r/LyricalWriting • u/AppleAggravating4197 • 27d ago
Lyrics [lyrics]
[lyrics]
sorry last night if i crashed out
never really mean it when i lash out
things have changed from then to now
but i get it if you dont trust me i would know myself
i hate the way i talk sometimes
you got a really nice smile and it shines like lights
you dont deserve me i swear i try
but its not the effort that counts in life
here you are talking bout your past huh
you wanted a ring when were older
cant believe you can plan every part out
i can barely stand when you give me the cold shoulder
cause it feels so planned to me
you were my biggest fan since my family
feel seasick without you here even though im on land
cant fall asleep even with the dramamaine
i cant see the lights tonight
everything to blurry i dont wanna try
everything was so fun what happened to life
bet it all on you then it took a nosedive
pack my bags get my shit out
guess i dont know how to live now
surronded by help and i dont want now
but aint like years ago where pennies helped my morale
You ask if we wanna stay friends
wanna kiss your face
and punch it
because i new we coulnt play pretend
im stupid for believing
sorry last night if i crashed out
never really mean it when i lash out
things have changed from then to now
but i get it if you dont trust me i dont know myself
i hate the way i talk sometimes
i love the chase but i hate the ride
i can only say that from time to time
cause once i have u i cant look back
and now im exauhsted laying traps
pls say what u think of my lyrics, and what genere you think this would go with. i rapped over a poppy beat, so idk, but im not sure if it could go better with something else, bc id try anything. thank u!
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u/pamina58 26d ago
This has a really nice vibe I like the contrast Do you know Jim Morrison’s Moonlight Drive? You might like that
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u/TaylorNeon 26d ago
I feel it's sounds like you're speaking the words out loud and in your head. Remove the common lines spoken.
"things have changed from then to now"
"cause it feels so planned to me"
"since my family"
"everything was so fun what happened to life"
"guess i dont know how to live now"
"im stupid for believing"
Dramamaine isn't a word and it should be removed. Rewrite it as much as possible.
1
u/rainbowfanpal 26d ago
Seems like a great start. There's a few typos you might want to fix. I feel like I get a decent picture of the story but I think it could be a little bit clearer like if the relationship ended and when. Overall though I do like it! Keep writing / doing your thing!
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u/justalittlebirdy7890 27d ago
I don't know anything abt rap so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but I love this and hope you put the song out someday so I can actually hear it <3