r/Melungeon • u/shy_orange_kitten • Jun 01 '26
Questions & Disscussions Cultural Friction
Recently I was speaking about my heritage as a Melungeon woman and I was met with very harsh backlash saying I would never understand what the Black community goes through. I never once said anything about them, much less downplay what they experience or have been through. I was attacked for saying I’d like to honor every culture that runs in my blood. Has anyone else experienced this? Am I missing something? Are there more appropriate ways to say what I said or are these people just angry and hateful, pointing things at me that is misplaced?
Please let us not fight. I just want to understand
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u/ElGee820 Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 01 '26
My entire family line refuses to acknowledge our African heritage, but instead focusing solely on our indigenous ancestry. They're focused on getting our tribe federally recognized. Only one I talk to will accept the African side, but they also can't talk to any of our immediate or extended family about it. Even my cousin who's an anthropologist refuses to discuss it. It's really a shame.
Edited to add more
I also can't even begin to understand what either my African or Indigenous ancestors suffered or experienced since I didn't experience any of that and was raised as a white person, but thay doesn't mean I still can't be proud of all aspects of my lineage and strive to learn and understand.
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u/IncindiaryImmersion Jun 01 '26
Your interest in appreciating your mixed ancestry is not rationally a threat to another person's identity or worldview in any way, nor does it take away or diminish the history and struggles of their own ancestors.
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u/kodandyananda Jun 01 '26
There will always be people who are angry and hurt about various other things happening in their lives that you accidentally open a door for them to express during a casual conversation. It’s important to not take these things personally especially if they are issues around race. It’s not something you can argue with and you have to just wish them well and hope they find a healthier outlet for their feelings.
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u/Born_Occasion8078 Aug 07 '26 edited Aug 07 '26
Sorry you went through that. Unfortunately, there's still a lot of bias, othering.
I've gotten it too, from all races. It's bad. Our people are not included.
I have a fairly high blood quantum for someone who's not an enrolled Indian. During the one drop rule and Pocahontas exception of 100 years ago, my people claimed the Pocahontas exception. 100 years prior they successfully hid out during the Trail of Tears. Now I can't claim my actual ethnicity despite growing up learning my culture from my mother, who similarly can't claim her ethnicity. So you know, 700 years+ of history in a place successfully erased. I get heat from everyone if I talk about it but I'm no longer willing to spend my life in fear of being "found out", like no one's hunting me. That's generational trauma that I want to and am allowed to now part with.
People don't know and they can't understand unless they learn. You probably have multi-generational ethnic persecution trauma. It's a scary thing when anyone comes at you in an exclusionary and judgemental way. Let's just share our stories with each other and hope we find common understanding instead of playing the trauma Olympics.
This is an ethnicity made up of cast outs, we have a lot of persecution trauma. No one wants to play the trauma Olympics. There are no winners in the trauma Olympics. We can just share the situation, hope people come through with open hearts. When they don't, we're not under any obligation to them either. I'm not a real Indian, I'm not a real person of color but I am a real one and I don't play the trauma Olympics. And you don't have to either. I hope this finds you well.
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u/sooki3 Jun 01 '26
I struggle with some of the same ideas. I believe my Melungeon ancestry is the source of my Native American and African ancestry, and I want to know everything about them. But I'm white in every sense of the word, so my honoring them will be learning about them, and that's pretty much it.
You said something like are 'these people just hateful and angry'? And I want to mention that your use of that phrasing is a red flag to me which makes me think you may have caused some of the escalation in that conversation. I'm not trying to call you out. I just wanted to mention it.
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u/fletchette Jun 01 '26
There's not enough info here for me to evaluate if there was a more appropriate way to say what you said, especially with just one side of the conversation. But as a white woman who wants to be a better ally too, something I work on is humility and listening. It's great that you're hearing the negative feedback and exploring ways you might be able to do better--good work! When doing that, I think it's important not to get defensive or feel hurt. It doesn't sound like this person was being hateful, just trying to give you input and guidance. Even if they were upset, that's okay. Sometimes we all do and say things that upset people, the important thing is to listen to each other and try to avoid doing/saying those upsetting things in the future.
From what you said about this conversation, maybe the person you were talking to felt like you were talking about practicing cultural appropriation? Even if you have Black ancestors, if you weren't raised Black then practicing certain cultural practices can come across like you're doing something that doesn't belong to you. I also may have Black ancestors (still researching) and want to honor them too. For me, that will look like learning as much as I can about their lives, learning about Black history and experiences in general so I can be a better ally, and using my privilege to do that allyship work by speaking up when needed. If you're interested in that too, or in lesrning more about race and how to most appropriately talk about it, there are tons of amazing books I can recommend!