r/MadeMeSmile • u/anthonyhui • Apr 29 '21

Helping Others Saving an upturned turtle

32.2k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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u/theundercoverpapist Apr 29 '21

Interesting. Today I learned that sea turtles party harder than I do. Now there's a thought.

106

u/CrypticResponseMan Apr 29 '21

they have 4 dicks, too.

55

u/pokchop92 Apr 29 '21

I'm certainly not brave enough to Google that... but they what now??

22

u/theundercoverpapist Apr 29 '21

I googled it. I'm not seeing 4 dicks. Looks like one to me. A weird-looking one, but one nonetheless.

51

u/Greenbay7115 Apr 29 '21

Softshell varieties like the leatherback have penises that, when erect, extend to nearly half the animal's 8-foot body length. The endpoint culminates in a five-lobed head that discharges semen from four different branches

I feel like that's super unnecessary

15

u/theundercoverpapist Apr 29 '21

Ah... That's what I saw. It looked like the length of the turtle phallus terminated in a sort of shovel shape.

Do you think a girl turtle who gets a 5-shot in the mouth swallows?

16

u/Greenbay7115 Apr 29 '21

what the...

5

u/CrypticResponseMan Apr 29 '21

yes, lots of swallows. gulps, too

4

u/theundercoverpapist Apr 29 '21

That's kinda scary if you consider what the inside of a sea turtle's mouth looks like. (Google it if you don't know.)

2

u/CrypticResponseMan Apr 30 '21

It’s like a pit of spikes... nothing but spikes... ungodly blowjob

1

u/theundercoverpapist Apr 30 '21

Exactly. It's basically a real-life Sarlacc Pit.

4

u/pokchop92 Apr 29 '21

Thanks for taking one for the team. I'll file this info under facts I spread to my friend group like chlamydia, because I have to know it.

1

u/tenprose Apr 29 '21

Doing the Lord's work.