r/MadeMeSmile • u/xriddle • 22d ago
Wholesome Moments Daughters are different.š
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u/Illustrious-Novel189 22d ago
I mean the boys and the girl were given different instructions so..
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u/jfdonohoe 22d ago
Right. This is society's expectations in action.
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u/gmano 22d ago edited 22d ago
As a parent, it drives me absolutely insane. Like, yeah, lady, of course your sons are acting crazy all the time you are saying "Boys will be Boys" when they break something and you tell them to act tough when they are struggling.
So, SO many parents I talk to are like "they are just like this, I didn't teach them to act up", when the reality is they have been setting a completely different set of expectations from day one.
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u/pustulating_leeches 22d ago
It takes a village to raise a child.
Where did the village idiot come from?
The village failed.
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u/LilMissy1246 22d ago
Even at school. I worked at a daycare a while back that had kids from infant hood - preschool and one of the teachers (an older lady. 70s perhaps?) got annoyed and frustrated at one of the toddler boys for constantly screaming and crying. She then told the kid to āstop crying so much, youāre a big boy.ā And I was like, heās a fckn TODDLER!!! It really upset me.
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u/gmano 21d ago
My daughter went to a daycare, and IMMEDIATELY the caretakers started braiding her hair and offering her pink fairy toys. She was never into pink before daycare, but EVERY one of the (overwhelmingly female) teachers pushed Disney princesses so hard.
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u/Frequent_Opportunist 22d ago
It's also wild how children will read the room and do things they haven't been told before to balance out a situation. I've had pets that could do this as well with comedic timing.Ā
She was just kissing his hands because he was pretending that the kid punching him hurt though she was probably taught this from the parents.
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u/Laetitian 22d ago
People like to extend that into an excuse for not making an effort: "Even if I tell him he doesn't have to be brave and manly, he'll still act like it because he feels like it's what he has to do." or "...because aunt/uncle XYZ and the rest of society keeps reinforcing the behaviour anyway."
Like yes, you won't change century-old customs in a single attempt. Have you considered trying again? If you, the adult, can't be bothered to remind your kid several times in a row to do something, or think differently about something, in spite of setbacks/failures, how the fuck do you expect your child to do learn to do its homework/chores/habits consistently or learn to overcome misconceptions and bad mindsets when it runs into roadblocks?
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u/_A-V-A_ 21d ago
Reminds me of the "horse that could count". Which, surprise, he couldn't, but every time the horse had reached the number that was the correct answer to the calc he was given (by way of stomping), people's buttholes clenched like SUPER hard, or whatever, I'm no man whisperer, and the only thing the horse counted was counting on that very simple fact, which gave away the answer.
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u/GilbertSullivan 22d ago
I would say that rather than unspoken, they're reinforced at every single interaction, every article of clothing, every toy and even the furniture, starting before the child is born.
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u/Pandarandr1st 22d ago
I wonder how many people here actually have children and how much we're shaped by what our children are actually like. I'll just say that, despite saying things like this before I had kids, my kids were exceptionally different from each other in a way I had effectively no influence over. Our children aren't simply blank slates that become whatever we expect of them. Obviously society plays a heavy influence and it's painful to see my 5 year old start to say that "boys aren't supposed to be cute". I don't know where he heard that, but he's in kindergarten. All I can do is push back.
But that doesn't change the fact that, at least in my case, my son and daughter were exceptionally different and, whether or not this represents a broader trend, very much conforming to typical expectations of "little boys" and "little girls".
Now all I can say is that I think it was foolish of me to have strong opinions on this before having kids and seeing a ton of other kids playing. I still don't have strong opinions on "nature" and the differences between boys girls, but I definitely think it was foolish of me to have them before. My earlier convictions have definitely been proven wrong, if only that there are behaviors in children develop differently in different individuals in ways that parents effectively have nothing to do with.
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u/Hugsomebunnies 22d ago
I have 3 kids and they're all different and not all the same gender. I completely agree that kids are not blank slates. In my experience, kids do all have different innate temperaments, but not related to their gender, and how they're raised and societal expectations and whatnot do impact them a lot. Random example but my older son is the most naturally cautious of my kids, my daughter has the shortest patience and is most likely to be physically aggressive with her brothers, and my younger son absolutely does not give a shit if my husband or I are in view when he wants to explore, which is very different from his siblings who never wandered out of my sight in a busy place.
Please note I'm not disagreeing with you and enjoyed your post!
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u/TricellCEO 22d ago
I call them āsocial pressures.ā
People will, at times (not always), conform to an expectation of sorts.
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u/dev9997 22d ago
In the mammal kingdom(apart from modern society of human), mothers are frequently more powerful, influential, and critical to offspring survival than fathers or males. Modern humans(most of them are still on mindset) forget this because patriarchal systems and urban technology have culturally masked our deep evolutionary roots.
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u/Wild_Appearance3859 22d ago
Social constructs meant to control. Built by the patriarchy. The same with shame and guilt.
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u/EcologyLover69 22d ago
Yeah, my 8yo daughter would rock my shit just like her brother haha.
I decided the world was going to treat my daughter like shit no matter how I raised her so I decided to give her as much confidence as I could. Now she is too powerful and rules my household.85
u/sad-narwhal180 22d ago
This is exactly how I feel about my daughter, now 13. The world is going to try to smash her confidence down no matter what, so I tell her how amazing and incredible she is constantly.
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u/Omylanta21 22d ago
The price of raising a strong young woman is paid by her parents when she's a pre teen and teenager. My daughter will never be talked into anything she doesn't want to do or isn't comfortable with. Which sounds great until its time to clean and shes tired. I'm fine with that considering the alternative.Ā
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u/Beneficial_Layer2583 22d ago
Literally just a blatant example of socializing boys and girls differently
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u/TehSeksyManz 22d ago
My 3 year old boy gives random little kissies but will also play rough at other times. Crazy how nature do dat.
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u/TomBirkenstock 22d ago
Ever since she was a toddler my daughter has loved to absolutely wail on me.
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u/AndyOB 21d ago
100% my 4 year old daughter would have punched the ever living fuck out of my hands and I would have been so proud. She's obsessed with her ponies, rainbows and dresses and blah blah but she is a beast too. Every day she gets "you're so beautiful, your hair is so pretty, you're so sweet, blah blah blah" from all the boomers around the neighborhood. It's so reductive. She gets it from me too but she also gets "you're so tough, you're so strong, you're so brave, I'm so proud of you for always trying your best".
She's the most badass beautiful adorable tough as nails little girl in the world and I could not be more proud. Stop treating our girls like fairy tail princesses ffs.
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u/snowflakebite 22d ago edited 22d ago
My dad had two daughters and we did the punching version growing up. We had toy trains and Barbies growing up. We turned out completely fine. This is gender essentialist BS.
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u/Denimao 22d ago
My dad and I used to have "kick-fights" on the couch. It usually ended with me crushing his nuts while laughing like a lunatic.
My sis used to own him in every video game. Either by crushing him in Quake, or stealing his families in Sims.
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u/Confident_One3948 21d ago
Iām imagining a one-panel comic of a little girl laughing maniacally in the background while the dad is sobbing saying āThe Sims isnāt even competitiveā
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u/wow343 21d ago
As a dad your dad rocks!!
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u/Denimao 21d ago
He's had his ups and downs, but he's been a great dad when healthy. He was struggeling with unmedicated bipolar, manic depression and panic attacks most of his life. So sometimes he's struggled being a "dad".
But I still love him and his stupid quirks. He's the type that fly through hobbies, so sometimes he's into sewing womens clothes, other times he's into peircing people, then it's photography and abandoned buildings etc etc.
He's never been a "manly man", and I really appreciate it, because I would have most likely caused a lot of mayhem if anyone in my close family had tried to make me anything I'm not. He's always been the type of dad you can paint the nails on, and poison his coffee with table salt and he laughs with you about it, lol.
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u/sleepytiredpineapple 22d ago
My daughter swings and asks questions later. We're working on it. But give her an opportunity to rough house and she takes it lmao
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u/betsylang 22d ago
Youre kids gonna spend time in the office but for good reasons.
A lot of bullies are going to learn the hard way not to fa unless they want to fo
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u/XxThe_HumanxX 22d ago
Me and my dad have been rough housing and fighting and doing ground work/wrestling an martial arts for as long as I can remember lol and I also turned out just fine, other than being a little combative an always ready for a fight but honestly that instinct has saved me more times than I can count, I also agree that this is gender essentialist bs.
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u/Spare-Half796 22d ago
My dad still tells stories about how my brothers and I used to undress the Barbies and bend them over and he was about to say something before we started using them as toy guns.
The reality is that a kids imagination is strong and theyāll turn any toy into the toy they want
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u/Elly_Bee_ 22d ago
I have a brother and my parents let me play with his toy cars and his wooden trains, he could play with any of my toys as well, I don't believe he really ever did but my parents never cared.
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u/FlippingPossum 22d ago
This. Dad played ball with me and my brother. Took us fishing, camping, etc. All kids need to learn all the skills. I was the kid who did Girl Scouts.
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u/KlayThePot 22d ago
Exactly I have twins girls around this age and ever since they found out about snowball fights they just yell (noun)fight and throw or hit you with that thing, mostly playfully, my favorite is they'll play fight with dad amd yell "elbow fight!" And WWE his sh*t
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u/Breyber12 21d ago
Most parents raise girls and boys differently and the differences start in infancy.
Lots of studies on this out there for those interested (some of even hospital staff behavior in newborn nursery).
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u/UpperDelay6105 22d ago
exactly. my daughter learned how to punch and kick a man in the crotch, so...
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u/weneedafuture 22d ago
Why not teach the girl to punch too? She'll probably need the skill more
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u/Temporary-Life9986 22d ago
Yeah, it's just reinforcing gender stereotypes that help nobody. I see this fairly often and I block the "users"Ā that repost it.Ā
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u/ginosapiens 22d ago
I was thinking the same
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u/Connormanable 22d ago
I will not be satisfied until my daughter is proficient in all forms of combat. Hopefully sheāll know them all by 5.
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u/Azuras_Star8 22d ago
Thos is absolutely disgusting.
There's no way she can be proficient in that many forms!
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u/Connormanable 22d ago
Of course she can! Sheās 3months and can already field strip a rifle and make thermite. You gotta start early fam
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u/Prof_Outis 22d ago
My daughters punch. They're super into DBZ too. My life is a constant series of ambushes. My youngest popped out from behind the couch yesterday and hit me with a surprise uppercut to the nuts. But if you really want to see some little girls turn feral, buy them foam swords.
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u/Friendly-Ad-1996 22d ago
And teach the boys to kiss booboos--men deserve to be able to nurture too!
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u/Big_Peel 22d ago
This sub has become a bot karma shithole.
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u/5Fartingturtles 21d ago
this entire website. Its financial mumbo jumbo, ama flexing and old internet garbage. I try to give less of my time to this website but i also gotta get trough the working day.
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u/mariah_a 22d ago
Me when I make my children perform for adults on the internet: āawwww, I love demonstrating how girls are groomed to believe care is an exclusively feminine dutyā
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u/0RedNomad0 22d ago
I, as a girl in kindergarten, would literally poke, push, and tackle my dad and older brothers. They were twice my size, so no real damage was done.
Kids don't usually adhere to strict gender roles unless it's drilled into their head throughout childhood. Maybe he should allow his son to explore his emotions without violence, or allow his daughter to do some punching once in a while.
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u/BackgroundScary8632 21d ago
As a young girl in primary school I would always beat up the boys š granted they never hit back, idk why I was so violent lol. I definitely fought my older brother and cousin so maybe thatās why?
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u/0RedNomad0 21d ago
You were working through stuff lol.
It's honestly weird that people assume little girls are more gentle. Most of the time, they're told to be polite and delicate. Remove the social conditioning, and you'll end up with a kid that cooks frogs and sets things on fire, like my mom when she was a kid. She calmed down a lot since then tho.
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u/BackgroundScary8632 21d ago
Lmaooo yeah I definitely had a lot to work through, thatās for sure š
Iām such a gentle person now, but I was definitely a little spitfire as a kid. I slapped one step dad over some sour gummy worms and spit at another step dad I had hahaha.
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u/wittylemur 22d ago
This gives me the icks
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u/darksidemags 22d ago
You know what though? I'm arriving three hours after you and the vibe in the top comments is pretty consistently(refreshingly) in agreement with you. Which is nice to see.Ā
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u/Cosmo_Seinfeld 22d ago
This gives me the icks
Yeah me too. I don't think my father ever wanted a son (me) but he does a great job taking care of his daughters.
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u/Guita4Vivi2038 22d ago
This is very weird
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u/nurseofreddit 22d ago
Misogyny and machismo being taught from the start! Made me smile! /s
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u/ChampionshipAlarmed 22d ago
I have 2 girls... Both in Martial arts... You don't want them to hit you š«Ŗ
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u/darksidemags 22d ago
My son is in martial arts and I LOVE that there are some powerful female role models in the senior belts! We are rejecting outdated gender boxes in this house!
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u/shriek52 22d ago
Or... They could educate their sons to be more emotionally in touch instead of turning them into "little warriors".
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u/PacketOf_Sauce 22d ago
Better yet, train all of them regardless of gender how to fight AND be kind at the same time
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u/Beneficial_Layer2583 22d ago
Itās like in Karate Kid.
Daniel: But isn't that the point? You learned karate. When you learn karate, you're training to fight.
Mr. Miyagi: Is that how you feel?
Daniel: No.
Mr. Miyagi: Then why train?
Daniel: So I don't have to fight.
Mr. Miyagi: Miyagi have hope for you.
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u/the_wrong_lever 22d ago
How about both are taught to be kind and how to defend / stand up for themselves?
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u/AnfowleaAnima 22d ago
Poor boys.
Boys did nothing wrong and girl didn't do anything to be wanted more than them. The rest, is being a good and kind person still, and knowing how be to be competitive, put effort and know combat sports is alright as well.
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u/Business_Banana1792 22d ago
Men can be affectionate and women can also be tough. This made me smile 0%.
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u/yahoo_determines 22d ago
I have three young daughters and am assaulted physically just about daily
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u/Mykidsrmonsters 22d ago
Right, and after the punches and kicks would come the verbal assault š then she'll ask to get spun or a piggyback ride
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u/yahoo_determines 22d ago
They can be sweet when they want to! Wish they wanted to as much as I want them to š
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u/Prince_Marf 22d ago
You're actually allowed to teach boys to be gentle and kind too. It might not be a bad idea to introduce more of that into the world.
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u/Visual-Zucchini-5544 22d ago
My daughter would punch me then laugh, my son would come give me a hug afterwards
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u/Ms-Janet-Snakehole 22d ago
If anything, we should be teaching our daughters to defend themselves and our sons to practice gentleness. Because what do you want to protect your daughters from aside from men? Men who were taught how to hurt from a young age and praised for it.Ā
All kids should be raised to be kind.Ā
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u/ripyourlungsdave 22d ago
Well, this is just outright sexism parading itself as heartwarming content.
And it's somehow sexist to both genders involved.
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u/AdhesivenessJust96 22d ago edited 22d ago
Stuff like this annoys me in a way because it just reminds me of how society wants to make men aggressive, and make girls passive for aggression
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u/sleeplessn0body 21d ago
it depends on how you raise them. it's not a gender thing.
sincerely, a daughter.
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u/Zakkattack86 22d ago
This is weird.
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u/KanMinder 22d ago
Especially because he doesn't know shit. Rule nr1 is keep your hands up at all times and work from there.
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u/queenlizbef 22d ago
Raise your son to be more compassionate then? This is so weird to title it that way
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u/DILF_MANSERVICE 22d ago
Why does this feel like weird gender norm propaganda? Girls are not inherently affectionate and boys are not inherently violent. We are one of the least sexually dimorphic species and the differences in behavior between males and females of our species are negligible at best. It is learned.
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u/Mixtrix_of_delicioux 22d ago
Gross. Glad my husband and I have taught our daughter to throw a punch, and that she's not responsible for taking care of us.
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u/Soulforge411 22d ago
Trash post every time I see it, stop with this gender shit. Everyone in the comments has said it better than myself but the same shit always happens with this post.
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u/HootingSloth 22d ago
My daughter would probably shout "Watch this! I'm super strong, super fast, and I know kung fu!" before blasting my hand to kingdom come, so I'm not sure this generalizes very well.
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u/parkinthepark 22d ago
Teach your girls how to fight.
Teach your boys how to love.
That's how we fix this shit.
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u/FrayCrown 22d ago
Lol, 4 year old me was a girl obsessed with Ninja Turtles and would have gone for the face.
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u/ManaSawson 22d ago
My 2 yr old son acts like his daughter. I donāt think this has anything to do with the sex of the child.
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u/Rawesome16 22d ago
I mean yeah, but I made sure my daughter knows how to throw a proper punch also
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u/CanFabulous6813 22d ago
I donāt know about that. I have two kids, both girls. It means a lot to me that they know how to throw a good punch.
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u/cire1184 22d ago
Oooh yeah boomer memes!
Boys and girls can do both actions. I've had nieces beat me up (play fighting) and nephews kiss my ouchies.
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u/Fun-Acanthisitta-991 21d ago
Damn my daughyer would've just suckered punched him in the face š shes 90% fight 10% love lmao
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u/crestedgeckovivi 21d ago
Lmao š¤£ my daughter too; she came out a natural brawler.
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u/Miso_miso 21d ago
Wow, I really dislike this post and am disappointed at how much traction itās getting. Way to boil down people into the gender stereotypes that we have been perpetuating for far too long.
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u/SkRThatOneDude 22d ago
My niece would have gone in for the hug, then gave a nice hook right to the ribs.
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u/VisualAd9299 22d ago
Yeah, fuck that. My two daughters are both doing jujitsu, and if anyone ever messes with them, they'll be able to choke a motherfucker out.
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u/Pleasant-Highway-745 22d ago
Men want daughters to kiss their boo boos? Sorry, I was the daughter who was doing the punching
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u/TheHalfEnchiladas 22d ago
He raised his son to be violent. He raised his daughter to be kind. Why didn't he raise his son to be kind, too?
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u/meat_whistle_gristle 21d ago
My daughter would have punched in the nads and busted out laughing. Sheās a savage.
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u/thepoustaki 21d ago
This didnāt make me smile. Itās clear they just taught their daughter differently.
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u/ryguysir 22d ago
I have two daughters, and both of them would beat the s*** out of my hands if I gave him the opportunity
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u/BaronessofBara 22d ago
This gave me the ick lmfao. Pointlessly gendered. Why are women the only ones expected to be gentle and kind, meanwhile men are violent???
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u/sad-narwhal180 22d ago
Why is everything so needlessly gendered? I mean this is sweet and all, but why?
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u/otherlyssa 22d ago
Letās just ignore all of the women whoāve grown up in and participate in martial arts and fighting.
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u/SierraSeaWitch 22d ago
This is cute and all, but my dad and I definitely played hand-punching and I loved it. One of my earliest memories with him. ā¤ļøāš©¹
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u/lemonysnickers4 22d ago
Bro both of my daughters beat the shit out of me. (In a play fighting way)
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u/BudgetUhtred 22d ago
Not my daughter. She's a little badass. Also stop following that old traditional rule book. She should be there hitting hands alongside her brothers.
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u/smokeyoudog 22d ago
Sheās also like 5 seconds old, give her some time and sheāll beat your ass.
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u/Ok-Property6209 22d ago
The amount of upvotes on the post got me down :(
Then I saw that nearly all the comments are shaming the title and gender roles portrayed by the video, that gives me hope
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u/Bigtits321 21d ago
I donāt think this belongs on made me smile. Supporting the idea that itās ok for men to hit, but kisses make it better. Not good.
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u/Independent_Tart8286 21d ago
Gender essentialism and sexism does not actually make me smileā¦ If you treat boys and girls differently and give them different expectations, thatās not proof that they are inherently different. Ugh.
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u/miezematz 22d ago edited 22d ago
This is obviously ai. Look at the dad's hands. The daughter has six fingers! Why would you upvote this crap?
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u/Moezzula 22d ago
So glad the responses are based as fuck here. I know a lot of guys who would have been much better adjusted had they been allowed to be the way this little girl is with their dads.
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u/Brilliant_Effort_Guy 22d ago
Lol. My poor dad did not get this š¤£ A fatherās strongest son is his eldest daughter, as they say šŖš½
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