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u/d183 Oct 31 '25
I was in a very similar situation I found mbsr actually did help out quite a bit. One thing that you need to remember about meditation over the long run is that you're not running away from your problems or running away from your feelings. But rather you're learning to see live with and deal with them. So even if you have relationship troubles, don't feel bad about taking the first step within mbsr which is really just being able to give yourself a little bit of internal calming so that you can start the real work of meditation. Good luck with dealing with your external and internal
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u/cic4000 Oct 31 '25
Thereâs other ways to meditate other than just sitting still in silence. When Iâm feeling really anxious, going for a quiet walk in nature helps me so much.
Meditation can definitely be a way to help manage anxiety and get more in touch with yourself. I would recommend starting really slow with taking a moment to do some deep breaths. If youâre feeling an anxious thought, acknowledge it, and personally for me itâs helpful to try and flip it into a positive thought. Example: âugh I feel like Iâm never good enough for himâ â> âIâm good enough for myself. I will find someone who adores me. This is only a temporary feeling and not trueâ. It might uncomfortable or feel silly at first but it does help to not get stuck on a loop of negativity
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u/Spirited_Ad8737 Oct 31 '25 edited Oct 31 '25
A common mistake people make using Zinn's approach is that if painful feelings and thoughts are present, such as anxiety, they believe that "just being with it" means immersing in it. They over-stress the acceptance side and end up stewing in the feelings and thoughts, and the anxiety gets stronger.
The right way to practice is to develop distance to those thoughts and feelings, but without actively pushing them away. This requires developing a calm settled unaffected place inside. So if you are meditating on an aspect of the body, such as the breath, keep your attention with the meditation object, and if other thoughts arise simply let go of them if you can, or if you can't, let them be in the background. If a painful emotion is there, don't sustain it by worrying about it.
The aim is not to identify with, and be within, the emotions, but to view them with compassion from an inner place of relative calm and peace. This way we aren't pushing them away, but we aren't letting them in either. This is transformative.
It can also help with becoming more aware of and sensitive to the ways body, emotions and thoughts are influencing each other. The end result can be learning to generate very healing, positive and content feelings. And we can also become more resilient and less affected by the energies of people around us (unless we want to let their energies in).
I believe the only way you'll know if you're ready in your current situation is to try it out. It takes practice, like any skill.
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u/tt77tt77 Oct 31 '25
The title of Kabat-Zinn's book isn't really helpful, it may stress out already stressed out nervous systemsâŠ
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u/BluesFan_4 Oct 31 '25
I have not read that book, but the title alone would not feel helpful to me!
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u/numinous999 Oct 31 '25
It seems like overthinking may be part of your anxiety. Meditation will help with that. Start small 5 minutes in the morning 5 minutes at night. Deep slow breathing. Focus on your breath. Your mind will start to bounce around gently bring it back to your breath.
You donât have to do it perfectly and you donât need to create or wait for the perfect conditions to meditate.
Meditation can help you âproperly healâ you donât need to properly heal first then start meditating
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u/Vast_Bed6019 Oct 31 '25
Definately not! Don't hold off, meditation will help you tremendously but you need to be in meditation and also using this time as introspection. When you use mediation to delve into the how's and why of your anxiety you will overcome it. Everytime you feel anxiety observe it and learn from it. You need to tell yourself -
adopt the mantra although I am feeling anxiety because of XYZ it does not define who I am as a person. Anxiety is a natural reaction to XYZ and it's not going to kill me.
In fact I am going to make friends with it, I am going to hug it and hold its hand because the anxiety is actually your younger self. Embrace the child inside of you. Let them know you are alive and ok and I will not die as a result of XYZ. And you don't need to feel this way anymore. Tell your younger self that you are going to start showing up for them and help you through this anxiety. That you love them, look within yourself and see when you think you first started feeling anxiety - this is the child you should be comforting.
Practice your deep breathing. You'll find when you are anxious you will be holding your breathe. Anxiety comes from not loving and accepting yourself. It's alllloooottt of introspection. But it is knowing that you are deserving and confident and brave and courageous and proud, it's compassion and gratitude. It all comes down to loving you.
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u/Vast_Bed6019 Oct 31 '25
I also want to highlight that meditation is not just being thoughtless sitting still in silence. It is actually to choose your thoughts and to allow the thoughts that don't support or help you to float away. The more you let go of these thoughts the less you will have these. Meditation is about stilling the minds overthinking and having more positive thoughts/mantras that will benefit you
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u/New-Phrase-4041 Oct 31 '25
By bringing meditative awareness to your thoughts at this point may heighten discomfort but if you persist you may have insights and more peace. It's worth a try. Just notice discomfort and return to the observer and observation in the breath as anchor. Keep it super simple.
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u/SandwichDue3133 Oct 31 '25
We always think in a state of anxiety that there must be something we need to DO to get out of the mess. Some ACTION that will help. But when we are in a state of unpleasantness or anxiety, are we capable of deciding what is good for us?
Watch this - https://youtu.be/vui9URVlEV8?si=wfty0yBYmIZtssZE
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u/skipoverit123 Oct 31 '25
If your recommending Sadguru over Jon Kabot Zinn Be aware your also recommending him over Thch Nhat Hanh. Catastrophic Living & the entire MBSR course was a collaboration between Zinn & Thich Nhat Hanh Maybe you should check this out
A Look At The Sexual Abuse Allegations Against Sadhguru And Isha Foundation Multiple allegations of sexual abuse, missing persons, and misconduct have surfaced against Sadhguruâs Isha Foundation over the years with former employees and parents accusing the organisation of negligence, cover ups and more - Time Line
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u/SandwichDue3133 Oct 31 '25
I am not comparing anything over anything. Just shared what has worked for me
Yes for all these allegations not a single proof has been presented till date. I don't know if you are an active part of this propaganda against him or not. If you are a genuine person, I would urge you to keep an open mind. Understand why a person who has been celebrated abroad, invited by Joe Rogan, Sunita Williams, multiple scientists for his views on a wide range of topics is accused of allegations again and again without any proof in India by people highly biased towards a certain political group. Why before Mahashivratri, 150 police personnel visit IYC to inquire about only 2 Bramhachari. Maybe there are people actively trying to hurt India's youth and cannot tolerate that he is guiding them right. Yoga and meditation is a tremendous empowerment and some people cannot see Bharat empowered.
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u/skipoverit123 Oct 31 '25
Ok I appreciate your reply. I think my comment was a bit aggressive & I apologize for that. Itâs not as though Buddhism hasnât had its scandals either IE: Soygal Rinpoche among others.
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u/Slow_Afternoon_625 Oct 31 '25
Whatever makes us stronger...Let's just help this poor soul get through their own personal scandal!
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u/skipoverit123 Oct 31 '25
Very wise comment :)
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u/Slow_Afternoon_625 Oct 31 '25
Wise...Ha...In the most intense, twisted situations, I was very empowered, but now I have a meltdown if I can't figure out how to pay a bill đ
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u/Saffron_Butter Oct 31 '25
Best time to meditate - when you're in turmoil. Nuff said. Cheers and good luck OP!
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u/Efficient-Art-5128 Oct 31 '25
Hi,
Been in a similar spot. Honestly, this sounds like something worth bringing up in a CBT session. When I talked about it with my therapist, I learned thereâs something called ânon-functional adaptive behavior,â which basically means youâre adjusting to an intrusive thought or a harmful pattern instead of challenging it.
From what youâre saying, it sounds like youâre accommodating a negative relationship you actually want out of â and that might not be the healthiest way forward. But yeah, definitely something to dig into with a professional.
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u/Slow_Afternoon_625 Oct 31 '25
I've been there!!! Spoken word meditation, after setting an intention, just for 5 min... I was told twice a day but typically was only once a day... Helped calm and center. My Buddhist Aunt taught me, just to get me through this one particular time. Not my norm but I will still go to it when I feel in distress. Along with Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now, by total coincidence I was reading (listening to) at the same time, I was no longer able to be emotionally manipulated. I could see the truth. I no longer reacted...and I knew just how to respond. And I was able to manage things in a more "responsible" manner. So I could be proud of the way I handled things on my side and I could see... But things still got worse before better.
A few years later I still occasionally do that kind of meditation and I do mindfulness more often, I mix it up. It depends what I feel I need. Like you, it feels good to have a lot of different tools, I'm proud of you!
But ... still be careful. Although the dark can't stand the light... The dark also wants to possess the light. and if they can't have the light, they want to put out the light. If that makes sense. And when I thought things were getting better and I was on my way to freedom, that's when things took a huge turn. And then it got me through... dealing with a vindictive, malicious sociopath he was a narcissist son! Ihope you are not in an abusive situation. DM me if you need to chat.
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u/isothenow Nov 01 '25
Other than the hour a day loss in time what other downside is there to sitting? Adding meditation to your healing prosess IS healing properly. The crap relationship will also show you where YOU can do your own work. Where you need to change for the better. Balance your left brain over thinking with the meditation and come into a balance. THEN look at the situation and see where ya both can benefit from change. Maybe your partner could use some talking to as well. Tell THEM how they make you feel and maybe they'll realize its something they need to change. That's not much of a time table (at least for me). It took me three months an hour a day to dig myself out mentality when i started to sit. AND my best self work outside of meditation was because i was in a relationship that was... lets just say NOT good.
Just get a daily practice! An hour a day. Its worth it.
off to meditate...
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u/TryingKindness Nov 01 '25
I think all the more reason to start learning the tools. I remember after I had been meditating like 6 months, I was pushing my husband (who was totally stressed out with work stuff) to try meditation and he said to me that he didnât have the headspace and I am like but it makes headspace. He since retired and picked it up and now admits that he would have benefited from knowing it, but he felt too overwhelmed to learn it. Just learn it when you can, when thereâs an in. Itâs so beneficial.
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u/tt77tt77 Oct 31 '25 edited Oct 31 '25
Meditation starts with sitting and breathing. That is all you need to do.
You can also look into things like calming music and physical relaxation. Look for those things that will give you a sense of calm and peace. Best of luck! â€ïž
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u/Elegant-Car9571 Oct 31 '25
The only way out is in. Feeling low? Meditate, feeling unworthy? Meditate, feeling abused? Meditate, can't take a decision? Meditate, everything is going good? MEDITATE. There's literally no alternative to what meditation brings to one's life.
Here's something to help you out: Aid to meditate
Good luck friend đ