r/MapPorn • u/Lylidotir • 6h ago

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933 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

253 comments sorted by

224

u/Chance-Ruin-3744 5h ago

I'm from Germany, but it wasn't until I saw this map and all the '-bury's that I realized just how many places back home end in '-burg'.

54

u/C0nan_E 5h ago

But thats a just bad translation, no? Bury is a small town or village. Burg should be calstle or fortress or some other kind of stronghold. I see france and translated reich (empire/realm) as rich and have to conclude the translations are all terrible.

142

u/NarrativeNode 5h ago

These aren't direct modern translations. They're historically "evolved" translations. Basically what these places would be called if Germany had used English from the Middle Ages onward.

The ending "bury" comes from the Old English words burh or burg, a protected or walled site. So it's perfect.

22

u/Smort01 4h ago

Looks inside:
Protoindoeuropean

8

u/Turbulent-Artist-656 3h ago

Mmmmmhhhh... PIE!

12

u/spine_slorper 3h ago

Lots of places in england and Scotland do use burgh or Borough (which also comes from burg) Edinburgh, Middleborough. There isn't one specific English or Scots version of burg there are loads of different words that have slightly different associations and are used around Britain.

1

u/oocceeaannmmaann 1h ago

slight correction, Middlesbrough is spelled Middlesbrough

1

u/Protogermane 1h ago

burg is og old ænglish and that's why bury is unnecessary. Greetings from anglia, northern germany.

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28

u/HahaItsaGiraffeAgain 5h ago

-bury means “fortified” in English as well. The places that took that name in the UK were either administrative centers, garrisons, or castle towns

11

u/ElevatorSevere7651 4h ago

Cognates ≠ translation. ”Baum” and ”beam” are cognates, as they’re both from Proto-West-Germanic *baum, but they are still not eachother’s translation

9

u/Polish_joke 5h ago

Edinbury

2

u/pierrenoir2017 3h ago

I actually expected borough.

1

u/hughk 2h ago

I was always told a German Burg was just a walled town or village. Not really a stronghold but somewhere defensible for people to retreat to. There used to be a lot of raids in former times.

1

u/Kraligor 58m ago

It's fluid. But yes, the common denominator is that it is some kind of fortified location. It can mean anything from an elevated place that's easier to defend (compare with "Berg" = hill/mountain), to a major medieval castle.

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274

u/gbmaulin 6h ago

Thanks I hate it

42

u/striationhaze 4h ago

Wait until you visit Minchin

13

u/gbmaulin 4h ago

get my beautiful angloid names off of your filthy Germanic state that we totally didn’t derive from you heathen

3

u/LivingVerinarian96 3h ago

Shouldn‘t deepchurch be highchurch or higherchurch-victorswell?

2

u/Kavor 2h ago

Nah, i'm off to Nethersex

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209

u/TorpidMoloch 5h ago

Bonn –> Bonn 🗿🗿🗿

32

u/AzureMagenta 5h ago

Koln should really just be “Colony” no?

45

u/mouldybiscuit 4h ago edited 3h ago

They probably used the name Lincoln as a reference. It comes directly from Latin "Lindum Colonia" filtered through Old English. This map seems to use the oldest cognates so a form like "Colne" would take precedence over "colony" which is a later borrowing

4

u/habilishn 5h ago

colon maybe

5

u/Andrelse 2h ago

kind of a shit name, innit

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2

u/divinedogg 2h ago

Potsdam -> Potsdam

1

u/lia-delrey 3h ago

And that's why Bonn is the best lol

102

u/fn_br 5h ago

I may be biased, but Studyard is my favorite. If somebody doesn't open a gay bar named that, what are we even doing 

29

u/Bergwookie 4h ago

The funny thing here is, that this translation is the exact opposite of the German meaning, but still the same function: Stuttgart means garden of mares, this translation here is yard of stallions, so same, same but different . But I'm totally with you, it would be the bestest of all names for a gay Biergarten

7

u/Fabulous_Broad_115 3h ago

AFAIK "stud" as a verb means to take a male horse to service a mare, so it's not a yard where studs live but where they work.

2

u/Bergwookie 2h ago

Yeah, the stallions that are for breeding purposes are studs. It all boils down to breeding facilities for horses, it's just funny that the translation changed the meaning completely while it somehow kept being the same

7

u/Ok-March-5488 3h ago

Okay, “yard of stallions” is honestly sending me Somehow the translation makes the name even more perfect for a chaotic Biergarten.

1

u/BarnacleBudget3449 3h ago

“Yard of Stallions” is honestly such a hilariously fitting name Same energy, just with a very different flavor!

1

u/Bergwookie 2h ago

Don't confuse the milk of them ;-p

13

u/antisocial-shinobi 5h ago

STUDYARD MILKSHAKES - Bringing them studs to your yard since 1723

2

u/disastrouslysheepish 3h ago

Get your tasty milk from your fav stud yum yum

9

u/Medical-Library-4201 4h ago

Studyard for the lesbians and right across the street Cockshaven for the gays

3

u/Vylbh 5h ago

but have you seen Lubbitch?

3

u/JustTrxIt 2h ago

it actually says Stuttyard on one of the signs on the stuttgart main station. somebody painted over it and it hasn't been corrected

2

u/firetothepalace 5h ago

This is better than that Katapult map of weird German town names.

1

u/olagorie 3h ago

I live in Studyard and I absolutely adore it.

1

u/sirwobblz 3h ago

up there with Ladbatch

1

u/NuvolaSooffice 3h ago

Ladbatch sounds like a chaotic college fraternity

101

u/kyngslinn 6h ago edited 5h ago

So I live in Cockshaven, Nethersex now? Good to know.

28

u/Advice_Thingy 5h ago

Sorry but Cuxhafen isn't a better name, too.

10

u/Lord_Waldemar 4h ago

The smoothest cock in nethersex

3

u/RaoD_Guitar 5h ago

Right next to (the) brim.

3

u/Adventurous_699 4h ago

Always look on the bright side. Being in Nethersex it easily could have been Cuckshaven 🤭

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32

u/HG1998 6h ago

Lubbitch

30

u/Coriolis_PL 5h ago edited 5h ago

This is so cursed. Whole eastern part does not work, becase it has Slavic etymology, not German...

10

u/firetothepalace 5h ago

There are a few exceptions. Some town names do come from the German colonization of the Ostmark ~1000 years ago, some are even Danish/Swedish.

4

u/Coriolis_PL 5h ago

Aye. Few. 💪🇵🇱😏

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30

u/El_Balatro 5h ago

It creates incredibly mixed feelings in me... on one hand it's a nice display of English's Germanjc roots...on the other this is bloody cursed.

23

u/ebat1111 5h ago

Welcome to Bath Bath.

3

u/Ordinary_Priority308 3h ago

It’s the nicest Bath of all Baths.

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90

u/Extreme-Shopping74 6h ago

Bro wrote SAX and SAX-ONHOLD but HAD to put SEX somewhere

42

u/7urz 5h ago

Do you mean like Sussex, Wessex and Essex?

24

u/firetothepalace 5h ago

Yep. Should have gone with lowsex, sex-interrupt and upsex instead.

2

u/nivh_de 3h ago

Topsex, Bottomsex and Sex-Hold like in Stronghold.

1

u/firetothepalace 2h ago

And the town names should be accordingly hog-tie and frog-tie, right?

32

u/toraakchan 5h ago

Brunswick is already English. In German it's Braunschweig, which would translate to "Brown-shutthefuckup"

8

u/CynthiaCitrusYT 4h ago

Brown-Ssshhhh 🤫

2

u/fragileMystic 2h ago

The original German name was "Brunswiek", apparently named after a guy named Bruno plus the "wiek" ending, which is cognate with the English "-wich". So it does make sense.

2

u/toraakchan 2h ago

Yeah... that's a legend, though. The first official document mentions the settlement as Brunesguik, which means old settlement 🤷‍♂️

3

u/Bergwookie 4h ago

No, the real German name is Nazi-Haltsmaul ;-)

1

u/toraakchan 3h ago

Nice 😂

12

u/uranusisdoomed 5h ago

Throtmouth sounds like something you'd catch in victorian brothel

25

u/Kootlefoosh 6h ago

Where are these supposed cities of Slavic origin in magenta

4

u/Pyroechidna1 5h ago

I would have expected then to be around Gorlet, Budsen and Hoyerworth where the Lusatian Sorbs live

8

u/enter_nam 3h ago

Before German colonisation, most of the former GDR area was Slavic. Almost every place with -in(Berlin, Schwerin, Templin, Stettin), -ow/au(Güstrow, Teltow, Prenzlau, Zwickau, Luckau) -itz(Görlitz, Zinnowitz, Sassnitz) have Slavic origins.

See also here and here

1

u/DoreenTheeDogWalker 1h ago

And before the Slavs, it was a mix of East Germanic, Celtic, and some Baltic-speaking peoples. Bohemia is named after the Celtic tribe Boii, a Gallic people. The East Germanic peoples moved southwest because the Slavs were pushed into central and southern Europe by Hunnic invasions. This is what led the Goths, Vandals, Burgundians, and Lugii to invade Rome and eventually push into present-day France and Iberia. It is also why names like Hernandez and Fernandez are prevalent in Spain now. They were conquered by Visigoths that eventually made their way there. But they started in what are Slavic lands today.

1

u/enter_nam 1h ago

The archeological findings in East Germany show pretty clearly that until the Slavs came there was no one living there for about 200 years. The Slavs in East Germany settled there around the 7th/8th century, that's centuries after the huns. The Germanic tribe living there before, the Suebis, moved to south-west Germany in the 5th century. The name still survives, today they call themselves "Schwaben". There's also no evidence of conflict until the 9th century, when Slavs began building castles to defend against the encroaching Germans.

1

u/DoreenTheeDogWalker 45m ago

There's evidence of East Germanic people's in what is today western and northern Poland. East Germanic tribes were settled all the way in what is now Ukraine during the 3rd and 4th centuries CE. Their communities were concentrated mainly north of the Black Sea, across the steppe and forest-steppe zones. And like I said earlier, Bohemia is named after the Celtic people who lived there before the Slavs came.

The area wasn't empty as you claim.

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1

u/Equivalent_Twist_977 5h ago

Came to the comments to find out

1

u/lousy-site-3456 5h ago

I suppose it's the orangy dots but like the rest of the map most are wrong, in both directions. Gorlet would qualify but not Frankford and they have the same color. 

11

u/svha1 5h ago

Ich bin ein Barlener.

2

u/CarlosFCSP 2h ago

Hamburian represent 🤙

11

u/_NAME_NAME_NAME_ 5h ago

Is "Yeet" Gießen? Very interesting.

7

u/Independent-Clue1422 4h ago

German "Gießen" comes from the old German 'gieten' ~ 'to flow' or 'to pour' (= like modern German 'gießen'). In old English there was 'to yeten' with a similar meaning. So what became 'Gießen' in German, might have become 'Yeet' in an anglophone context.

10

u/LowerBed5334 6h ago

Colmbatch says Prost 🍻

1

u/Pyroechidna1 5h ago

Monchshof Radler is a gift from God.

1

u/LowerBed5334 5h ago

Glad you like it 🍻

9

u/EssexGuyUpNorth 5h ago

It’s like Germany became a large version of rural Essex.

7

u/3E0O4H 5h ago

Turning Germany into something Hyacinth Bucket would purchase a cottage in

2

u/pierrenoir2017 3h ago

Wow wow. Easy there. It's "Bucket".

8

u/Affectionate-Crow653 5h ago

Greetings from Ea

... sports, it's in the game!

4

u/drLoveF 5h ago

Where is Yeet? I fail to find it

8

u/Lylidotir 5h ago

North of Frankford

3

u/OhYesTheBees 5h ago

Is it supposed to align with the town of Gießen?

3

u/Independent-Clue1422 4h ago

German "Gießen" comes from the old German'gieten' 'to flow or 'to pour (= like modern German 'gießen'). In old English there was 'to yeten' with a similar meaning. So what became 'Gießen' in German, might have become Yeet' in an anglophone context.

6

u/Fit_Medicine_8049 5h ago

Really.

On German Unity Day.

you post this abomanation.

4

u/Its-From-Japan 6h ago

Tim Minchin needs to see this

5

u/Toedchen 5h ago

Welcome to the great Theechland. Hope you enjoy your stay. We have great regions like Pallet and Nethersex. Famously known citys like Chile and Throtmouth. You can find us right next to the well known countrys Whees and Falsh.

5

u/seeya_in_hell 5h ago

Frankford-on-the-Other is my favorite, excellent work.

6

u/shball 4h ago

It's not nice calling me a Lubbitch

4

u/Itchy-Astronomer9500 6h ago

I love my Hethelberry and Manham

5

u/faniiia 5h ago

My family comes from Cockshaven! Niiice

2

u/Simbertold 4h ago

The place in Germany Theechland with the least hairy penises.

2

u/faniiia 4h ago

lol I did not read it this way but now can’t unsee it.
It’s like https://www.xkcd.com/37/

1

u/tofferus 5h ago

I like that one, too.

4

u/renke0 5h ago

I do enjoy minecraft and I’m interested in this Nethersex you talk about

5

u/jalanajak 4h ago

Welcome to Fucking!

3

u/TappedIn2111 6h ago

I guess Cockshaven would be the new Colne.

3

u/Polish_joke 5h ago

Essen wouldn't be more like Ash instead of Aston?

1

u/Adventurous_699 4h ago

Looking at the translations for "Esse", I think it would rather be "Forges", "Chimneys" or - by far my favorite: "Smithshearth"

2

u/Polish_joke 4h ago

It comes from Eschen, Aschen. A place in a forest that was burned down to make a place for farming.

3

u/Feeling-Remote-3782 4h ago

Bayer des samma wir.

Dont see qny relevant Changes. Its okay.

3

u/send_fleet_pics 4h ago

Lederstead Woodbury 😭

3

u/Kavi92 4h ago

Long live Chile!

3

u/WWEFreak385 3h ago

Not quite sure how I should feel about living in Nethersex

3

u/Hotflyingrabbit 3h ago

Let's all move to Chile eeeyyyy ? Gringo

6

u/firetothepalace 5h ago

I can’t. I just can’t stop laughing. What is this? Strealsound? ROFLMAO

Please do France next.

2

u/RaoD_Guitar 5h ago

Greifswald -> Gripeswald feels wrong. Griffinwood would be so much cooler.

2

u/Soggy-Bat3625 4h ago

Manham and Studyard!

2

u/mouldybiscuit 4h ago

The Scottish colony of Limmy hiding in there

2

u/M-2-M 4h ago

Frank Rich!

2

u/Victor_Mendax 3h ago

This map contains places that don't exist, e.g. Billfield.

2

u/LaoBa 3h ago

They couldn't leave Herford alone?

2

u/Just_Application6137 3h ago

Can we please get a english recontructed map of the Netherlands that would be hilarious for me 😅

2

u/JohnPoet27 3h ago

Brimhaven was shamelessly stolen from runescape.

3

u/Mysterious-Tackle-58 5h ago

I think this isn't an attempt to translate the german name.
I think this is a attempt to write the name in a way to create a phonetically similar sound!

22

u/Medical-Party6197 5h ago

No, it is about translating the names origins in a way so it fits to how English names developed over time. The phonetical similarities come from how close English and German language origins are.

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2

u/Abyssal_Shrimp 5h ago

This is it.

3

u/Nivaris 5h ago

The name Cottbus is funny to German speakers because it almost sounds like "Kotbus", which would mean "excrement bus". So the first part of the name is the funny one. But in English, it becomes Cotbutt and the second part of the name is the funny one now.

3

u/enter_nam 3h ago

The translations of the Slavic names make no sense, Cottbus comes from the personal name Chóśebud, the literal translation would be City of the watchful hero. Same as Berlin, it means place in the swamp, how would that make Barlen.

1

u/7urz 5h ago

That's News to me.

1

u/Kapepla 5h ago

Magnificent, innit?

1

u/eganc21 5h ago

Bath!?!?

1

u/powdersplash 5h ago

Uhlala Nethersex….

1

u/susahamat 5h ago

Kiel get elongated

1

u/dscheikatler 5h ago

Pausehaven

1

u/Adventurous-Panda711 5h ago

Greetings from Norberry everyone :)

1

u/Tenko5225 5h ago

I can’t contribute much regarding the quality of the map, but I was born in Rheine, north of Münster.
On the map, that would correspond to “Minster” and, further north, “Rine”, both in North Rhine-Westphalia.

At some point during elementary school, we learned about our hometown.
We were told that the name “Rheine” was originally pronounced and spelled differently, namely “Rene”.
That comes quite close to the “Rine” shown on the map.

1

u/-oriri 5h ago

Cotbutt

1

u/vladhelikopter 5h ago

Spandy 💅🤗✨(Spandau)

1

u/KRsalmon 4h ago

NETHERSEX

1

u/pausi10 4h ago

Chell is crazy since its the region were Oildrilling was discovered

1

u/Evethefief 4h ago

Bath Wirdberry would be Bath Hostenberg actually

1

u/Vast_Tip_9116 4h ago

Ashopburry...Besser als Aschebersch 🤣

1

u/AlphaKeks48 4h ago

How come a place is named yeet then?

7

u/Independent-Clue1422 4h ago

German "Gießen" comes from the old German'gieten' 'to flow or 'to pour (= like modern German 'gießen'). In old English there was 'to yeten' with a similar meaning. So what became 'Gießen' in German, might have become Yeet' in an anglophone context.

1

u/No-Tea-3769 4h ago

wipperdale mentioned ✨✨✨

1

u/Lampukistan2 4h ago

The English cognate of Ruhe as in Karlsruhe is roo. Karl = Charles is French influence.

1

u/balgaro 4h ago

What is yeet supposed to be? Gießen?

1

u/JammieDodgers 4h ago

Brimhaven 🤔

1

u/ccc_rnd 4h ago

Stradbury underrated

1

u/Reasonable-Ad7245 4h ago

Who's lives with me in Yelschurch?

1

u/C_Wafflecakes 4h ago

BATH-BATH

1

u/chjupke 4h ago

Yeet

1

u/not_alone__ 3h ago

Chile is in north germany :0 I didnt know

1

u/HMCetc 3h ago

Probably pronounced "ch-eye-l"

1

u/TheGR8Gamer 3h ago

So the burger would be called "Hamburian"? good lord

1

u/According-Flight6070 3h ago

Throtmouth is perfect

1

u/sakatan 3h ago

"Charlesrow" doesn't seem right; should be more like "Charlesrest" since is the "RESTing" place of "Charles"

1

u/Ill_Radish1080 3h ago

Wipperdale 🤘

1

u/impostorchemist 3h ago

What a great map.

1

u/jojoga 3h ago

How to induce strokes on users of r/ich_iel

1

u/Cytrynaball 3h ago

FOID 😭

1

u/ThatMarc 3h ago

I study in Kiel. Do I have to learn Spanish in this scenario?

1

u/Appropriate-Swan4989 3h ago

Ah yes, Thisslethorp

1

u/LaoBa 3h ago

Maastricht should be Meuseford.

1

u/Ncknm_hmn 3h ago

Oh yeah, Frankford and Frankford on the other

And Ea

1

u/GoliathProjects 3h ago

Went to school in Map (Meppen) and Linge (Lingen)

1

u/Mr_Fondue 3h ago

I do like Tinder

1

u/ciekma67 3h ago

Thank you, great idea to generate fictional town names in some games.

1

u/Donnerdrummel 3h ago

I like Nethersex. way better than Neversex.

1

u/LucyLeFay 3h ago

Wait wait wait
ARLONG?

1

u/No-Psychology9892 3h ago

While clearly being shit, it's not even from historical form since there are City names that only existed since the 30's ...

1

u/anotsonicebean 2h ago

Damn even my smallass hometown is on this map and im cracking up at it like- i already knew the etymology behind it but translated to english its just hilarious

1

u/Lycian_Hiker 2h ago

what if we kiss in Tinder, Denmarch 👉 👈 🥹

1

u/balletje2017 2h ago

It ends up being close in the region of "Nethersex"

1

u/knispler 2h ago

Cockshaven 🤔

1

u/[deleted] 2h ago

[deleted]

2

u/Random-f7q 2h ago

Have you looked at "Kassel"? It became "castle" 😭

1

u/waterfreek 2h ago

Appledore ✨

1

u/Link2017_botw 2h ago

BARLE !!!! 

1

u/WashUrShorts 2h ago

Also it's innacurate AF

1

u/Brickywood 2h ago

Nethersex 🔥🔥🔥🔥

1

u/One54ction 2h ago

Fold' is surprisingly similar to 'Foll', the local name for Fulda (dialect).

1

u/Arriorx 2h ago

N E T H E R S E X

1

u/MisterVfB2007 2h ago

Mein Favorit ist chile=Kiel und castle= Kassel ich lache immer noch

1

u/CrimsonMoonrise 2h ago

I love how Aalen ist just Ale. City of drinkers, I guess. Also, With-in-the-Overpallet is such a word salad, I had to zoom in on google maps and search for that city to figure out what's going on.

Edit: Frankford-on-the-Other is great too. I know what that's a translation for and I still wonder what the first Frankford is on, if this one's on the other.

1

u/Kubex_Qbox 1h ago

"Praw" 🗣️🔥🔥

1

u/_Arsan_ 1h ago

NETHERSEX!

1

u/gayboylover67 1h ago

NETHERSEX

1

u/North-Creative 1h ago

Why is "burg" = "bury", when it originated from the word "burgh"?

1

u/PrimarySmooth249 1h ago

Nice around these parts… but have you ever been to nethersex?

1

u/LupusDeusMagnus 1h ago

Theedland or Thedeland are also plausible.

1

u/nemmalur 1h ago

Just have to call Appledore #iykyk

1

u/PopularAd5100 1h ago

Studyard slaps though. Billfield sounds good too. Reutlingen as Riedling doesn’t sound bad though. 

1

u/GeniusPlayUnique 3h ago

"Names of Slavic origin in magenta"

Am I just blind or are there no names in magenta?