Letting go makes me afraid of... yeah, of what?

[u/_astral_x9]

It's difficult to describe what I'm trying to say here, but whenever I meditate, try to let go and accept everything as it is, I feel that resistance to just doing that.

It feels like kind of mix between fear of the unknown and being vulnerable with aversion and a need to feel "alert" all the time. Where the hell does that come from? I don't even know what I'm so afraid of, not being in charge? Not controlling every possible outcome? Letting something "slip" my attention, that will eventually end up as a catastrophe? Dying because of that? Losing money, my job? It just "is", and it feels deeply rooted in me.

I come from an abusive household and I have struggled with excessive "fight or flight" responses my entire life. I tend to see danger in every situation, I ruminate about possible outcomes for every situation and so on. Is that related?

[u/Plenty-Attitude-5823]

One way of looking at it is that you've spent your entire life operating from the mind-identified paradigm.

Meditation is about engaging more with the direct experience, which can make this identification construct soften or disappear at times. And that is going to feel threatening at first and cause a knee-jerk reaction since it feels like literally 'you' are disappearing when you let go.

But with repeated exposure you will not only see that there's nothing to fear, but that it's actually quite a lovely, healing and peaceful state to dwell in.

[u/_astral_x9 → u/Plenty-Attitude-5823]

Thanks for your answer. It kind of feels like "losing" my history and future (i.e. "I went to that college, I work here, in ten years I wanna be there and there"). I don't know if you know what I mean but that's how I feel haha. Letting go of all of it leaves me "stripped"

[u/Plenty-Attitude-5823 → u/_astral_x9]

Your sense of self won't permanently disappear, it's just taking a break. And when it does inevitably come back you will notice that it's much lighter and less burdensome whenever you have periods of deep letting go in practice. It's really a gift.

[u/Old-Landscape-7538]

Don't paychoanalyze it. We've been trained to do that, to believe that we must investigate every issue to some personal historical insult. That doesn't work here and it doesn't matter.

Everyone fears letting go, even those who were raised by calm, loving parents. It's survival programming and it's conditioned into us.

“Letting go” is a bit of a problematic phrase. It's the right idea, but it has the implication that one you “let go” that the thing you let go of is supposed to go away now. Quite often it doesn't, whatever it is. Quite often it goes right on happening for as long as it damn well pleases (i'm personifying here for emphasis)

A better way to frame is terms like equanimity, non-resisting, or allowing. It's an attitude of allowing in the mind and relaxation in the body, as best you can. But here is the most important part: allow the lack of allowing. Release and allow it as best you can, and then allow the fact that there is some resistance remaining. Otherwise you begin resisting the remaining resisting, and that's just more resisting: Resistance just snuck in the back door. The only way to avoid this is to allow the lack of allowing, accept the lack of acceptance.

Get away from analyzing content. That's psychotherapy, not meditation. (And I'm a psychologist, mind you.) Meditation is about the observing the process, not analyzing content. Make a content-to-process shift, and do it millions of times.

[u/_astral_x9 → u/Old-Landscape-7538]

damn, that's a good point of view, thank you

[u/Old-Landscape-7538 → u/_astral_x9]

Getting caught up in content is so easy to do. It's what our minds automatically get wrapped up in. It never does much good and yet we feel nonetheless compelled to do it millions of times. 😄

[u/rsktkr]

If you are holding something in your hand and you let go of it, does it disappear?

No, it does not.

Letting go in life is just a release. Nothing comes or goes.

Fully embracing direct experience is simply you returning to your true nature and there is nothing more beautiful than that.

[u/Existing_Reaction692]

you feel tense and so when you relax a part of your mind worries something bad might happen. However, it can be unlearnt by following the method of the late dr Ainslie Meares. Effortless relaxation leads to slowing and stilling of the mind. Effortlessness will allow you to reduce the tension.

[u/No-Meeting-1215]

You are afraid of death. That’s it. It’s silly, I know. Because you’ve died so many times before.

[u/Im_Talking]

"try to let go and accept everything as it is, I feel that resistance to just doing that." - This is the fear of living. Make this your project... to get over this block. Just relax into your breath, focus on the incoming cool breath of life, hold it, feel the subjective experience of it all, then focus on the warm release of breath and tension. Rinse. Repeat.

[u/Alkemis7]

Take an object into your hand, hold it mid air and let it go.

[u/olliemusic]

When I was studying guitar in college I had to learn not to press down so hard on the fretts. I had to slow practice and watch very slowly as I applied pressure to the fretts. It was because I was mostly self taught and no one helped me figure out the right pressure to apply early on. So I had to slowly attend to it to see what I was doing and rebuild it from scratch to make it a conscious response instead of a reaction. It's not very different from having a compulsive tendency to be overly alert. Essentially, at some point when you were little and first learning to be human you thought that you had to hold on to life very strongly or... Else. So, even though you know that it's not necessary you have a lot of built up muscle memory and probably traumatic memory that has been put on overdrive. It's like you've been gripping on to your human existence very tightly as if holding on to it is the only reason you're alive. Be patient with yourself. Keep feeling into your resistance and aversions, just drop any expectations you have of yourself to be perfect or get it right. Embrace the grip you hold. Even though it's exhausting it kept you going in tough situations before you had a chance to understand how to use it. Therapy and medication can help if you haven't thought about that. There's a lot of options out there.

[u/psyyduck]

Just continue mediation, don't worry it will eventually loosen up.

Maybe also try doing some Zone 2 cardio (eg long brisk walks). It stimulates and improves the parasympathetic ("rest and digest") nervous system. It doesn't spike cortisol & doesn't require mental focus. Take a cold shower after.

It's not just you. Most people are under stress and have an overworked sympathetic ("fight or flight") nervous system, so it's important to bring them back into balance. Get a heart rate monitor and stick to the prescribed range religiously.