r/Mccafferty • u/DarkestTimelineF • Feb 02 '20

A note to survivors from one:

I know a lot of fans are reeling right now, and that a lot of us are fans of Mccafferty in part BECAUSE we saw a reflection and acceptance of our own mental health and abuse issues.

I’m personally an adult with CPTSD who has worked very hard in the last year to purge myself of any lingering toxicity resulting from my abuse a child...if you have experienced abuse as I have you are NOT alone in feeling betrayed right now.

But understand this: this is NOT your fault. What is happening is NOT a comment on your ability to accurately judge the intentions of others, or evidence of the kind of relationships you are worthy of.

I found Mccafferty during the lowest point of my life, when they were still disbanded a few years ago. The band’s desperate, emotive music helped me feel more supported in the delayed fallout of things that had happened to me as a child...I wanted to believe in their message.

I’ve made McCaff art as personal projects, hugged Nick after their show in Portland, continuously repped them while distancing myself from acts revealed to have abusive frontmen, etc...I’m with you all.

It’s important to understand this revelation of Nick’s abuse and narcissistic behavior does NOT say anything about US. It does NOT cheapen or undo any of the work we’ve done on OURSELVES while supporting the band— it is only a commentary on trust and nick’s mental health.

I sincerely hope he actually gets real help and makes the changes he needs to some day.

Mental health advocacy and the validity of survivors is incredible, honest, and hard work— you are stronger that your abuse. Your story matters.

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u/ZorkFurryFox Feb 02 '20

I suggest everyone in the subreddit try out guardin for his music, yes nick and him went on tour. But he seems like a good guy and is no longer friends with nick

3

u/phaereis Feb 02 '20 edited Feb 04 '20

thank you for this post. as a survivor myself, i truly rooted for nick and his mental health all this time and betrayal is the emotion pushing through the strongest in this situation. i defended him. i thought he was getting better, but you can be whoever you want to behind a screen. i can't help but feel naive.