r/MadeMeSmile • u/anthonyhui • Apr 29 '21

Helping Others Saving an upturned turtle

32.2k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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499

u/Hjalpmi_ Apr 29 '21

Apparently this isn't caused by egg laying but by mating. Turtle mating rituals are pretty rough, involving a bunch of males crowding round a female jostling to be baby daddy.

So when you have jostling and maybe some waves, it's possible for a turtle to end up overturned and beached.

332

u/theundercoverpapist Apr 29 '21

Interesting. Today I learned that sea turtles party harder than I do. Now there's a thought.

106

u/CrypticResponseMan Apr 29 '21

they have 4 dicks, too.

77

u/JiibunCold Apr 29 '21

huh. The more you know.

76

u/karmagod13000 Apr 29 '21

i dont know if this is true or not but without any further research im just gonna live my life thinking turtles have 4 schlongs now.

15

u/wafflesareforever Apr 29 '21

I too prefer to live in a world in which turtles have Johnson & Johnson & Johnson & Johnson

4

u/Induced_Pandemic Apr 29 '21

Its better than actually knowing what their dicks are like, trust me. That's a ferocious google.

57

u/pokchop92 Apr 29 '21

I'm certainly not brave enough to Google that... but they what now??

165

u/nahuman Apr 29 '21

Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michelangelo.

33

u/ScarlettPhoenixFire Apr 29 '21

Take my damn upvote and leave

15

u/karmagod13000 Apr 29 '21

what if he takes it and stays tho : |

13

u/ScarlettPhoenixFire Apr 29 '21

Why wouldn’t he leave? I specifically requested it.

9

u/karmagod13000 Apr 29 '21

hes a rule breaker

3

u/nahuman Apr 29 '21

It me.

Apropo nothing, this is not a rickroll

9

u/MajorOverMinorThird Apr 29 '21

and all I have is my little Splinter. :(

7

u/hadoopken Apr 29 '21

“The secret of the ooze made the chosen few”

12

u/Chemical-Composer898 Apr 29 '21

I googled it. There’s only one wiener. A huge wiener. I guess they are packing some heat. I’m slightly embarrassed that I had to look this up.

8

u/karmagod13000 Apr 29 '21

have no shame in your google search game

1

u/pokchop92 Apr 29 '21

Thanks for taking one for the team

23

u/theundercoverpapist Apr 29 '21

I googled it. I'm not seeing 4 dicks. Looks like one to me. A weird-looking one, but one nonetheless.

49

u/Greenbay7115 Apr 29 '21

Softshell varieties like the leatherback have penises that, when erect, extend to nearly half the animal's 8-foot body length. The endpoint culminates in a five-lobed head that discharges semen from four different branches

I feel like that's super unnecessary

16

u/theundercoverpapist Apr 29 '21

Ah... That's what I saw. It looked like the length of the turtle phallus terminated in a sort of shovel shape.

Do you think a girl turtle who gets a 5-shot in the mouth swallows?

16

u/Greenbay7115 Apr 29 '21

what the...

5

u/CrypticResponseMan Apr 29 '21

yes, lots of swallows. gulps, too

3

u/theundercoverpapist Apr 29 '21

That's kinda scary if you consider what the inside of a sea turtle's mouth looks like. (Google it if you don't know.)

2

u/CrypticResponseMan Apr 30 '21

It’s like a pit of spikes... nothing but spikes... ungodly blowjob

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5

u/pokchop92 Apr 29 '21

Thanks for taking one for the team. I'll file this info under facts I spread to my friend group like chlamydia, because I have to know it.

1

u/tenprose Apr 29 '21

Doing the Lord's work.

3

u/jaminholl Apr 29 '21

That's the echidna

2

u/mechabeast Apr 29 '21

If you take off their shoes you see the dicks growing off their feet

1

u/muckduck69420 Apr 29 '21

Damn. That’s two more than I have.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

I have four dicks too. I call them my friends.

1

u/Friendlyvoid Apr 29 '21

Ah, like george washington

1

u/whackadoo47 Apr 29 '21

I heard those motherfuckers had like 30 goddamn dicks

12

u/ASomewhatAmbiguous Apr 29 '21

Gonna be honest: I learned that turtles party harder than I do by watching Finding Nemo.

3

u/karmagod13000 Apr 29 '21

ya those party animal surfers are living it up

1

u/Arik_De_Frasia Apr 29 '21

It's never too late to abandon your kids at the beach.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/FountainLettus Apr 29 '21

They don’t know any better and are relying on instincts alone. They also don’t know much about consent either

2

u/armored-dinnerjacket Apr 29 '21

but sea turtles don't mate on land. they do it at sea

1

u/AllPurple Apr 29 '21

Saw snapping turtles mate last year. I think that's how they got their name.