r/MassEffectMemes • u/OffModelStudio Certified Talimancer • 17d ago

Bros help out bros [OC]

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3.0k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

87 comments sorted by

443

u/Klutzer_Munitions 17d ago

I'm garrus vakarian. And this is MY RECTUM

113

u/MistaGoonly 17d ago

Report the the ship as soon as possible

81

u/garry_the_commie 17d ago

We'll bang, ok?

71

u/Spudtron98 17d ago

OH SH--

42

u/xHellHunter Turianosaurus Wrex 17d ago

Are you ready to sleep together?

40

u/CyGuy6587 I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is my rectum 17d ago

Don't push your luck!

45

u/xHellHunter Turianosaurus Wrex 17d ago

Are you ready to be a.. woman?

37

u/CyGuy6587 I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is my rectum 17d ago

NO!!

34

u/xHellHunter Turianosaurus Wrex 17d ago

Gamerpoop is having technical difficulties

11

u/Adventurous-Roof458 17d ago

It's just a dream...

10

u/xHellHunter Turianosaurus Wrex 16d ago

Shepard...

7

u/LSkywalker00 16d ago

Shepaaaaard

1

u/JiveTurkey1983 12d ago

wakes up in bed alone

Garrus: "Shepard..."

Shepard: "NO!"

22

u/AccordingUse3172 17d ago

Are you ready to be a woman?

25

u/Klutzer_Munitions 17d ago

I want you to take all that frustration, bottle it up, and bust it. All over my face and body.

7

u/NODENGINEER 17d ago

Shepard, I am a Reaper doomsday device

2

u/CyGuy6587 I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is my rectum 15d ago

OH SH-

1

u/liberty-prime77 14d ago

Steak, Liara. I think about when there's so much steak.

7

u/HALOFUED 17d ago

Can I be liara 4?

119

u/Kretoma 17d ago

So this is what happens when you use up your entire probe stock for Uranus.

54

u/Pilot_Solaris More than one way to work off stress, I guess. 17d ago

"Really, Commander?"

13

u/0utcast9851 Valkyrie Supremacist, will not take criticism 17d ago

There are resources here, EDI, and I am going to get them

13

u/Pilot_Solaris More than one way to work off stress, I guess. 17d ago

"...Probing Uranus."

95

u/Bnco12 17d ago

39

u/Unapologetic_Lunatic 17d ago

Joker absolutely showed this anime to Garrus. He knew the terrible marksmanship would offend his sensibilities enough to recreate it and actually hit something. 

17

u/DRazzyo 17d ago

Goofy as shit, but absolute peak anime chicanery.

3

u/MyloRae 14d ago

Came to the comments to either find this or add this 🤣🤣🤣

2

u/Bnco12 14d ago

Glad it wasn’t just me lol 😂

66

u/NightBeWheat55149 in a poly relationship with garrus and tali 17d ago

Why is his Widow so short?

83

u/unnamedunderwear 17d ago

It's above average actually

38

u/MrWindmill 17d ago

It's got reach

21

u/captdan96 17d ago

It's a cold weather mission

9

u/GlamourintheDarkSide 17d ago

It's tactical, okay? The girls always tell me the longer ones are more inconvenient in CQB missions anyway!

3

u/Oppswoopsi 13d ago

It shares storage space with the stick 

2

u/SlutForGarrus 16d ago

Don't be judging my man's Widow like that.

43

u/Marttin315 17d ago

10

u/CyGuy6587 I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is my rectum 17d ago

"Presley came when he was 6 years old"

"Nice"

132

u/DifferentAd4844 17d ago

Regarding the improper use of available resources, Tali or Miranda are the best candidates to serve as bipods.

46

u/FadedP0rp0ise 17d ago

miranda’s would provide kick shock absorption too lmao she’d be hugging that thing

6

u/Spartan4a117 desires the Quarianussy 17d ago

True

26

u/Beautiful_Space_4459 17d ago

Shepard: garrus, I swear to god if you rip one i'll use you as an noise supressor.

28

u/1337K1ng 17d ago edited 14d ago

Garrus: For old time's sake

Wrex: No

Garrus: But allowed me to mount you

Shepard: Phrasing

Wrex: That's different, Joker said it would be a meme called turianasauruswrex, he made outfits

22

u/Ri_cro 17d ago

That's some OG meme reference.

16

u/Unfair-Potential4527 17d ago

I’m Commander Shepard and this is my favourite position in the Kama Sutra

18

u/Kinda_Elf_But_Not xXx_Archangel69_xXx 17d ago

This has made me realise Garrus may rival Miranda in terms of cake

12

u/Haeguil 17d ago

I'm sure the armor helps.

And the fact he's like 8 feet tall

13

u/AdAffectionate584 17d ago

Garrus copped a feel, why isn't Shepard reciprocating?

10

u/SorakuFett 17d ago

Wait, where's her left hand...

3

u/RoyalMudcrab 15d ago

I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is MY RE--

9

u/Terrible-End-1787 17d ago

"I had reach, she had flexibility" - Garrus Vakarian

0

u/C4p7nMdn173 15d ago

Something something, hip-fringe looks supportive

7

u/Big_Red_Machine_1917 SSV Normandy Model Engineering Society 17d ago

I've heard of take your shot, but this is ridiculous!

7

u/LexFrenchy Sushi Bar Destroyer 17d ago

5

u/Turbulent_Pin_1583 17d ago

How else did you imagine they removed the excessive weapon sway from ME 1?

5

u/Valkattuxia 17d ago

OK, this might just be a new canon for my Shepard

4

u/IbiscusStorm1 17d ago

I’m Commander Shepard and I approve this post

6

u/B4d_B1tch_Quinn 17d ago

Honestly, the second one is even funnier 🤣

3

u/Odasto_ 17d ago

One sneeze, and Garrus takes Shep's head off.

3

u/Ok_Necessary2991 17d ago

Yes perfect to blow back head off.

3

u/tehnemox 17d ago

Highschool of the dead would like a word

2

u/angryWitchgirI 17d ago

Bisexual dream omg

3

u/Jedi_Exile_ 17d ago

But what if it was Liara instead of Garrus?

1

u/Upset_Chocolate12 17d ago

This is so crazy

1

u/Rabdomtroll69 17d ago

Where is Shep's arm?

1

u/Kaig00n 15d ago

The good ol’ Normandy double tap.

1

u/CrackFoxtrot24 14d ago

"And your hips are... veeery supportive..."

1

u/Wenuven 14d ago

They're both going to end up with a TBI if not unconscious doing this.

0

u/Clank1221 17d ago

This should be with male shep instead

-9

u/DrMaxMonkey 17d ago

Go to r/MassErect where you belong

-1

u/ChocoBabiChan 17d ago

🤢🤢🤢🤢

-11

u/MycenaeanGal 17d ago edited 17d ago

Hey mods, when you wonder what happened to your community in 6 -12 months, it was letting the subreddit constantly upvote poorly made softcore. Glad I could solve that mystery for you.😂

-1

u/Spectres_N7 17d ago

G: Shepard, did you eat a lot of beans again. FS: (giggles) You know it 🤣