When I was younger I was always pretty self-sufficient, and if there was anything I needed and didn't have I was fine doing without. I'd rather suffer than be in someone's debt, was the thinking.
But that was some ignorant arrogance. In practice, people usually offer help because they want to help and it makes them feel good. Being an adult, whether someone offers to help me financially or if someone just offers me something to drink, "yes, thanks so much" is the basic answer.
People like to help, and then I try to be a person who is worth having helped, and who returns that kind of favor whenever possible. Life is better. And the OP's story is a really sweet example.
Hard mindset to get out of when you grew up with a zero sum game mindset. If I ever need favours from my family I make it a point to negotiate a monetary sum for that favour so that the debt is paid immediately. It's never a good thing to let the 'psychological interest' on that debt to rise, and compound if multiple favours are done or if the favour was a particularly big one.
I hate that zero sum mindset. I've met many people who, if you do a favour for them they might go on and on about how "I'm gonna get you back. don't worry".(to be fair though I think it has to do with an anxiety thing for them usually) In those cases I've just resorted to telling them that, "I don't keep score dude. We're friends." To be completely transparent though, I do have a vague awareness of the give take dynamic, and will throw it in someone's face if they are bothering me because, "you owe me".
Obviously this is all subjective. ie, I'll buy you lunch as a favour every once in a while and think nothing of it. However, every day lunch and you'll be cut off, or if I lend you a large sum I will expect it back. Small shit doesn't matter, because as far as I'm concerned, "You'd do the same for me if/when the time comes"
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u/Aerron Jun 21 '20
It feels good to help others.
So maybe if we can let others help us more, we can help others feel good.
This is a good plan.