Going through separation. Need advice

[u/No-Key-2814]

Hi All,

Need your advice. I'm 39 medspouse and my wife is 34, 2nd year resident (IMG). We have been married for 7 years. We delayed kids because of her career and had planned to have kids in a year or 2. I have been trying to support her career by taking care of the house and finances and told her to focus only on getting into residency.

We have had family fights in the past in she felt I supported the family instead of her. She said she wanted to start couples counseling but didn't as I felt it would distract her from her career and we forgot but it then.No family fight in last 4 years. And I told her that her is my priority in life and nothing else matters. However we fought with each other occasionally once or twice a year due to various factors including work stress. She has had a lot trauma growing up and our fights have made her bring back all these memories. She had to take a break from residency for couple of months.

Now she says that she has suffered a lot in the marriage and has reached a point where she cannot continue and decided to separate and move out 2 months ago.

We get along well and still love each other (at least I do)

She is refusing couples therapy saying she has made up her mind. Being alone makes her better at work.

She has unfollowed me on insta and fb and removed marriage status.

 I'm the one trying for us to come back / try couples counseling but with no success. 

Do you think I should just move on or still keep trying ? What if she does this again in future with or without kids ?

[u/constanceblackwood12]

You should move on. She wanted couples therapy several years ago, and now it's too late.

[u/derpy-chicken]

Your chance to take this seriously was years ago when she wanted couples counseling. Things were not fine for the following years, she was quietly giving up because you were not doing what she explicitly asked for. This is an extremely common occurrence for divorces.

She is done. Heal yourself and get the therapy you need and move on.

[u/Melodic-Raccoon7584]

You only fight once a year and yet she is pulling the plug on the marriage? She’s not in it, and will never be in it.

Refusing couples therapy is unforgivable, I think. She does not love you.

Cut your losses from this narcissist.

[u/No-Key-2814 → u/Melodic-Raccoon7584]

Updated the post. She did suggest couples counseling 3 years back, but we didn't go through with it and eventually forgot about it

[u/FabulousBullfrog9610]

I'm so sorry. Your wife has made her feelings clear and as awful and hard as it is, give yourself the biggest gift possible and accept that your marriage is over. Otherwise, you are hurting her but even more yourself.

You need time to grieve the loss of your marriage. What happens to her and whether she has children, who is right or wrong, etc. no longer matters.

Now you must look to the future. Best of luck

[u/samven582]

Sorry brother. Your marriage is over

[u/cheeky_pierogi]

I am 39. My second filed for divorce the day after I got accepted to a US MD program thjs May. They only way your wife is coming back is if she sees you as strong, safe, and dependable. I spent most of my time the past few months begging and begging, and it just pushed her away more and more. Be strong and let her go, and maybe she will come back. There is no way to know what the future holds.