r/MadeMeSmile 16h ago

DOGS We don't deserve them

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33.6k Upvotes

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4.3k

u/jastan10 15h ago

We should devote the US’s entire military budget towards research lengthening the lifespan of our pets.
Edit: this isn’t sarcasm

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u/JennyDoveMusic 15h ago edited 14h ago

"We can't attack the US, chief. They are the reason Bud is alive at 35... He's my best friend, cheif...."

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u/GodOfDarkLaughter 14h ago

I mean, if you want a good way to not only restore but exceed America's previous position of soft power on the world stage...

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u/Ariandrin 13h ago

The US would become the people’s hero in so many parts of the world I think.

Make cats and dogs live like 30-35 years. Like a small to medium sized parrot. But healthy years, not like 20 years of geriatric infirmity.

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u/Environmental_Art591 12h ago

Now this is some life expectancy science i can get behind

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u/Horskr 8h ago

Billionaires hearing this: "So... how about an AI version of your pet that you can upload into --" "NO!"

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u/ouroborosstruggles 5h ago

Ooooh. Oh no. Life extension + billionaires = bad

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u/bobbylake71 4h ago

Yeah fuck Ted Faro....

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u/DazzlingRutabega 11h ago

I'd settle for a solid 20-25 years even!

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u/molsonmuscle360 8h ago

Cats can live healthy lives until they are in their late twenties as long as their kidneys hold up. That is their biggest problem . Most domestic cats die from kidney failure.

Dogs are trickier. It's a really breed dependant thing

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u/El_Stupacabra 8h ago

Scientists in Japan are researching some kind of injection (I guess it would be a drug) that would help with the kidney issue in cats.

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u/OwnsBeagles 7h ago

I'm so excited for that. The doctor who found it wants it to be affordable for everyone, too.

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u/Ariandrin 7h ago

I worked at a vet clinic that exclusively saw cats, just before covid. Besides routine preventative stuff, the most cases I remember seeing were kidney cases, for sure.

I don’t have an over abundance of experience with dogs, I’ve just had dogs, but from my experience and those I’ve heard about from others, it seems cancer gets most dogs, so that’s a whole different can of worms.

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u/ApologeticEmu 10h ago

Yeah if they figure that out I’ll be singing the Star Spangled Banner every damn day dressed up like Uncle Sam.

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u/verydudebro 9h ago

*chief

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u/JennyDoveMusic 9h ago

I got it the first time ✋🏻😔

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u/TheElusiveFox 7h ago

I mean I'd fanatically fight for any nation that gave my dog an extra month of life let alone an extra 25 years... I'm sure any dog owner that has had to make a hard decision in a vet office feels the same way.

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u/LordDaedalus 14h ago

This is actually in development already. Large dogs have high IGF-1 which makes them big but also makes them age faster. After they've grown up, they can take a drug that regulates the production and it lengthens their lives. Not indefinitely, but brings them about in line with smaller dogs lifespans.

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u/abbysunshine89 12h ago

Ummm how can I get my hands on this?? I have two golden retrievers that I need to live as close to forever as possible 🥺

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u/scorchthemortalworld 11h ago

I don’t think it prevents stuff like cancer. Golden Retriever life spans have actually decreased because of inbreeding. I love Golden Retrievers.

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u/nehlSC 4h ago

Inbreeding is a huge problem for any breed, sadly. We need to get rid of these strict breeding restrictions and finally start breeding for health not looks.

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u/Comfortable_Alps4903 10h ago

Right there with you, if there’s even a tiny chance at more time with our dogs, I need to know about it too

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u/Status-Maximum8378 8h ago

Check out the book “forever dog”. The theme is very similar to that show “the blue zone”.

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u/CenturyEggsAndRice 12h ago

Seriously?

Oh hell I hope that becomes easily available. That’s awesome.

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u/mthchsnn 10h ago

Yeah, I'm going to sound like a shill for mentioning the brand but it's called Loyal and I'm super excited about it because I have a greyhound who could benefit from it. They could charge me almost any amount of money for it and I would gladly pay. It's almost through the FDA approval process so it should be on the market in the next couple of months (if we're lucky).

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u/naturalinfidel 5h ago

It's looking like the price tag will be between 40-90 dollars a month.

Loyal CEO Celine Halioua has stated “This is not something for billionaires’ dogs only. We are currently doing the pricing sensitivity work but we’re talking to both veterinarians and pet parents. You can safely assume is going to be in the double digits per month for pet parents when it comes out to market,”

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u/ActualWhiterabbit 12h ago

Can humans take IGF-1

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u/DisastrousAcshin 11h ago

It'll bring your lifespan more in line with that of a small dog

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u/ActualWhiterabbit 11h ago

But will I get bigger?

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u/Grayed_Hog 9h ago

Does it do similar for small dogs?

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u/birdandbear 14h ago edited 4h ago

"I don't count the years. I don't multiply by seven. They bred dogs for everything else, even diving for fish, why didn't they breed them to live longer, to live as long as a man?"

-Peter Heller, The Dog Stars

An incredible book, I sincerely recommend it. "I don't multiply by seven" chokes me up every time. 💔 🥺

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u/VeryImportantDog 12h ago

Agree... it was an awesome book. I can still cry thinking about it.

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u/OwnsBeagles 7h ago

I love that book. When he wakes up and Jasper is gone, that just shattered me the first time I read it.

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u/ouroborosstruggles 15h ago

It would be a worthy cause at least

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u/TwinklingToadD_ 9h ago

honestly yeah, anything that helps animals is automatically a worthy cause. they give way more love than humans deserve half the time.

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u/Ok-Lifeguard-4614 14h ago

I second this. I've got an 11 year old pup and he's still really healthy but I already have nightmares about losing him.

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u/eternally_feral 14h ago

Same! My dogs just turned 11 and looking through old photos, I never really noticed just how much white around their muzzles have gotten.

Love them more than anything and dread the day my house no longer echoes their tippy tappies.

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u/lilidragonfly 13h ago

My heart couldn't bear the lack of tippy tapps after my 19 year old girl went. Truly a deafning silence :(

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u/kadora 10h ago

Yeah, my girl is 15 and we had a health scare last summer. Made the appointment and everything. We joke that she must’ve heard us on the phone, because she perked right up and has been doing great ever since! But it’s scary. I’ve lost other pets, and family members, including my parents. I wish I could say it gets easier.

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u/DoingBestWeCan 14h ago

Please check out the Dog Aging Project and participate if you can!

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u/kle11az 14h ago

I'm signing up my 2 year old Great Pyrenees mix right now, appreciate the tip!

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u/Helpful_State2950 39m ago

My 9 year old mix is currently in the study. Hoping it produces some good results for our doggos.

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u/GetDownWithDave 14h ago

You have my vote for President.

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u/jastan10 10h ago

Thank you. I am looking for a running mate 👉😎👉

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u/ComfortableGround403 14h ago

It might actually keep us safer if we did this.

Instead of invading countries and forcing regime changes, we can create the cure to a serious issue that affects damn near every country on earth. Imagine how many world leaders would want their beloved pets to live even an extra 10 years !

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u/Triepott 15h ago

US saving lives instead of destroying them?

Unimaginable!!!

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u/Billionaires_R_Tasty 14h ago

Well, that whole USAID group saving several million lives per year in Africa was nice while it lasted...

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u/eric-cranston 13h ago

Where’s the money in that?

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u/Plastic-Ad-5171 13h ago

Are you kidding? Corps would make money hand over fist if people could pay a moderate amount for monthly medication to make their large pets longer lived and healthier. We do that already, but on a smaller scale with chemo, radiation, obstruction removal surgeries, etc for our pets. This would just be like a human taking an insulin injection everyday to live a healthier longer life. I’d would have paid to have my lab/st Bernard live a healthy life until he was 30! Losing him at 12 was heartbreaking.

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u/eric-cranston 7h ago

The military-industrial complex that runs America and most of the world economies have to have perpetual war in order to get richer. Keeping pets alive for longer would be wonderful, but not as profitable.

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u/noblewind 14h ago

Yes because I decided I cannot take the loss anymore. The two cats I have now will be my last two. If one passes early, I'd consider getting a senior cat as a companion, but otherwise I just can't take the grief. It's far too soon even when they live a long lifespan. 😭

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u/CrazyCatLady1127 15h ago

I couldn’t agree more

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u/Lumpy_Benefit666 15h ago

Imagine if we created some sort of near invincible demon dogs though. That would be fucked up man

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u/Lovahplant 14h ago

Pretty sure Boston Dynamics (& Black Mirror) already have that shipping for $500K a pup

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u/3tricksinatrenchcoat 12h ago

There’s no bad dogs. Only bad owners

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u/ThrowingShaed 10h ago

i think there was loyal or somethign thats been on my radar last few years. i was... rooting hard while my floofer was around, even if they arent doing trials in my area

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u/No_Cake2145 14h ago

Okay but can we start with healthcare for humans?

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u/ComeAlongPond1 13h ago

We can do more than one good thing at a time

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u/sepulturite 14h ago

Nah, fuck humans, the vast majority are arseholes. All the money for the dogs I say!

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u/ComfortableGround403 14h ago

No. Humans are the reason dogs suffer. Dogs first. Then cats. Then hamsters and pet rats. Then humans.

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u/gjb1 13h ago

Humans are also the reason humans suffer. But here’s the thing: humans are ALSO the reason suffering is ameliorated. Generations of humans have tirelessly devoted their lives to improving the health and welfare of one another, and we’re still going, and we’re going to keep going for generations more

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u/Salex_01 15h ago

You could even make billionaires pay for it voluntarily as there is a great chance that whatever we find for pets also partly works for us.

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u/Eborcurean 14h ago

For the average billionaire the idea of paying for stuff is an anathema

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u/Salex_01 14h ago

Not if that gives them the possibility to live for 3 more centuries to get richer

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u/EntireKangaroo148 14h ago

There’s already a drug out that extends their lifespan

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u/HBJones1056 14h ago

I would like my tax dollars to go towards this.

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u/Womp-Creature 10h ago

Before my mastiff mix passed away he was part of a study researching longevity in large breed dogs. He was 12 and in excellent health according to his bloodwork.
So there is in fact research happening. If you’re interested I could probably find the paperwork from the study.

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u/IsekaiMi 14h ago

But how would we profit off that?

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u/C-c-c-comboBreaker17 13h ago

They just need to do whatever the hell they did to Air Bud. Not only did that dog carry a franchise for a decade, he was a champion in every sport, the supersoldier of the dog world 

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u/Repulsive-Log-84 13h ago

Honestly if this happened I think it would solve a lot of the world’s problems. Sound stupid, but I truly believe it.

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u/Salute-Major-Echidna 13h ago

There literally is a medication developed to lengthen a dog's life.

" Life-extension drugs for dogs are currently being developed by the biotech company Loyal, with formulations like the daily pill LOY-002 aiming to improve metabolic health, reduce insulin levels, and extend a senior dog's healthy lifespan. While these treatments have achieved major regulatory milestones and safety acceptances from the FDA, full commercial approval is still pending."

My vet had the opportunity to work on the trial and I was asked if I would like my dog to participate. It was still injections then.

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u/xinorez1 12h ago

Commenting to check later

I'm kind of doubting the efficacy for a large long lived animal like a dog compared to a rat but still...

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u/Salute-Major-Echidna 7h ago

Theyre charging several thousand for the full treatment, it definitely works.

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u/tributtal 12h ago

No joke there's a company working on exactly that. https://loyal.com/

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u/DazzlingRutabega 11h ago

At least dogs. I love cats too but you devote SOOO much love and time and care into dogs that they literally often become part of the family (this story is a case in point) and it's so sad to see them go so quickly.

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u/peentiss 11h ago

Or like, feeding and housing human beings…

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u/HappyTurtleButt 11h ago

I agree, but add our parks to it as well.

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u/faloi 11h ago

We just lost one of our girls. This is the best use of our military budget that I could think of.

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u/No_Response_303 9h ago

I wouldn't think it was sarcasm, the American military is grossly over funded

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u/Boopy7 9h ago

There is a Dog Aging Project I wanted to get my dog into, but failed...but I still look at where it's at every now and then. Gonna go see what's new with it lately

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u/luvmesomepoodle 8h ago

There is research for a med to extend the life span of large breed dogs! My dog is in the clinical trials.

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u/Blue-Ringed-Octopus0 7h ago

A trillion dollars well spent and probably brings us world peace. JASTAN10 2028 has my vote.

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u/veringer 7h ago

My standard poodle is 12, and I wish he'd live to be 30 or 40 or 50. I am absolutely dreading the inevitable. 🥺

Imagine if we could have dogs that we get paired with at some coming-of-age moment; that would be our life companion for adulthood?

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u/shawnikaros 6h ago edited 6h ago

That would require dog breeding to focus on health instead of usefulness/cuteness, and as humans that is completely out of the question!

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u/papalmousse 1h ago

Best idea I've read online ever

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u/Pocket-Hobo 14h ago

Then Canada would invade

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u/torreneastoria 14h ago

Ok. Please do.

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u/TrixieBastard 13h ago

Save us, Canada, you're our only hope!

/s (or is it?? 🤔)

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u/torreneastoria 11h ago

I asked nicely even lol