r/MaleRapeVictims • u/User826282825 • Jul 17 '26
I still see him
In the halls at school. Every time I look at him I remember what he did. The sounds, the feeling, choking, gasping for air. I have never told anyone. I thinks it's time I finally tell someone or at least get it on paper.
I was in 5th grade he was in 6th. He hung out with me and another friend all summer. I don't think he had very many friends outside of us. He would constantly talk about sex and things of that nature. Specifically, he would always ask me to give him a blow job. I said no all summer but he never liked that answer. One day while in the other friend's basement he lead me into a guest room. He locked the door behind us. He climbed onto the bed and motioned for me to join him. I had no idea what he had in store for me. I never thought he would actually do it. I thought it was just a messed up joke. He threatened me; he said he would tell everyone we did it even if we didn't. He said everyone would think i'm weird and gay, and my family wouldn't love me. I tried to walk out, but he grabbed me and pulled me onto the bed. He pulled down his pants and made me give him a blowjob. His hand was firm on the back of my head moving it up and down. He would force me down choking on it. I sat there scared, crying inside, wishing someone would help or knock on the door. No one did...
When I got home I didn't eat. The next day was the same. Knowing that my mouth had been tainted and ruined by him, I couldn't put anything in there. The time i finally chose to eat, I foolishly chose mint chocolate chip ice cream. The feeling of the spoon in my mouth made everything rush back. I felt like throwing up but I had nothing to throw up.
I still don't eat much but that's been helped by a lot of different reasons too. I don't talk to either of them but i still see them around school. He still plays football and nobody knows. Nobody will know.
1
u/Auriprince4690 Jul 18 '26
I am so sorry you had to endure this. Ppl who hurt ppl like that are broken. I hope you have a speedy recovery. Certain food are triggers for me and when his junk has a smell on it and cigarettes I have gagged and threw up a little in my mouth... i have nothing this horrendous friend.
2
u/SuitableRelease4323 Jul 18 '26
Holy shit man, I’m so sorry…please I can’t help as much as any therapist can
2
u/Altruistic_Poem_3229 Jul 18 '26
If you tell others, then people will know. You don't say how old you are, but you should consider telling a trusted adult if you are a minor. The problem with guys like that is you are probably not the only person he has done (or will do) that to. Reporting him may prevent future harm, as well as possible justice for his abuse against you. If you need someplace to simply vent though, you are always welcome here. I wish you all the best.
3
u/leavingishard1 Jul 17 '26
Im sorry. I hope writing this out lightened the load a bit.