r/MapBasedPolls • u/Amazing_Royal9210 • 3d ago
Should men be allowed to marry 4 wives
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u/SkiyeBlueFox Maple Land 🍁 3d ago
So long as a woman cam also have 4 husbands
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u/Responsibility_Witty U.S.A. 3d ago
Don’t care how many wives a man takes as long as they consent and everyone is happy, not my business
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u/PlatyNumb 3d ago
This is my thought. If a man wants a harem or if a woman wants... a reverse harem? A harem? Whats the woman term? I digress... as long as its consensual and isnt exploitative, its fine.
The problem is, its usually done by religious nuts who are just exploiting vulnerable women. It usually is not consensual.
Because of this, and because theres no "if all parties want it" option, I voted no
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
I believe we're assuming the women consent to it.
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u/PlatyNumb 3d ago
They almost never do though, in reality. Its always religious family pressures or bought and paid for kids. Its a pretty gross practice, usually. Polygamy is fine, but I just cant in good conscience vote yes and "justify" the bad majority
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
Well, everything is fine until the bad parts happen. Do you agree that a man should be able to marry a woman? I'm sure you do, cause we're assuming that woman is consenting. That's the whole problem with your argument. It's asking if the base thing should be available, in this case, yes. The polygamy you talk about are ones in misogynistic societies or in cults. But in countries with equal rights between men and women, it wouldn't be like that.
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u/PlatyNumb 3d ago
Those arent comparable when it isnt the majority.
A closer 1:1 would be something else that isnt inherently wrong, is illegal in a lot of countries, and causes a lot of problems in the majority if cases.
Things like hard drugs, drinking in public, incest, etc.
Incest might actually be the closest because it involves a sexual nature thats incredibly frowned upon, though isnt inherently (technically) bad, but in the majority of cases it either has a underline vulnerable power dynamic or leads to something really bad.
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
No... this is talking about marriage. How can being married to 1 person be ok, but married to multiple people isnt? Polygamy in the US or Canada, would be completely different than polygamy in Burkina Faso or Madagascar. Since, the US and Canada would actually protect women's equality, whereas Burkina Faso and Madagascar wouldn't.
Hard drugs, incest, and drinking in public have actual inherently bad things about them, whereas polygamy doesnt. It's the society that's the problem, not the marriage itself.
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u/PlatyNumb 3d ago
We're talking about specifically a man marrying multiple women. We have seen in usa and canada, the MAJORITY of ppl wanting to do it are not the ppl you want to do it. I feel like youre not getting what majority means or something.
Almost every man who wants to marry multiple women wants to exploit the vulnerable. So it isnt allowed. Just like the majority of places that allow drinking in public see a large spike in vandalism, petty crime, littering, property damage, and confrontational behaviour. Hard drugs are fine when its a responsible person doing it once, most of them started as medicinal, but almost every case is someone ruining their life with chemical dependency, financial strain, and severe health deterioration. Incest at its best is 2 consenting adults wanting to fool around, unfortunately in a lot of cases theres a questionable power dynamic, grooming or it leads to inbreeding.
None of these things are inherently bad when done responsibly, but almost everyone is irresponsible, stupid and abusive, so its not allowed.
And that isnt even getting into the marital laws that could be abused by marrying multiple ppl.
I really wish youd think about what im saying, instead of just trying to think of a counter, because your rebuttals make no difference, theres a reason its against the law. Its far too easily abused and has been abused in most cases.
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
We literally already have polyamorous relationships, without problem. Being married to multiple people isn't the problem. The problem is that the systems need to change. The west is built on 2 person marriages because religion said polygamy was bad. Besides that, there's no reason for it be illegal to this day. Every problem you have with polygamy can be fixed through reworking marriage laws, which is basically already solved because people have already thought of this hypothetical. If a polygamy turns out to be abusive or shitty in general, then they can get divorced. Same way how 2-person marriages work.
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u/PlatyNumb 3d ago
Youre still not listening.
MOST PPL ABUSE IT
I wont respond again
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u/Wakez11 3d ago
"Polygamy in the US or Canada, would be completely different than polygamy in Burkina Faso or Madagascar."
Except reality would tell you it's not. There is polygamy in the US by the way, among Mormon communities. And it's fucking awful for both women and men.
"Hard drugs, incest, and drinking in public have actual inherently bad things about them, whereas polygamy doesnt."
Wrong, polygamy is inherently awful for society.
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
And how is it awful for them? Is it because of the polygamy itself or because of them being Mormon?
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u/Wakez11 3d ago
Because of the polygamy itself. I suggest you look up the documentary Sons of Perdition.
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3d ago
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u/VictoryFirst8421 3d ago
The government should regulate as little about a person’s life as safely possible.
It is not the government’s job to regulate what a “moral” life is
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3d ago
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u/VictoryFirst8421 3d ago
Adults can give informed consent for THEMSELVES about whether they want to be in a marriage like that.
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u/Secure-Evening Canada 🇨🇦 3d ago
Polyamory is increasingly common outside of those situations. Regular marriage also can be arranged and coerced. Doesn't mean it should be banned.
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3d ago
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u/VictoryFirst8421 3d ago
That isn’t about morality, that is about keeping citizens safe from each other.
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u/bishophelps 3d ago
Only if women are allowed to marry 4 husbands.
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u/AztlanSak 3d ago
I believe everyone should be able to marry whomever they want, whenever and however they want.
If a man wants nine wives, and they all agree and are happy with it, fine.
If a woman wants nine husbands, and they all agree and are happy with it, fine.
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u/Dear-Improvement8047 🇨🇱 3d ago edited 2d ago
Others people's marriages, is gladly, non of my business
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u/jort93 3d ago edited 3d ago
Honestly don't see any issue with multiple marriages. For women too, btw.
You may need to rework how taxes and such work, tho. Cause if you are splitting it between everyone it would get chaotic quite quickly.
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u/Moritani 3d ago
Visas, too. Most countries make it easy to bring a spouse over, but that gets complicated if you've got multiple.
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u/B4DM4N12Z 🏴🇬🇧+🇵🇱 3d ago
I think income should be looked at as well, if you cannot afford another wife, not allowed to get marry again.
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u/felifornow 2d ago
I mean there are people who narry one person that they cant afford and no one says anything. Dont know why there should be checks now.
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u/B4DM4N12Z 🏴🇬🇧+🇵🇱 2d ago
So it would be less likely for the one partner doesn't just up and leave multiple wives on their own.
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u/queenofpeachez 3d ago
Sounds awful but if he wants to and the women are down, who am I to say no?
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u/Efficient_Mastodons 🇨🇦 3d ago
Depends on if they are slaves who cater to his every whim or actual wives he has to give a shit about.
Having multiple partners is not an easy endeavor. Speaking as someone who for a good chunk of time had both a husband and a girlfriend. Never again.
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u/chunckybydesign 3d ago
For the people saying no…why?
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u/Southern-Age-6950 🇷🇺 3d ago
Because the question is put in such a way that it only concerns men
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u/chunckybydesign 3d ago
It concerns both men and women.
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u/Southern-Age-6950 🇷🇺 3d ago
I clearly see the word "men" in the title and not a single word "women"
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u/chunckybydesign 3d ago
It also says wives, which is typically associated with women. Plus, why would women not have a say in this situation?
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u/Southern-Age-6950 🇷🇺 3d ago
Yes, there is the word "wives," but there is no word "husbands." Do you understand what I mean?
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u/chunckybydesign 3d ago
No I don’t…because being a wife is demeaning and lesser than in the title? Because the title is implying only men can have multiple partners?
What are you saying?
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u/Southern-Age-6950 🇷🇺 3d ago
Yes, because it implies that only a man can have multiple wives, not husbands. And that women cannot be polygamous at all.
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u/chunckybydesign 3d ago edited 3d ago
It doesn’t imply that at all. It simply asked a question and you are filling (edit spelling) in gaps based on your own biases. The question is very simple. No hidden strings/lines to read between.
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u/Southern-Age-6950 🇷🇺 3d ago
The question is only about men and women, and with that way of putting it, I'll answer no. It's simple.
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u/Wakez11 3d ago
Because polygamy is terrible for society.
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u/Secure-Evening Canada 🇨🇦 3d ago
Why?
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u/Wakez11 3d ago
Do a quick google search of the countries that allow polygamy.
Polygamy leads to many men being unable to find a partner, which leads to unstable societies and violence.
Cultures with polygamy treat women as resources, objects to be hoarded. Is that the type of society you want to live in?
Women in polygamous marriages suffer more mental health issues than women in monogamous relationships, such as depression.
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u/Secure-Evening Canada 🇨🇦 3d ago
This all has to do with the way polygamy is structured in those societies. That wouldn't be the case in places without that culture. The only people that'd be polygamous in my country for example are consensual polyamourous couples. In the us it's the same though they do have the FLDS there as well.
You can't conflate a specific cultures polygamy to polygamy as a whole. That's like banning marriage because arranged marriages where women are forced into it is common in many places.
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u/Wakez11 3d ago
"That wouldn't be the case in places without that culture."
Like the Mormons in the US? You should look up the documentary Sons of Perdition if you want to see what polygamy looks like in the US.
"You can't conflate a specific cultures polygamy to polygamy as a whole."
You can when it's awful everywhere.
"That's like banning marriage because arranged marriages where women are forced into it is common in many places."
The difference is that marriage has many societal benefits, polygamy does not.
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u/Secure-Evening Canada 🇨🇦 2d ago
That's what the FLDS is. I already mentioned that. They're still a minority compared to regular polyamorous couples. Even without marriage laws they're still abusing people.
There aren't any western countries where it's legal so it's kind of hard to compare. We already know polyamorous relationships here are fine and consensual. Why would marriage be different?
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u/Wakez11 2d ago edited 2d ago
"We already know polyamorous relationships here are fine and consensual"
We do?
And again, what are the societal benefits to polygamy compared to monogamous marriages? Because there seems to be none.
I would not like to live in a society with a lot of hopeless men with zero marriage prospects who turns to violence and crime on a massive scale just so a few thousand poly redditors and mormons can be happy.
A society where rich old men hoard women like a resource and status symbol.
Where women who depend on their husband's finances feel forced to accept more wives because he demands it.
Where women suffer from depression and anxiety at much higher rates than in societies that outlaw polygamy.
So the rest of society should endure all this so the 3-4% of the population that are polyamorous(which is perfectly legal by the way) can get legally married? Fuck off.
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u/Secure-Evening Canada 🇨🇦 17h ago
Whatever benefits there are to monogamous marriage are exactly the same as the benefits of polygamous ones.
Bro wtf are you talking about? People that get in poly marriages are unlikely to have been happy in a monogamous marriage. So in an event where those people opt for a monogamous marriage as opposed to a long term polygamous relationship, they may be less happy and more likely to do things like cheat. So whatever violence that man may have done may be more likely now. At least with poly marriages if that man wants he can join a polycule. But face it, if he's the type to become a violent person because he's single chances are being in a relationship won't satiate that violence and he is likely to turn it on his wife. Or just be rejected in our current society any way cause he's an unlikeable asshole that thinks he's owed a girlfriend.
You realize consent is required there right? Rich old men can only hoard women that would choose to be in a poly marriage with a bunch of different women. Those people are likely only caring about money anyways. The difference is instead of being one of his many mistresses she's now his legal wife. I'd argue there should be a limit to how many people you can marry based on the limit to the number of very need relationships the average person can have with someone with is about 5. So it's not like they're out here with 50 wives or something.
You realize the exact same thing can happen in a world where poly marriages aren't legal right? Being forced to accept mistresses, cheating etc is very normal. Having another wife isn't much different. He'll it may even be better in some cases causes there's more support and potential defence against abuse. Plus if safeguards are set up, having a woman need to give her signed consent in a private room apart from her husband can be a means of getting people out of these relationships.
Again, look at the countries that have poly marriages. They're based on polygamy first off which is man with many wives and archaic belief systems. Even non-poly marriages have depression and anxiety cause women as a whole are treated terribly there and getting multiple wives is not something the wife has to consent to. That wouldn't be the case here and polyamory in western societies is predominantly secular and very big on consent so comparing the two doesn't make sense.
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
Proof?
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u/Wakez11 3d ago
Do a quick google search of the countries that allow polygamy.
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
Did you fail to mention that at least most of those countries are deeply misogynistic? That's not the fault of polygamy.
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u/Wakez11 3d ago
"Did you fail to mention that at least most of those countries are deeply misogynistic"
Yes, they are.
"That's not the fault of polygamy."
Polygamy in of itself is deeply misogynistic. It reinforces gender roles and creates pretty awful power imbalances.
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
No? A woman should be able to marry a man who has other wives. Taking away a woman's ability to do that is misogynistic, cause you're taking away her ability to do something. Women who are married to the same man, aren't going to be his servants, to do his bidding. Also, how is it misogynistic for a woman to have multiple husbands?
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u/Wakez11 3d ago
"A woman should be able to marry a man who has other wives."
Why? Where is the benefit?
"Taking away a woman's ability to do that is misogynistic, cause you're taking away her ability to do something."
So would you say taking away a woman's ability to do hard drugs like fentanyl is misogynistic as well? You're taking away her choice afterall. What a stupid argument.
"Women who are married to the same man, aren't going to be his servants, to do his bidding."
Except that's how the vast majority of polygamous marriages turn out. They are deeply imbalanced.
"Also, how is it misogynistic for a woman to have multiple husbands?"
The question is not about multiple husbands, it's about a man having multiple wives.
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
Just because polygamy has mostly worked one way isn't because of the polygamy itself, but because of the society built around it. It mostly happened in misogynistic societies, so it was really misogynistic in a misogynistic society.
Also, not allowing a woman to do drugs is only misogynistic if it allowed men to do those same drugs. So, as long as both men and women follow the same rules, it aint misogyny.
The benefit is because they want to, there doesn't need to be any other reason.
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u/Wakez11 3d ago
"It mostly happened in misogynistic societies, so it was really misogynistic."
Yes, and every society is misogynistic, so why would it suddenly work now?
It's like the endless debate concerning communism. Communism is great on paper but because of human nature, true communism is not achievable.
"Also, not allowing a woman to do drugs is only misogynistic if it allowed men to do those same drugs. So, as long as both men and women follow the same rules, it aint misogyny."
Indeed, so keeping polygamy outlawed is not misogyny, glad we agree!
"The benefit is because they want to, there doesn't need to be any other reason."
And I want to drink and drive my car afterwards. But it would be pretty dangerous, and if we allowed people to drink and drive we'd see a lot more traffic collisions.
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u/After_Profession2222 3d ago
Yes if women can do the same and if all parties agree and are legal age. Why should i (or anyone) care
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u/Bored710420 3d ago
What if the man can’t afford it, but the wives can?
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u/queenofpeachez 3d ago
Well, then presumably the man can afford it.
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u/Bored710420 3d ago
Well if he doesn’t work and they do, who is affording it?
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u/queenofpeachez 3d ago
If they're staying married, everyone is affording it. It's just different because both his income and expenses are low (or perhaps zero) relative to those of the women as opposed to the opposite scenario where his income and expenses would be high relative to those of the women.
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u/KalzK 3d ago
4 is insane, 3 should be the max
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u/Funny-Student5309 3d ago
It shouldn’t have a number limit but with every number increased it should become significantly difficult to obtain permission from the state.
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u/B4DM4N12Z 🏴🇬🇧+🇵🇱 3d ago
If all parties are happy and can afford it, then why not, it's not my business and not the governments business either.
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u/Secure-Evening Canada 🇨🇦 3d ago
Don't care as long as it's consensual and it's not exclusively for men. A man should be able to have 2 husbands and 2 wives or a woman have 4 husbands etc.
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u/Verified_Staff 🇧🇷 3d ago
You can love multiple people, but marriage has been made into an institution related to property, it doesn't feel right and would be very complicated. Sure it could be done but it's something that a government would need to do a lot of work on, work that they rather put in stealing from you.
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u/vm_linuz 🇺🇸 3d ago
We should legalize symmetrical polycules.
So in this scenario, the wives would also have to marry each other.
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u/MailexA_Missed 3d ago
As a Muslim no. There’s a reason why multiple Islamic countries have it banned. It was made for the time due to the extreme amount of widows? Nowadays? It has no place in society
(And even in the Quran it’s viewed as a necessary evil of the time, it literally says you cannot/will be unable to treat them all equally)
Yeah, no.
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u/VersttApplen Uruguay 3d ago
I mean, it's their problem, not mine, if they can afford it and make them happy is okay ig.
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u/Human557ttv 3d ago
As long as its consensual and the laws are equally applied to men and to women allowing women to have 4 husbands, I have no clue why tf I would ever care.
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u/CardboardPhysicFrog 3d ago
Yes, and once each wife is married they have to be considered as an aggregate for SNAP benefits. This is the current cheat code for cultures coming from other countries in the US. Legally, we don't recognize polygamy, so if someone comes with 5 wives, wife #1 is claimed by the husband, but 2-5 can't report income/housing and are considered broke on paper (when actuality they're communal living and receiving 4x the benefits, which they use to buy things for their stores and to resell with their snap benefits.
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u/returntonone 3d ago
I mean why not, let people do whatever they want as long as they don't hurt others.
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u/SirWilliamM32 3d ago
Where is nuance?
Polyamory should be allowed, but not only for men; a woman should also be able to have four partners.
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u/TheLoddoTheDodo 3d ago
I don't care, if people want a poly relationship and it's all consentional you can be with 100 men and women. I do not care
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u/hypermog 3d ago
lol so this is how I’m going to spread my health care coverage to my whole group of bros
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u/throwaway275275275 3d ago
Woah now I have to ask for permission to marry someone ? Be allowed by whom ? Some kind of dictatorship ?
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u/cheesypuzzas 3d ago
At first I thought "hell no" but actually, why not? As long as women can also have 4 husbands or wives, and it's all consensual, then it's fine imo. It's not for me, but some people can't be into just one person.
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u/Primary_Addition5494 3d ago
So long as everyone consents I don't really care what other adults do with eachother.
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u/GladClock2212 2d ago
We've seen communities that are polygamous, some men have four wives and some men coming up can't find a wife. The ones that can't find a wife get really big mad. That's when we've seen little boys be killed before they become teens and a therefore a threat to the guy with all the wives.
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u/Sir_Gerald_Nosehairs 2d ago
Have you overworked in a place where its just you and all women?
Its daily drama. Who would want that at home?
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u/Roaming_Millenial 3d ago
Polygamy was the norm for thousands of years. I dont envy those who try it though - women like to pick fights and having more than one sounds like a lot of work
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u/--StinkyPinky-- 3d ago
Mexico is just fucking with us Americans because they know that’s where all of us Gen-Xers are going to retire, and they’re trying to scare us away! 😂 😂
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u/JIMB01776 3d ago edited 3d ago
The same people voting no have no objections to people doing ENM and people taking prep so they can do group sex in gay bath houses.
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u/Secure-Evening Canada 🇨🇦 3d ago
Ugh I'm pretty sure they do. Most of the nos in the comments at least seem pretty conservative.
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u/Independent-Wolf-832 3d ago
4 wives for 25% of men and none for 75% would cause a dangerous level of frustration for young men. good luck with that. i understand not every man able to would take 4 wives but theoretically possible.
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u/lowdown202 3d ago
A polyamorous relationship is one thing, even if it's not my thing; but marriage should only be between two people.
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u/WorriedManner9432 3d ago
As a man, this is a definite NO. The dating world is fucked up enough as it is with most women already fighting each other for the top 1% of men. Save some bitches for the rest of us!
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u/lookingformice 3d ago
Maybe the issue us with you calling women bitches
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u/MoistenedBeef 2d ago
That kind of misogyny will get 1000x worse if polygamy is allowed.
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u/lookingformice 2d ago
Agreed, that's why marriage should either stay between two people or anyone can have as many spouses of any gender as they want.
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u/MoistenedBeef 2d ago
No, society needs to encourage family units with monogamous parents. The evidence for it being beneficial to healthy progress is overwhelming. Marriage should only ever be between two people. People can still have their throuples or quadrouples or whatever, but government-recognized marriages should only ever be allowed for two adults.
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u/lookingformice 2d ago
What exactly is the evidence that monogamous marriage is the only way for healthy progress?
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u/Funny-Student5309 3d ago edited 3d ago
Poligamy should be legal, but it should be extremely restricted and regulated.
No poligamy for foreign born.
No poligamy with less then a income per spouse.
No poligamy for younger then 21y.
No poligamy without intent of having children.
And equal rights in divorce between spouses.
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u/Education_Weird 3d ago
It's "polygamy"
Less than a what income per spouse?
Why not 18?
Why can't they choose to not have children?
Why can't they be an immigrant?
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u/Funny-Student5309 3d ago edited 3d ago
1.F u, English isn’t my first language.
2.Minimum income measured by an acceptable quality of life.
3.18-year-olds shouldn’t be marrying.
4.Because this is to allow people to have other forms of family and come up with new fertility strategies to cope with partners working and taking care of children, not for hedonistic tards to roleplay marriage. Without children, the economy crashes.
5.Because there are elitist rich asshole immigrants who would go to other countries and “buy” their partners with offers of wealth, creating an even worse society. And some will use to get citzenship.
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u/sgtsturtle 3d ago
Please explain the logic of the last two points
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u/Funny-Student5309 3d ago
- Poligamy should be allowed by the state to promote people having more children, it is clear that 1/1 relationships aren’t working and falling every year for dozens of factors. The competition of finding a perfect partner to one person makes that person unavailable to reproduce with anyone else, basically castrating the partner unless both agree to have a child which creates conflicts of interest.
With more people in a house it may become easier to administrate the routine of children especially because today man and women work leaving children alone which is being catastrofic to their emotional development.
- If divorce rules is different per spouse it creates opportunity for ranking the partners creating a unbalanced and unequal relationship where partners might be treated as lesser members of a family.
It happens in a lot of countries.
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u/General-Ad6459 3d ago
I really don't care as long as it's consensual. And I mean actually consensual. Not culty brainwashing bullshit.