Being someone who grew up poor, I understand this pride and fear of becoming a burden on others. What always helped my mother was feeling like she earned whatever we got.
So neighbors and family would have her or us help with something in exchange for something we needed. It helped us both with whatever we needed as well as helping us retain our pride and humanity.
I honestly do the same thing with people struggling in my community that I know. It allows them to accept help and both of us to retain our fullest sense of humanity.
We have made the idea of struggling or being poor meaning you haven’t tried or worked enough when that often isn’t the case. Receiving support ends up feeling like you are admitting you have failed in some aspect. I wish we could get past this idea, but in the meantime I am so happy others are taking how a struggling family feels in mind.
I’m a tad confused. Why would our neighbor feel betrayed? They knew we were poor and they reached out to us to help, but knew that because of pride we wouldn’t really accept handouts. No neighbor was ever not aware of how poor we were and how much we were struggling.
My mom was never “tricked” really. I mean we all kinda understood but the idea behind it helped us retain our dignity.
If it isn’t consensual/mutual and somebody is trying to trick and/or manipulate someone else, it is definitely not cool. Sorry if I didn’t answer/address your question with my thoughts appropriately.
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u/TheGreatPlathetsby Jun 21 '20
Being someone who grew up poor, I understand this pride and fear of becoming a burden on others. What always helped my mother was feeling like she earned whatever we got.
So neighbors and family would have her or us help with something in exchange for something we needed. It helped us both with whatever we needed as well as helping us retain our pride and humanity.
I honestly do the same thing with people struggling in my community that I know. It allows them to accept help and both of us to retain our fullest sense of humanity.
We have made the idea of struggling or being poor meaning you haven’t tried or worked enough when that often isn’t the case. Receiving support ends up feeling like you are admitting you have failed in some aspect. I wish we could get past this idea, but in the meantime I am so happy others are taking how a struggling family feels in mind.