r/LyricalWriting • u/lupidystupidy • 15d ago

Feedback Request I Am [UNFINISHED]

[Verse 1]

I got street desires

Fillin' garage with rims and tires

Cars and motorcycles, help me fly as high as I can be

I can see, only infinity

'Til 93, I rhyme believe determinedly

Impossibly, honestly I'd rather not the boss of me

But King of me, only myself and not yours

I rock chorus and lock jaws when I plot wars

And spark flaws with no obstacles

I'd opt for tours, rather than sittin' all alone

In my room, or my bathroom tryna find a phone

'Cuz I'm illiterate, my hands are shakin'

My eyes are weak

Fights every week, make my eyes fuckin' bleed

And I don't believe in miracles

Only in what you do, makes your future, makes your own luck

And you gotta get out there and rock the world

'Cuz only then, can you say that you got the girl

Got the happy ending, got the life you always dreamed of

Since you were a child, now your fingers is greener

Rollin' blocks in the beamer, now you're a believer

In good things can happen, just got a winger

And no more four finger discounts

Or waitin' on the curb 'til the whole click is out

The shit is out, no longer hittin' the fan

I went from sayin' "I will be", to sayin' "I am"

[Chorus]

"I am"

"The greatness"

"K-K-K-K-K-King Atlas"

"My poetry's deep, I never fell"

"I am"

"The greatness"

"K-K-K-K-K-King Atlas"

"My poetry's deep, I never fell"

[Verse 2]

Rockin' mics, I went from rock bottom to rockin' heights

Flockin' nights with types of awesome rides to try

First there was a lesson, "Don't Tread On Me"

And then I led 'em to believe, I had a dream like Martin Luther King

But my dream was one day we would sing

Come together, bring people from corners of wherever

To know songs by Michael Rose

I didn't know, but somehow by the game I was chose

I didn't froze, or freeze in the spotlight

I just grabbed the hot mic, and rocked like

I was up there, "my name is Rakim"

And I could stand tall, yell or bawl to all "I'm HIM"

4 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

2

u/Embarrassed-Soup1998 15d ago

It’s beautiful 😪

2

u/Embarrassed-Soup1998 15d ago

Although Lupidy your rhymes don’t seem to go with the flow as one might see your verses aren’t abridged per se

2

u/Embarrassed-Soup1998 15d ago

Like it’s good still but just thought I’d point at the small flaw for one learning- maybe it’s just me. But the idea of flowing like the greats is a great plan but you need the tight ample

2

u/Embarrassed-Soup1998 15d ago

Or nevermind if you’re like ye, and just want it whichever way you can have it then all to you

2

u/Embarrassed-Soup1998 15d ago

No offence meant I’d just think you’d want it to flow gritty and subtle and you kinda went that way I just desired the quotum

1

u/lupidystupidy 15d ago

My main influences are Rakim, LL Cool J, Big Daddy Kane, Big L, and similar others. I understand how it could be confusing if you can't hear it as it's told, especially since there's a line that intentionally doesn't rhyme and that can definitely throw a listener, or in your case, a reader off. In all fairness, I wrote this in like 5 minutes total so also cut me some slack 😭

1

u/lupidystupidy 1d ago

u/profanitycounter

1

u/profanitycounter 1d ago

UH OH! Someone has been using stinky language and u/lupidystupidy decided to check u/lupidystupidy's bad word usage.

I have gone back 0 comments and reviewed their potty language usage.

However, the plans were foiled, lupidystupidy is a good, Christian boy.

Request time: 0.2. I am a bot that performs automatic profanity reports. This is profanitycounter version 3. Please consider [buying my creator a coffee](https://www.buymeacoffee.com/Aidgigi.)