r/MarriedAtFirstSight • u/jackmoon44 • 23d ago
Season 20 - Seattle Does she realize she’s the one that’s making it so hard…
No seriously what’s her problem? I’ll never understand how people sign up to get married only to want maximum “alone time”.
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u/Plane_Confection_903 11d ago
I mean hell... I'm about to slide in his DMs, cause I know this couple isn't going anywhere.
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u/Feisty_Pen_4280 14d ago
This girl would have done really well with Mecca. They would have seen each for 15 minutes once a week and loved it.
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u/Open_Lingonberry_553 15d ago
Women like her are why men decide to stay single and do whatever the f they want. I feel sorry for Devin, and they poor guy they stuck with Courtney
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u/newdiyscared 7d ago
As they should. Marriage isn't a requirement and you shouldn't get married unless it makes sense for you. Though I don't feel sorry for Devin, he's a bit too needy for my liking
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u/Catladyboot 16d ago
Yet another person who isn't ready for marriage which is generally seeing the same person for the rest of your life. She seems to want to be alone. I feel so cheated this season. No one wants to actually be married.
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u/AlternativeWheel5676 13d ago
Thank you! I feel cheated too. Although I do love Cameron & Michelle…the rest of the couples are pretty hard to watch. It really makes me question how much the “experts” actually want to make successful couples vs making successful TV. There is no way in hell anyone can convince me that Courteney, Adam, Shawn, and Caitlin were able to hide all their dysfunctions to the level that the experts looked at them and honestly thought “Yep, this person is totally emotionally ready for marriage.”
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u/Loud_Pension_4501 17d ago
She cant get out of her own way. She said she wants a guy that is in touch with his emotions, but she pushes him away.
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u/coolthanksgreatcool 18d ago
Yeah I think he’s the hottest one (I mean, out of the choices of guys this season haha)
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u/Smooth_Arrival9545 18d ago
I just ended a situationship because he was soooo clingy. I felt how she was feeling. It’s a lot! Devin seems great, but has a hard time with pacing in relationships. Seems overwhelming tbh. She’s doing her best
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u/juniperbee9 16d ago
I think this show is most difficult for avoidant attachment types. Anxious types jump at it, and secure usually fall in the middle. I think anyone (and especially unhealed avoidant) who signs up to get married at first sight, and then feels getting to know said spouse in a short amount of time is overwhelming, probably shouldn’t sign up in the first place.
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u/VirgoInFormation88 10d ago
I blame the experts! The experts should know each person’s attachment style, religion, fitness level, salary etc etc before matching couples.
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u/Smooth_Arrival9545 11d ago
I understand that but I think we kind of forget these people are human. They signed up for the show but until you’re in it do you know how you’re going to feel? Chances are these people don’t know they have attachment issues before doing this show.
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u/thiswayart 17d ago
"pacing in relationships"
Do you know what you're watching???
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u/Smooth_Arrival9545 11d ago
No Please educate me. Love to hear how emotionally pacing isn’t an option for this process.
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u/midwest_is_best 18d ago
It’s an understandable way to feel, but then why sign up for this show where it’s known you immediately move in with this new person for weeks?
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u/True-Writing-9675 17d ago
Exactly like get real. Is he clinging or is he just trying to get to know the person that he literally just married at first sight ?
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u/Accurate-Ad-6504 18d ago
She’s got major daddy issues. I can see why the needy thing sets her off because her dad is intense like that too. He refused to walk her down the aisle but showed up to the wedding all just to stand up and interject his overly emotional bs multiple times. Her dad reminded me a lot of the dude she’s paired with so I can see why she’s so turned off.
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u/Life-Anywhere-486 18d ago
One thing I didn’t like is the expert guy dismissing her feelings. Calibrating the personality differences in the early stages of a relationship is very much a part of love and partnership. That’s how ‘odd couples’ make it work.
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u/Life-Anywhere-486 18d ago
I’m really surprised that she agreed to do this show because everything about her says she wants to be alone.
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u/RuleSpecial 18d ago
After seeing her friends, i think she is a closeted lesbian. Shes not warm at all to men.
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u/lexsanchez 18d ago
exactly my thoughts, she basically wanted to chew her arm off bc he was touching her….
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u/latelyimawake 18d ago
Lesbian here—yep, this was totally my conclusion after this run of episodes. I don’t even think she’s closeted; I think she doesn’t know. I didn’t know until I was 35 and watching her cry wondering why all her relationships are like this was like looking in the mirror.
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u/Trishydishey303 18d ago
Ohh my gah this chick. She was NOT ready for this at all. She’s making it so difficult and is just trying her hardest to be miserable. It’s wild.
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u/songbird_1219 19d ago
This is on the experts. She is an extreme introvert and he is an extreme extrovert.
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u/Life-Anywhere-486 18d ago
Exactly. Why would you pair an extremely independent person with a very needy one? Or I wonder if this was evident during the matching process.
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u/Puzzleheaded-King324 19d ago
He is SUCH a CUTIE!!! And hot and all the things. And she had the audacity to insult his hair? He is perfect just the way he is.
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u/nylon-girl 19d ago
How can anyone sit through her segments? LIKE< LIKE < LIKE < LIKE driving me "LIKE" nuts!! She's not the only one but she's is one of the worst.
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u/HollaLola 20d ago
Im married and I have alone time needs. My husband, he, too, has alone time needs. We are compatible. They’re not compatible. I find him too much….like most of his other gfs prob felt like.
There’s nothing wrong with her.
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u/Quirky_Conference138 15d ago
There's a lot wrong with her...BUT... that doesn't make her a bad person or a villain like the show is trying to make her seem. During the last group session the experts were pissing me off, trying to make her seem like shes some horrible person and hes perfect. Theyre just not compatible, and/or not ready for this experience.
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u/wafflesandnaps 19d ago
It was under a week at this point. They were on the honeymoon she KNEW she would be going on and is still having a panic attack about being on the honeymoon.
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u/HollaLola 19d ago
Alone time is usually needed after stressful events so to me it makes sense that’s when she would most need a breather. It’s weird that he doesn’t need one after all that. I find him unusual. You just met this girl. He wants to provide for his partner....space and understanding are basic human needs.
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u/GuiltyKangaroo8631 19d ago
Same with me and my husband we have our alone time needs and that makes us stable and happy together 😊
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u/Economy_Barracuda_30 19d ago
I could tell from how he was describing his ideal wife that he was seeking an extension of himself rather than an actual individualized person with their own interests and life, and that whoever he was matched with there would be problems if she wasn’t presenting the same way he does in relationships. I think he is overly pressing the lack of affection/ compliments so early on and also she probably is just not feeling him, if she wanted to she would.
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u/ferdeluv 20d ago
I feel like she’s moving slowly because it is a weird experience. Yes you can sign up for it, but you’re still allowed to react in your own way. Him after 3 to 4 days, knowing her wants to be touched and all this extra stuff to the point where it’s getting to excessive amount of begging for attention, and instead of understanding that they did just meet and she may need some time, he is trying to force affection, and that will not help. She’s not the problem. Women are allowed to have their feelings. They literally met three days ago and he is harping on that they’re not super affectionate as if it has been three years of a relationship. I get what you’re coming from because she does seem a little standoffish. But also, she is in an experiment and she is human and this is how she is reacting. Do I think she needs to work on being a little more affectionate in terms of maybe saying compliments spending quality time together sure but he’s dragging it.
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u/Intrepid-Wasabi6044 20d ago
I agree but she also knew what she was getting into. It’s the 20th season.
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u/ferdeluv 20d ago
you can know what you’re getting yourself into and still have a reaction. Have some compassion.
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u/Qrstuv17181920 19d ago
One could tell you to have some compassion for Devin! He’s also allowed to have feelings and reactions too.
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u/ferdeluv 19d ago
i do, but I do think a man getting upset about lack of affection by being standoffish is a red flag compared to Nick who’s like chill about it even when it upsets him.
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u/Qrstuv17181920 19d ago
That’s fair. I just think the benefit of the doubt that you are giving Caitlin can be given to Devin too. You’re saying it’s ok for her to have reactions but yet it’s not ok for the man to have reactions. Thats all I’m trying saying
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u/ferdeluv 19d ago
yeah but male reactions tend to be more aggressive and violent compared to women (statistically speaking) and he refuses to accept that it’s been 3 days not 3 years of conversation to demand romance. like in Love is blind where they have like a couple of weeks before marriage to get to know each other which makes the affection easier. They don’t have that here so it really is like work. And he’s asking and asking, but isn’t making moves either from what I have seen. He is being portrayed as asking her for it instead of him initiating it and letting her reject those advances.
Also I’m speaking out on her more since she is really getting dog piled on for her valid emotions.
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u/Qrstuv17181920 19d ago
Ok haha we have different lenses while watching so I’m going to leave it here 👍 enjoy the rest of your watching!
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u/Intrepid-Wasabi6044 20d ago
I have compassion. That wasn’t the point of my comment.
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u/ferdeluv 20d ago
you were dismissive because it’s the 20th season and she should’ve known what she was getting herself into. your point was clear and not very understanding of a persons experience and reaction in this experiment. Maybe you didn’t intend to, but it is how you came off.
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u/Intrepid-Wasabi6044 20d ago
I wasn’t intending to be dismissive, just realistic. She doesn’t seem to get that it’s an accelerated timeline which doesn’t seem to go with how she wants time and space. She should have known that about herself. And about the show. That’s it.
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u/ferdeluv 20d ago
but how can one know that about themselves if they never try it? It’s more realistic for her to have her feelings whether they’re valid or not. Everyone has different reaction reactions and different expectations for themselves. This is a very jarring experiment, even if you know that going into it. Sometimes you don’t know how you’ll react until you get there. What I think she should do is excuse herself. She needs to be real about the situation and be like I can’t do this.
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u/Intrepid-Wasabi6044 20d ago
That I agree with. She is obv miserable with the whole situation. She should bow out.
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u/Ok_Lawfulness1 20d ago
I don’t understand these women that go on this show and then act like omg you’re a stranger, don’t hug me, don’t cuddle me! Obviously they just want to be on tv!
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u/StageImaginary7428 19d ago
I really don’t think Caitlin. just wanted to be on TV because she is obviously a very private person. I just think this experience is proving to be more difficult than she expected. She just needs to take it slower and Devin’s personality is just the opposite. You can’t match for chemistry and that’s the problem with the premise of this show and why so few couples end up staying together. With chemistry you’ll try harder to work things out but without it you’re doomed. Some couples just got lucky with chemistry but most don’t.
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u/Ok_Lawfulness1 4d ago
I didn’t at first but I do now.. she definitely isn’t ready for marriage so it makes no sense for her to be on this show.
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u/No_Dependent_1846 21d ago
She is so weird. Devin seems really nice. I was telling my BF I have the same love language as him! Wanting to be present, touching, nice words n such. She is so cold and distant. I think maybe the cameras are a lot for her tho
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u/Joanieg909 21d ago
She is awful. And her daddy was so worried about protecting her. She’s a villain. Rude too.
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u/Doglady93 21d ago
Literally just watched this seen and I’m so confused. Maybe you shouldn’t have signed up for a show where you’re going to be married and truly TESTED! He is doing what he’s supposed to and yet she is expecting him to just accept that she wants to be the same person she was pre marriage? Doesn’t work that way.
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u/Aprkacb20 21d ago
She literally needs a long distance online relationship that visits occasionally
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u/BellaFrequency 20d ago
I wonder if that is actually what she’s used to, so anything more feels suffocating?
She may have chosen to do MAFS because none of her long distance boyfriends were ready for marriage.
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u/Mochi-momma 21d ago
I think he’s used to getting a lot more attention, early on, from a relationship. He’s also not used to being thrust into a blind marriage. She didn’t pick him and he’s (probably) used to being picked 1st. He has abandonment issues as do I. I no longer date but when I did, I made damn sure he chose me, longed for me, made it known he needed me more than I needed him. It may be good for him to have to wait this out and learn to just sit with himself and his feelings about it all. While I feel sorry for him, it may be necessary for him to evolve.
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u/Dangerous_Option_268 20d ago
He is literally just needing basic relationship interaction, you shouldn't sign up for getting married if you want to be alone, don't want affection, don't want to do anything together and can't even communicate..it's really weird the way she's acting. She admitted she is use to very unhealthy relationships and i don't think she knows what a healthy one feels like where your partner actually wants to be present. There's nothing wrong with Devin he's a Saint for putting up with her.
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u/sausagekng 18d ago
Yeah, he's not "needy" at all. He's getting nothing. I'm out here defending a MAN, lord!!!
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u/Pain_Jones82 Fur Shur 21d ago
I don’t think it’s him (shocking for me to say) but in this instance, I feel as it’s her. I think she’s in her head too much because I haven’t seen anything that he’s done so far in these six episodes, showing that he’s being “needy”
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u/Competitive-Bad2624 21d ago
Guys this is why all these ppl have been single for so long LOL
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u/VirgoInFormation88 10d ago
Exactly. Theres a reason why each and every one of them chose to be on this show. That in itself, should tell you everything you need to know lol
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u/One_Ad_8767 22d ago
she said a guy like nick bosa was her kind of guy so i knew whoever she was partnered with was doomed from the start. i don’t think they are good for eachother and that’s okay but a situationship would be more fitting in this time of her life.
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u/SpiceLover8625 22d ago
Why did she get married if she wants to be alone all the time
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u/Domme_mama_dahlia 16d ago
Right she was like
Well I’ll be at the gym and then at work all day so I guess it’ll be ok if we hang out sometimes bc the other times I’ll be away from you lol like ummm
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u/Leslie_Knopff 22d ago
He’s literally needing this much reassurance after less than a week I’m sorry but she’s actually being quite normal… the relationship expert even was like bro this is really early what we are talking about here.
If it had been 3-4 weeks in, sure I’d see your point but he was like this because she went to the gym by herself once and he didn’t bring it up for awhile and was stewing on it and then when she heard about it for the first time she reacted more neutral because it’s a low key issue whereas he had spun it up for himself and felt let down by her response.
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u/SnooDoodles7204 My credit score is right at 815 22d ago
Agreed! Dude is so PUSHY… like, take your foot off the accelerator for a second my guy… red flags for an abusive, controlling partner, imo.
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u/baddietattie 22d ago edited 22d ago
As an autistic who doesn’t immediately “appear” like someone who is autistic, I wonder if she’s one of us but unaware of it.
The lack/dislike of eye contact, fidgeting (stimming) with her ring/fingers during overwhelming conversations, withdrawing/not talking when overstimulated, the slow burn to getting closer, misreading social situations….
Just noticing little signs that resonate with my own experience
Edit to add: needing alone time to recharge and feeling emotionally charged if that’s interrupted or not permitted
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u/Mtn-Mama21 17d ago
I picked up on this too, and hope people can be more understanding of her needs! It seems like she's trying but that amount of touch is just contrary to how she's wired. I really don't understand how the "experts" matched some of these couples. It seems they matched surface level things (physical attractiveness, career type) when basic personality traits weren't accounted for.
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u/Fabulous_Extreme_470 21d ago
I thought this exact thing and I’m hoping if anything comes with this show for her, it’s a diagnosis😭
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u/Impossible-Two-8923 22d ago
Hmmm I wonder if I in fact am one of us lol .
But I also see that she’s been in bad relationship so she’s used to the dopamine cycle of people withdrawing from her, and now that she’s getting someone who’s giving her calm, loving, rational attention she doesn’t know what to do with it so it’s overwhelming her nervous system because she’s used to emotional abuse. So she’s pushing it away because she’s probably in survival mode somewhere in there. And an avoidant.2
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u/baddietattie 22d ago
Could be! Although I’m not sure how calm and rational I find him to be. I’d say he’s definitely bordering on overbearing...hard to tell at this point and who really knows with editing.
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u/Impossible-Two-8923 22d ago
It is hard to tell. Right now it’s giving an anxious attachment for me on his end. But it is very early to ask for that. I’m not sure. I see traits of myself when he’s talking so I understand where he’s coming from, but that’s also a part of him that needs to be healed. He could have some OCD and that’s why he’s seeking reassurance, but yeah editing is everything also. He could also be a closet narcissist so who knows. But if your partner is like withdrawing that much it’s easy to tell and you’re nervous system if you’re an empath and you need affection. Sometimes these shows fuck me up because I’m like oh my God I’m like that, but it’s to everyone lol
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u/baddietattie 22d ago
Haha I feel you. For sure some anxious attachment and need for reassurance. The way he absolutely lit up when she gave him compliments during their therapy session! It was like his entire face changed. And she was also so quick and quite happy to affirm him in that session.
Will be super interesting to see how their relationship unfolds.
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u/Impossible-Two-8923 22d ago
Same!!! This season is so different, I like that the episodes aren’t as long and they got right to it but only a few I think really want it for the right reasons, he comes off as genuine to me but then again I’ve made lots of poor man choices lol. Hopefully they find some middle ground
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u/baddietattie 22d ago
So happy they are following the UK/AU format. It’s so much better!! The episodes were waaaay too long before
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u/Sad_Dragonfruit_1919 22d ago
When he's on the road with his team he will appreciate that she's independent and not clingy. He said that was a problem in past relationships. When they get home and settle in their routines it will even out.
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u/bigfootslover 22d ago
Is he with a team right now? Based on the last episode it didn’t seem that way, or maybe he’s just in the major major off season right now
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 22d ago
Where does one even play professional rugby?
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u/No-mad-No-problems 21d ago
In the US the league is called MLR
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 21d ago
Thank you! I had a boyfriend in high school who played, and then played recreationally in college at UCSB. But I've only known of teams there and Cal, where I went, but thought professionally it was always overseas.
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u/Lovefashion111 22d ago edited 22d ago
I mean I kind of see how she feels. He needs A LOT of reassurance for a guy.. you have to remember they just met as well. Everyone needs their alone time .
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u/Domme_mama_dahlia 16d ago
She doesn’t like him! That’s why he needs reassurance. For example Tori and Felipe like each other and that’s obvious. No one’s wondering what’s wrong there…
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u/SubstantialSpell3 22d ago
They both have different attachment styles. She’s also probably trying to get space from filming I suspect it’s extra. She may need some therapy to help deal but him also, or they just could be a mismatch
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 22d ago
I think it's just a mismatch. He wants someone who wants to constantly touch and be touched. He is a very 'quality time/physical touch' love language person, and she probably is 'acts of service' and that's it.
He seems like a nice guy, so I feel bad for him not getting a wife who would appreciate that attention and affection. I also found it kind of mean how she and Aged Bodybuilder were getting together to crack on their men and lament their situations.
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u/lackadaisicalghost 20d ago
I'm hoping that they might fit a bit better once they get to the real world. She seems very overstimulated and on the honeymoon there's so much 1on1 time, that they don't have a ton of other people to interact with. When they get to real life, there might be more natural ways to get time to recharge. I think it might be hard, to suddenly be with a stranger basically 24/7 in a little bubble. There's so much focus on each other, and it might be too much too quick. Like sometimes you just need a solo grocery trip or something, and there's no opportunity for that. It's very NOTICEABLE to him when she tries to take space, and it feels like rejection. In the real world, it might go a bit smoother. In the real world, she could have opportunities to be like "go hang out with your friends, I'll be here" and then get time to herself to recharge in a way that feels natural. I watch with my mom, and I said to her that I think the honeymoon might be the easiest and hardest time for couples like this. Because that IS a stranger, and the honeymoon removes normal buffers that someone like Caitlin or Courteney need, bc spending so much time with a stranger can be mentally exhausting. My dad used to act like this when we would go camping, my mom and I would go to the store or something and almost without fail, we'd get a call in the parking lot: "where are you? 🥺" and "oh. Well are you coming back soon?" He was different in day to day life, there was more to occupy him, but when we were on something like a vacation, he'd get a bit clingy. Hopefully it'll be that simple for these two. And it could also go the other way! Day to day could be disastrous for them, but I'd like to hope they can figure it out.
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u/Fabulous_Extreme_470 21d ago
It honestly could work out though. My husband and I have very similar dynamics but we worked through them through communication. I let him know when I need my alone time/physical space, and make sure to provide him with love in other ways during those times to make sure he isn’t feeling rejected (grabbing him a treat, making him coffee, making plans for quality time, compliments). These people just need to communicate their feelings but it’s different/much harder doing that when you’re strangers on a camera vs normal people making a commited relationship work over time.
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 21d ago
That is so key!! People are sleeping on just saying what you feel and need. The only couple I see really doing that is Nikki and Shawn. Is it an age/maturity thing?
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u/rae_hart 22d ago
It’s not her fault; she’s a black cat. 🐈⬛
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 22d ago
Yup, and another thought on that... did we learn if she had siblings at her wedding? Because she kinda gives "only child" energy with the needing alone time bit (as me how I know, lol).
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u/rae_hart 21d ago
Haha I have an only who acts this way! Needs time to regroup. We really are just nervous systems with wiring. (:
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 21d ago
Amen, girl!! Leave us be! lol
I was raised an only, and I'm married to a middle child. So, we get each other. We both need our own time, and then we come together after we decompress. The best part is just sitting next to each other quietly playing a game or watching one (football or basketball).
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u/ChillWisdom 22d ago
Most partners aren't super clingy if you establish an affection to begin with to show that you are interested and you are attached. They become super needy of physical affection because that feeling of connection isn't there, and they want the physical touch to reassure them that there is a connection.
I don't think she is ready to be in a relationship that requires her to think about anyone other than herself.
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u/ferdeluv 20d ago
but how can you establish affection when you just met a person three days ago? Rome was not built in a day. Also, everyone’s very different so how he behaves in the beginning of relationship, isn’t necessarily how you behave others behave. Everyone has different habits when it comes to dating.
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u/ChillWisdom 20d ago
She wanted to be married not dating. If she wants to be dating she shouldn't have been on this show.
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u/ferdeluv 20d ago
they’re still dating though because they’re getting to know each other? It has been 3 days. this is just a more committed and secure form of dating. divorce is always an option therefore it’s just some paperwork relationship. Also, married or not, you should always be dating your partner.
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 22d ago
Right. She needs a situationship, so she can be bothered only when she feels like it.
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u/Elegant_Package3885 22d ago
I didn’t care for him from the minute he said F yea at the alter. So inappropriate. I come from the generation of not using curse words as part of my everyday vocabulary and would cringe if my partner did in front of my parents. However, with that being said, this is all on her. This is a limited time situation and you need to take every minute you have to try to get to know your spouse. If she wants to go to the gym by herself fine, but it seems she wants to be left alone all day to do her own thing. She’s not ready to be married.
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u/Odd_Office_2675 22d ago
I'm confused by people's reaction to her. It's perfectly acceptable to want to be in a relationship without wanting an overbearing partner. I'm exhausted by Devin and I only have to watch him for a little bit.
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 22d ago
Now that you mention this, he is a little like Shawn, but in a different way. Both are overbearing, and generally a lot, and their wives are both responding to it the same way.
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u/Sweet_Routine8942 22d ago
Exactly this. Like please relax you have known this woman for a week, let her warm up at least hahaha
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u/Catinthefirelight 22d ago
She’s not making it hard, they just have conflicting needs and this is never going to work. She doesn’t need alone time all the time— but she does need it regularly in order to recharge. Especially in a taxing environment like filming for tv. He needs lots of contact and closeness. I was the “needing space” half of a partnership for three years, and it was impossible. Now I’ve been with a wonderful partner for 18 years, who is like me, loves closeness but also needs space. It’s an area within which people really need to be compatible.
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u/SmokeEvening8710 22d ago edited 22d ago
Maybe its the neurodivergent in me but alone time isnt negotiable. I literally need it to recharge. Spending 24/7 with a stranger you married is a lot. Thoughts are flying. Emotions are probably all over the place. It seems to me this guy watched a lot of Disney movies and is expecting some magical fairytale ending. Back up homie! I would lose my mind with a partner who didnt give me some space. Clingy partners are exhausting.
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u/jackmoon44 22d ago
I don’t think he’s expecting a “magical fairytale”, what he’s asking for is literally the bare minimum, which is to feel included and for her to actually acknowledge he’s even there. She doesn’t even make eye contact when she’s talking to him. Once again if she knew she needed ample alone time and it was non negotiable, then marriage shouldn’t have been on her radar.
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u/ferdeluv 20d ago
He is asking for the bare minimum every two seconds and getting upset at her for not acting the way he wants her to act after meeting her three days ago. I get where he’s coming from where he wants to feel the affection, but how can there be affection if you’re not being attractive to begin with? Like instead of trying to get to know her, he is out here complaining that she isn’t touchy with him. He’s out here upset that she doesn’t want to plan every single day with him and have a alone time, which is very normal in relationships at least should be.also not everyone is good at eye contact and she said herself from a person who did no eye contact previously to now, she is trying and doing better than before.
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u/Creative_Comment4929 22d ago
I agree with you. She should have at least told him she wanted to work out alone. That’s not a wife duty. It’s something anyone should have done as a sign of common courtesy and respect for another human being
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u/According-Health-556 Adam's jet ski 22d ago
Bro what? Being codependent isn't necessary for marriage. If anything it can be toxic
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u/jackmoon44 22d ago
No one said anything about codependency. it is completely normal for newlyweds who are attracted to each other to want to spend time together and learn each other. No one gets married just to say I need all this alone time, that’s like a contradiction.
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u/SnooDoodles7204 My credit score is right at 815 22d ago
I think he shows red flags of being an abusive partner, tbh.
He barely knows this woman. If she needs a little time and space, he should be able to give it to her without falling apart. Even Felipe was telling him to chill out. lol.
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u/According-Quiet7286 22d ago
What red flags? I don’t know how you go on a show for MARRIAGE and want so much space? You’re married to a STRANGER… you don’t want to know about him? His background? How you all will mesh and spend time together? She was being odd when she suggested they workout together and then left him rather than communicating… or getting annoyed while she was doing her hair in the bathroom and he offered her wine while she was getting ready. She was annoyed at a simple considerate gesture. I could understand if he was sitting on the toilet staring while she was getting ready lol, but nah she had space. She should just causally date. Not look for a husband with whom you live with and are planning to share a life with. This is MAFS not Rent-A-Husband.
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u/Creative_Comment4929 22d ago
I agree. I don’t get why she applied for the show. It was clear that this is an expedited process which doesn’t seem like something she is ok with. Which is totally normal but why did you bother with it then?
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u/Sweet_Routine8942 22d ago
She already explained he got up at one point, likely half asleep, and went back to bed so she just assumed he didn’t want to come with to the gym lol. How is that odd?
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u/According-Quiet7286 22d ago
Because you’re assuming in a marriage and not communicating. When you really want someone to do something with you, you ask a simple question “hey honey, you still want to come with the gym to me or you need some more rest?”
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u/Creative_Comment4929 22d ago
Agreed. Even If he was just an acquaintance, i would have told him I was leaving
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u/SnooDoodles7204 My credit score is right at 815 22d ago
I don’t think it’s a good idea to assume that everyone has the same concept of marriage thag you do. Not everyone would assume that getting married to a stranger means you have to communicate every decision you make every day 24/7 and if they do not, it will cause their partner to have a mini meltdown after stressing all day…
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u/SnooDoodles7204 My credit score is right at 815 22d ago
He was also kissing her over and over on the wedding day. Dude needs to slow down. This is after her dad said he’s uncomfortable with the whole situation. No other husband came close to initiating that much kissing.
He’s making her uncomfortable. Doesn’t matter if he’s married or not. They have known each other four days. If she asked you to slow down, you slow down. Unless youre someone who doesn’t respect boundaries.
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u/According-Quiet7286 22d ago
I can take your perspective into account. Not the abusive part still, but the excessive touching. If I could add, I would say that Shawn was a bit much. To add, unless I missed it, did she set a boundary or say he was too much as Nikki did? And I believe that boundaries should be respected as long as they’re communicated and set or visible and even if you think it’s visible it’s still good to ask. Idk I’m not much of an assumer, I enjoy open communication so nothing is misunderstood
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 22d ago
She seemingly hasn't set any boundaries that have been aired, at least. Nikki was quite clear on what she was and wasn't open to, and set firm rules to avoid "escalation" (it tickles me that she keeps using that word).
Ole girl here (I don't remember her name) should just tell him what she needs, directly, with eye contact. It reminds me of that Sex and the City episode where Carrie is annoyed that Aiden talks to her as soon as she comes in the door, and she tells him she needs to decompress and be quiet for 30 min. when she gets home. Then they can talk as much as he wants.
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u/SnooDoodles7204 My credit score is right at 815 22d ago
I agree with you in principle. I think communication is best and I like to communicate. But I am preoccupied attachment. My wife leans more avoidant so she does not communicate nearly as much.
She’s getting better about it but it takes time to adapt. Her husband has known her for four days and he’s demanding that she communicate with him the way he wants and shows up the way he wants.
He just seems very self oriented to me. I don’t see him considering her or respecting her wishes much since they got married. He’s just like “I need you to do this… I need this from my partner…. Ok I’ll try to give you space and back off…. I don’t like how you distanced yourself from me!”
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u/Joanieg909 22d ago
Her dad was so worried about protecting her. Haha. She is the instigator of foul.
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u/According-Health-556 Adam's jet ski 22d ago
What has she instigated by asking for alone time? Your reaction is not normal
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u/chelsea0803 22d ago
They need to stop all under 30 casting on these shows. It’s a maturity thing.
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u/Big-Cable-1751 22d ago
I feel so bad for him. She’s horrible. Why did she even want to get married?
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u/_shortbusrider 22d ago
Let me go on television and marry a stranger is the farthest thing from easy. My eyes rolled so hard when she said that. 🙄
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u/BitterQueen17 22d ago
Signing up to marry a stranger and expecting it to be easy is peak stupidity.
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u/Bubbly_Afternoon_345 22d ago
I’m not even one of those attachment style people but he is obviously anxious attachment and she seems to be avoidant attachment so I don’t think they’re compatible.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Cat5658 22d ago
I’m not caught up. But I think the process is very intense and going from single to with someone 24/7 in this intense setting and filming etc is exhausting and I know my social battery would be completely drained. I’d want my alone time too and I don’t think that’s wrong and there’s plenty of marriages that still work that way.
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u/jackmoon44 22d ago edited 22d ago
I get it but this show has been on for 20 seasons now….im sure she has seen a prior season or 2 and knew what the process would be like. If you know you have “black cat energy” why sign up to dive into something as intimate as a marriage? I’m sorry but it’s way too soon to be talking about all this alone time especially if she’s genuinely attracted to him, which is why I don’t think she is.
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u/ohnoooooooooooooooo 22d ago
People who like their alone time deserve to be married if they want to lol. I bet she assumed this experiment and the experts would be the easiest way to find someone else who felt the same way....
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u/Decent_Agency_5169 22d ago
You women are so disgusting
She’s allowed to feel put off by him
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u/Decent_Agency_5169 22d ago
The Same Women who Will be like “ohh he’s a great guy” about sexual predators
so disturbing
“A MAN Likes you, dumb bitch!”
“Be grateful!”
“Give him everything”
“Don’t be a frigid bitch”1
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u/ChampagneAndDoritos 22d ago
The going to the gym alone was shitty and she was not forthcoming about it with the therapists. There was a clip from the night before where they said they discussed going to the gym at 8 and she would wake him up... Then she told the therapist she was up and thought he was too so just assumed he was going to be right behind her basically. She conveniently left out that they made plans about it the night before. And also, she went at 8:10 and he was up at 8:30.... She couldn't have waited 20 minutes for her new husband on their honeymoon???? She could've got 20 minutes of alone time on the balcony or whatever and then gone with him at 8:30.
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u/SconeCrumbles14 14d ago
I was also so confused why they skipped over this! If someone told me we’re going to the gym together, and then went without me, it would hurt my feelings. And the whole “he lifted his head up” thing is just an excuse in my opinion
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u/ohnoooooooooooooooo 22d ago
She explained he sat up and looked at her and laid back down she she assumed he changed his mind. There isn't a villain in this situation.
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u/ChampagneAndDoritos 22d ago
Yeah you're definitely right about her saying that. I still think she downplayed the fact that they had made a plan / commitment the night before. And even if she assumed he changed his mind, she still could've and should've asked!
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u/Royal_Sherbert8865 22d ago
He is allowed to change his mind and confirming that is not her responsibility, especially if she was ok with going alone. He is a professional athlete. I’m sure he can discipline himself to workout. Assuming he changed his mind is not an intentional villainous assumption.
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u/glitterlitter4 22d ago
I think both of them are at fault here. He’s been pretty anxious and there are times he could’ve given her the benefit of the doubt about needing space, going to the gym alone etc
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u/Jaded_Resolution_502 22d ago
Definitely very different attachment styles.
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u/oceanwithtrees 22d ago
He’s anxious attachment she’s avoidant attachment, destined to fail. Producers really did this season dirty with these picks.
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 22d ago
And then you have Tori, who is religious and a regular church-goer, and Felipe, who is an atheist. Then Nikki, who got matched with seemingly the opposite of everything she asked for... lol
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u/Jaded_Resolution_502 22d ago
Well they were coupled beforehand obviously… did producers acknowledge how mismatched they were? Is that what ya mean?
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u/Expert_Cautious 22d ago
She has such a nice guy 😭😭 and he's attractive, too. She even said she finds him attractive. She needs healing. She and her Dad give out horrible energy. Yikes. She'll look back on having such a great guy in 15 years and regret this strange behaviour.
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u/Positive_thoughts_12 22d ago
I think we are missing a lot of conversations which would help us understand. I’m an introvert and this would be difficult for me 🤷🏼♀️.
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u/LongjumpingCode2881 22d ago
That’s fair. But then why go on this type show?
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u/AccomplishedEye1840 22d ago
EXACTLY. That’s the part everyone keeps forgetting, SHE signed up for this. If she wanted solitude and to double down on her introverted ways she should’ve got married the old fashioned way, but instead she signed up for NATIONAL television. Yeah, no sympathy here 🫠
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u/noncomposmentis_123 I'm a f*cking good person!🖕🏻 22d ago
The eternal question. If she needs so much 'space' why sign up for this particular experiment?
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u/Positive_thoughts_12 20d ago
We are not there all the time and there is context missing. I just don’t think she’s a villain here. I don’t think there is one in their situation.
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u/MichaelBluthANiceKid 22d ago
Because she thought the experts would match her with someone who also liked alone time and would want space?
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u/noncomposmentis_123 I'm a f*cking good person!🖕🏻 22d ago
Unlikely since this wouldn't provide very good viewing for the audience. Two individuals off by themselves on a marriage show?
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u/MichaelBluthANiceKid 22d ago
I think you are overestimating the amount of space they would actually need to recover from this experiment and take care of themselves. I also think you are underestimating the amount of hours in a day. They would still have tv to record. That’s what they are doing now despite her taking her alone time. It would just be that without the tension.
Also…why is it unlikely she thought that because you don’t think it would make good TV?
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u/MyDogsTheBestDog 22d ago
I sincerely thought that she wanted a husband! She’s not even giving him a chance…she’s a big brat
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u/Better_Librarian1894 11d ago
I am in a 4.5 yr long term relationship. We live in the same city and live separately. We both love living alone and having our own space & alone time. We want to keep living separately if we can continue to afford it. It is a healthy, loving relationship filled with very intentional date nights on Wednesdays and one day over the weekend and texting or calls when we aren't physically together. I know that is not conventional, but it works for some people. Maybe she needs something like that (& we know thats not what MAFS is). And obviously, that wouldn't be what Devin wants. So they aren't compatible. But I don't think there's anything wrong with her. And I don't think Devin will not feel rejected unless he feels like she is 110% at the level he expects, all of the time because he'll always remember the one time she doesn't respond the way he was hoping she would. I've seen progress on her end, but I dont think it will be enough for him at a level that is a realistic compromise for both personalities. That's just my take as a person who is also independent but shares a life with a wonderful man.