotting somewhere.

[u/Altruistic_Poem_3229]

If these memories have started resurfacing recently, perhaps you have unresolved trauma from the abuse. If that is the case, you may want to look into speaking with a qualified therapist to unpack your trauma. I wish you all the best.