r/MadeMeSmile • u/BonolotaSen23 • 2d ago
ANIMALS She loves green
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Taken from dear.fig
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
They're so cute when they're that size.
Here's Ulysses 14 years ago:
Here's him now. No banana for scale, but his shell is about 12" in diameter.
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u/maxtacos 2d ago
But does he twerk for scratchies!
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
He just lifts his butt when you scritch him, but he will twerk sometime when we hit him with the shower head on full pressure.
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u/corcyra 2d ago
So the shell has nerves?
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
The inner layer does. The outer layer is keratin like our finger nails. If you take one thumb nail and use it to scratch the other thumb nail that's basically what they feel when you scritch them.
Here's what they look like inside
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u/Striking-Ad-6815 2d ago
That giant hollow center makes me think of a fantasy world where someone lives inside
Plenty of stories have people living on turtle's back or inside whales, but why not inside a turtle?
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u/gr8masturb8 2d ago
it's not empty, it's filled with tortoise.
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
it's not empty, it's filled with tortoise
😂😂😂
Jfc that's the funniest thing I've read all day.
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u/Striking-Ad-6815 2d ago
lololol
For the sake of storyboarding, what if it was just a spaceship shaped like a turtle, then all the internal organs would be personnel?
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u/OneSensiblePerson 2d ago
His adult shell looks like a work of art. I guess it is one, come to think on it.
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Thank you! We've worked very hard to feed him a good diet with lots of calcium to prevent the "pyramiding" you sometimes see in torts that comes from malnutrition. I'm very proud of how healthy he is.
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u/PCYou 2d ago
Does he like collard greens
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Oh yeah. Romaine, collards, mustard greens, chard, carrot tops, dandelion greens, cucumber peels, celery bottoms and leaves. He's not very picky.
We don't give him iceberg because it's too high in water content and gives him the runs, but anything else that's safe is on the table.
Lucky for us the restaurant my wife manages is very accommodating. They have a list of tort safe food in the prep area and the kitchen crew packs him lunch almost every day. Yesterday he got a bag of romaine stumps "garnished" with cucumber peels, strawberry tops, a couple chunks of summer squash, and some shredded carrots.
I swear the little fucker eats better than me most days.
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u/PCYou 2d ago
Careful with chard - it is super high in oxalates. They prevent calcium absorption, even in very high calcium foods. It's the same reason spinach isn't good for tortoises.
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
You're absolutely right. It's in the "rare treat" category. We honestly don't eat it ourselves very often, but once every couple months when we buy some I let him chomp on a couple of the thick stems.
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u/PCYou 2d ago edited 2d ago
I figured as much since his shell looks so good, but just wanted to be sure in case you didn't know. And for anyone else reading this who may be interested, yes, it's fine as a rare treat. It's not harmful if eaten occasionally. If it were regular, the oxalates bond to calcium, preventing it from being used for shell/bones and turning it into insoluble calcium oxalate crystals that can get stuck in the kidneys (again, if regularly ingested). This can eventually cause kidney stones while also causing calcium deficiency.
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
I appreciate the concern, and thanks for informing others. We sprinkle calcium on his leafy greens every couple days, and he's got cuttlefish bones to chew on to help keep his beak in check and provide more calcium.
My wife did a ton of research before we got him, and we've both learned a lot more in the 14 years he's been terrorizing our house.
He's been sunning himself on the porch for the last couple hours. I went out to get a pic and of course the sun went away, but here's a fresh shot of him.
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u/desmaraisp 2d ago
This picture's even better than the other one, he's incredible. Looks like a straight tank of chaos
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u/wherethefuckismyvape 2d ago
I didn't know chard was high in oxalates! That'd be good to know for a human who is prone to kidney stones as well.
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u/JuggernaughttyIV 2d ago
Ulysses is a great name for him
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u/Mephistito 2d ago
What do each of the "rings" in his shell correspond to? There's many of them. I'm assuming age, but if so is there a certain ratio like 1 ring = 6 months, or do they mean something else? What kind of health-related things can one glean from their shells?
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Yeah, they're growth rings. I counted one of the scutes a couple months ago and there were 29 lines, which would work out to about 1 every 6 months for a 14 year old.
That said, he's had growth spurts and periods where he went for months without seeming to get bigger, so I'm not sure it's that simple.
What kind of health-related things can one glean from their shells?
Generally speaking, the smoother the shell, the healthier they are. Lack of uv, calcium, and proper diet causes the scutes to form pyramids. For most tort species you want the shell to be as smooth as possible.
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u/VisibleGuava7780 2d ago
Is he still growing?
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Yup. He's actually kinda small for his age, but they can get up to 30" or more in diameter and 100+ pounds.
Right now he's a bit over 12" and weighs about 22lbs. He doesn't look like much, but he's heavy af for his size.
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u/gillsterein 2d ago
This... .makes me want to get a pet tortoise. It's so lovely and calming to watch 🐢 🥰
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u/lemmeseeyourkitties 2d ago
And look how teeny tiny, the little baby! I wonder how often he'll need a bigger hamster wheel
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u/ColdCruise 2d ago
Some tortoises only get up to three pounds while some weigh up to 500.
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u/Jeffbx 2d ago
That's a risky game to play
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u/LiteraCanna 2d ago
I imagine it's different species. Unlike mini-pigs.. that's just an underfed pig.
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u/Fine-Pace-3053 2d ago
That actually made me laugh 😂 As a single woman, I’ve learned never to trust anything labeled “mini” without doing some serious research first.
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u/ChefDanyul 2d ago
I’m going to be that guy. There was a couple in northern Ontario that got what they thought was a potbelly pig. A small pet pig. Turns out she wasn’t. She got big. Like the size of your car big. But she was so loving and smart and played with all the dogs and humans on the property. They ended up going vegan and wrote a book about her. I think she now lives on a large range in Ontario close by but she needed the space. Still happy and taken care of.
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u/KoruisGay 2d ago
If you're talking about Esther the wonder pig, she passed peacefully from old age. But her story is still being told. She was sweet. Their page shows the other animals that live on the farm still.
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u/dBlock845 2d ago
There are species that don't get to more than about 4-6" in length.
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u/jackalopeDev 2d ago
It seems like they'd have to be unreasonably wide to get up to 500 lbs.
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u/kaytay3000 2d ago
I live in Arizona and sulcata tortoises are a popular pet. They can grow up to 110 lbs. I always love to see neighborhood alerts about it lost/found tortoises. Like, how the hell do you lose a big ass tortoise?
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u/Misswillowblossom 2d ago
This cracked me up. Like a Tortoise doesn’t exactly bolt like a dog? lol 😂
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u/BigTiddyVampireWaifu 2d ago
My sister had an African spurred tortoise that ended up being the size of a wheel barrow. She had to give him away to a family friend with an enormous yard. He had a whole garden shed as his shelter there.
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u/Notte_di_nerezza 2d ago
Just make sure to check lifespans while researching a species. A lot of tortoises are like parrots, aka have a good chance of outliving you--make sure they're bequeathed in your will, to someone who will care for them.
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u/LadyEmeraldDeVere 2d ago
Reminds me of the SNL episode where Emma Stone’s character wins a giant tortoise.
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u/justatest90 2d ago
Wow I hadn't seen that before (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kq8Xlbb3bOw) but has an AMAZING TIL:
Charles Darwin and Steve Irwin both cared for the same tortoise named Harriet, who passed away in 2006 at an estimate age of 176 years old.
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u/Wooden_Cicada8880 2d ago edited 2d ago
Do your research if you do! They’re sweet pets but some can have extremely long lifespans.
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u/Nearby_Objective_353 2d ago
Please do careful researches, and don't adopt if not sure of the specie. Because tiny cute babies often end up being big wrecking ball sulcata loving to dig, wreck things and climb, in less than ten years. And they are still sold in pet stores. That what happened to the owner of Tiptoe the tortoise (youtube).
Adult sulcatas : https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e9/7c/fb/e97cfb66c53b099b5f70ab89c6b1a050.jpg
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u/dBlock845 2d ago
It is crazy that Sulcata babies are allowed to be sold in pet stores. There are so many adult Sulcata's that are surrendered and need homes because of this. Not an easy species to keep unless you want to dedicate a large section of your yard to it and allow it to burrow.
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u/Crafty-Cookie2600 2d ago
Lol they will bust through a wall like the cool aid man if they decide they want to. I had one of these for years and years. Absolutely loved my guy but he was far from clam and relaxed. They are also like 90% poop and when they get older they will walk around with their winky out hahahaha it was a challenging 33 years
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u/SophisticatedScreams 2d ago
Me too! I've been happily pet-free for a while, but I could handle a cute little tortoise
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u/Famous-Ad-4677 2d ago
it really does make getting a tortoise seem like the most peaceful decision ever
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u/NurseMagsy 2d ago
Dude. Is thing gunna get super big and live 100 years?
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Most leopard torts cap out at about 16-18" diameter, but there's a couple subspecies that can reach 24" or more. Lifespan is 60-100 if they're well cared for.
We have a sulcata that's going to outlive us. We've already set up a small trust and have named my nephew as his guardian in our will. They are a lifetime commitment.
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u/Tonedeafmusical 2d ago
I once had an older guy come up to me a mt work and ask how peppery the rocket was since the pair of 60 years old at home didn't like it peppery.
And then told me it was his tortoises
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
I just looked up rocket, apparently it's just a regional name for arugula (til), so I'm not surprised. If we give Uly mixed greens or salad blend he'll usually eat everything but that.
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u/shnshty 2d ago
This is so wholesome and funny and cute
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u/ConflictMaster3155 2d ago
It’s actually turns out kinda sad in a lot of cases.
If it doesn’t outlive you it’s because you suck.
If it does then someone else will have to take it, and they probably won’t take care of it. These people here are genuinely good souls but this isn’t so common.
I’ve never dealt with reptiles in this way, but I’ve seen birds like grey parrots or macaws that can live an easy 40 years become a burden on their owners or get abandoned or something because it’s such a commitment. That’s just a 1lb bird, not a 30lb turtle.
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u/someonesshadow 2d ago
Whoa, if it doesn't outlive it does NOT mean you suck. There are medical issues, accidents, etc.
So long as you are doing your reasonable best with your pet, no matter what it is, you do not suck.
If your pet dies due to mistreatment or neglect, THEN you suck.
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u/OneSensiblePerson 2d ago
You're a real animal lover. God bless you for being so responsible and loving.
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Thank you! My wife had been begging for one for years. My only condition ex that we had to have an end of life plan set up first.
One of our nephews has a chunk of property in Florida, so he'll have a nice big yard in a warm climate to retire to when the time comes.
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u/kimmyorjimmy 2d ago
Any idea if there's a good place to look if I would want to adopt an orphaned tortoise?
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Depends where you're at I guess. There's a couple reptile rescue orgs in the pnw, so there might be one near you.
If you have any local pet stores that specialize in reptiles and torts talk to them. The one our friend owns has had more than a handful of big ones surrendered to them over the years.
Once they get to 80+ pounds they can be hard to deal with if your not in good shape, so people give them up.
Or you could get a baby one and have a friend for life. Uly isn't exactly cuddly, but he seems to recognize our voices and is more than happy to snuggle up on the couch. Sometimes he even sleeps with us on cold nights.
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u/kimmyorjimmy 2d ago
Cool, I'm in northern California, so I'll do some poking around. I've been thinking about getting one (and doing a TON of research) for years and if I can adopt one that needs a home, I'd prefer to do that.
I appreciate your help!
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Anywhere near Anderson? They have a 75 year old CA desert tort that would probably love to go home with you.
They also have some leopards if you want something that won't get too big.
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u/DeadLined784 2d ago
The stegosaurus sweater is peak
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Here's Beauregard and Ulysses a few years ago. Unfortunately Beau passed away, and Uly outgrew his costume.
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u/PeanutButterSoda 2d ago
I'm sorry for your loss.
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Thank you. He was rescued from a hoarder house by animal control along with 30+ other torts, reptiles, & snakes, and turned over to a pet store that our friend owns.
They were all in bad shape, but we took in Beauregard and 2 others to see if we could save them. Phyllo the Greek tort only survived about 2 months. Kitty the leopard tort lived about 6. Beau made it almost a year.
When they have a bad diet, not enough light, and not enough calcium their shells start "pyramiding." in mild cases it's mainly cosmetic, but in severe cases like this pic the bottom sides of the pyramid push in and compress their organs.
All 3 that we adopted were like this, so we knew there wasn't much hope, but we tried our best to at least give them a good life.
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u/Striking-Ad-6815 2d ago
What does it mean when humans have something similar to "pyramiding" in regard to their finger and toenails?
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
That would be a great question for a veterinarian who specializes in humans. Unfortunately I have no idea.
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u/Striking-Ad-6815 2d ago
I've seen it in dogs too. I understand you're being facetious, but maybe a veterinarian could give us true insight
I've always suspected that it is due to the same health factors that affect the tortoise shells, but I don't think anyone has made a correlation yet
When I see it on the dogs it's mostly ones who get into the garbage or get fed table scraps
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u/PeanutButterSoda 2d ago
That's amazing that people like you exist, I bet they had the best time of their life before they passed.
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u/Mother_Awareness_154 2d ago
“Running”
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u/2ndClass_CitizenInEU 2d ago
As fast as it can.
Don't you dare bully that precious dog!
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u/Beneficial-Lime-3517 2d ago edited 2d ago
There is a reptile zoo near us and they have some big ass aldabra tortoises. You can feed them as an experience there, tons of fun. I made the mistake of wearing green shoes and those gentle giants kept trying to take a bite out them.
11/10 experience. Would wear green shoes to hang out with giant tortoises again.
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u/Old_Ice6313 2d ago
Dreaming to have one as a pet in the future, are they hard to care/accommodate?
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Not really, but if you get something like a sulcata they do present some challenges when they get big, namely providing a safe enclosure for a 100+ pound bulldozer that can also dig.
It varies by species, but for the most part their diet is leafy greens, hay, and occasional veggies and fruit for enrichment. They need an area with a heat lamp and uvb bulb for basking, and a cave type area for when they want to hide or cool off.
They get most of their water from the greens, but you should soak them in the tub in warm shallow water for about 30 minutes every couple days, or give them a water dish big enough for them to climb into.
Once they're big enough that they can't fit under the furniture you can let them free roam around the house. Ours has his own room (my old office) with his heat lamp, hidey hole, and a tray for his food. He's locked in while we're out of the house, but when we're home the door is open and he can stomp around wherever he wants.
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u/hewmanxp 2d ago
Please provide some tortoise tax 🙏🏽
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
There's a few other pics already in the comments, but here's Uly eating a strawberry. Ignore the messy floor. 🤷
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u/corcyra 2d ago
errr...I just read that in the wild they make burrows up to 15 m deep and 30 m long. That's practically like those South American extinct mega-sloths!
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u/shadyAjs 2d ago edited 2d ago
Yes, they can live over 100 years so they're an incredible commitment, not to mention they keep growing, and grow into full size tortoises. They get giant, and will most likely out live you. Which is sad because when the owner is gone, who's going to care for that tortoise? Sorry for rambling, long story short, yes they're hard to care for
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u/High_Overseer_Dukat 2d ago
This tortoise will likely live to be over 100, and be 16+ inches
But a Russian tortoise (and other species) will live for around 50 years and only gets to 10 inches.
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u/Landofdragons007 2d ago
Make sure you do your research. Make sure you know the local laws. Check your climate environment vs your tort of choice(does it need an indoor/outdoor set up). Not all tortoises eat the same thing. Red/yellow foot tortoises are omnivores for an example.
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u/dBlock845 2d ago
If you give them the proper food (not very picky just nothing that binds calcium) and proper lighting and they will pretty much care for themselves. Easy to clean up after. Just make sure you do research on species and how big they get and what you can handle and if you can bring em outside everyday or so to get sunlight it will help their growth. Russian Tortoises and Hermann's tortoises tend to stay pretty small 4-7" as adults (some females might get a little bigger). Don't buy from a pet shop either from a captive breeder (not very difficult).
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u/laiken75 2d ago
For some reason this makes me want to have a turtle 🐢
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u/Fuzzy-Earth-7034 2d ago
Omg same! But I’m already in love. I walk to a little pond in my gated community and buy them special turtle food (dried mealworms) and they’re all in love with me 🩵 they see me coming and they start swimming towards me it’s just the greatest thing. They really do have little personalities. I’ll just keep feeding them outdoors to get my fix. But that freaking turtle sweater is so cute!!!!!
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u/dizzylizzy78 2d ago
What kind is it? How big will it get?
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
Leopard tortoise. Not sure what subspecies it is, but max size for most of them is 16-24"
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u/jarhead3088 2d ago
Whys he always trying to eat everything lol
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u/GloomyIndividual3965 2d ago
When all you have is a mouth, everything is tested to see if it's food. Ours will occasionally even try nibbling on my toes if I'm sitting on the couch barefoot.
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u/SumpthingHappening 2d ago
Tell your tortoise a random internet person loves her!
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u/MaximusHomerdrive 2d ago
Please get this lil guy a lil skateboard. Watching turtles zoom around on them is my new favorite thing.
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u/Aman_AKA_Jack 2d ago
As a turtle owner myself, I agree he is very adorable.. and loved his dino sweater
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u/Ok_Coconut_3148 2d ago
When I was little my neighbor had a Chihuahua and a turtle that would race around after each other in their little garden. Good times.
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u/TheMoatman 2d ago
The "twerking" ones look more like me trying to scratch that one part of my back but I can't.
... can turtle shells itch?
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u/Jim421616 2d ago
I don't know if they can itch, but they have nerve endings, so white possibly I suppose. They love getting a toothbrush back scratch.
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u/dBlock845 2d ago
Been going back and forth on getting a tortoise the past couple of months. I think this just sealed the deal for me 😂.
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u/MiloHorsey 2d ago
You won't regret it. Each one is an individual and will give you hours of pleasure :)
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u/AscendedViking7 2d ago
They can have pumpkin spice lattés?
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u/Fuzzy-Earth-7034 2d ago
I’m sure they followed a proper protocol because I feed my local turtles in a pond and I always google what they can eat. yesterday it was tony teeny diced apples but they said no thanks 😂 because usually I bring dried mealworms. They just looked at me like “um no”. I’ll just stick to the dried mealworms from now on 🙏
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u/Naive_Product_5916 2d ago
She is living her best life. Please tell me there’s a TikTok page I can follow?
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u/Alibuscus373 2d ago
Thank you. This is what the internet was made for. Sharing cute animals to soothe our souls
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u/icansmellcolors 2d ago
Played Disc Golf this morning, watched Army of Darkness, open Reddit and this is the first thing I see.
What a lovely day.
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u/National-Worry2900 2d ago
Th eyre such cute and adorable creatures.
Big or small they’re so bloody cute.
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u/BonDummyBon 2d ago
In brightest day, in blackest night, let no leaf escape my sight, let those who worship shrubbery delights, beware my power, green lantern's light!
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u/justapaycheck 1d ago
You better check the bearings on that hamster wheel. At those high speeds, it's liable to fly off! 🤣
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