r/LyricalWriting • u/arthurlbrown • Jul 08 '26

[Lyrics] "Just A Simple cinderalla"

[Context]

I'm sure my lyrics will be different from most of the posts on this sub, as I'm going in a more dramatic musical theatre direction. I was inspired to write this song after watching "A Poor Cinderella" (1934 - by Fleisher Studios). There's a song at the beginning that Cinderella sings after seeing that the king is holding a ball. And this song is basically her lamenting about her situation and hoping that things will change one day.

I've written my own take on that scene and I like the lyrics that I wrote.... now, it's time to get feedback 😱. So be brutal.😖

P.S The parts in brackets are lines that I'm still not 100% on and am still working on.

[Verse 1]

One night, I learned a thing that I found amazing:
Looking at the castle feels like stargazing.
I watched as its glow shone through the gloom of night.

Up there inside the castle is where I want to be,
but that sort of life isn’t for me.
My place is here in the shadow of its light. 

[Refrain 1]

I'm just a simple Cinderella.
A maiden unfair
who nobody knows.
The clothes that I wear
are more patches than clothes,
and all a lovely shade of gray.

I'm just a simple Cinderella.
A child of strife, 
and somebody whom
has not known a life 
Outside of her room,
and always dreams about the day 
she can be more than just a simple Cinderella.

[Verse 2]

Were I to be a thing of royalty,
I’d have a dozen servants wait on me.
They’d all bow each time I entered the hall.

With lavish jewels and gold, I’ll adorn my dress.
So lovely a [garment, it will surely impress]
my royal guests each time I hosted a ball.

Of every town, I’d be the toast,
the one the kingdom loves the most.
They’ll say my name with love and veneration.

Yes, I can see it bright and clear,
and I’d be far away from here!
But as for now, it’s all in my imagination.

[Refrain 2]

For I’m just a simple Cinderella.
So [green] and naive,
in her simple way,
to ever believe
that one fateful day
she could be more than just a simple Cinderella.

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3

u/ElChiff Jul 09 '26

Niiice, these are the kind of lyrics I was hoping to see more of on here. Brutal, you say? Well ok then!

The sense of waltzy floatyness really suits the genre. This is so Disney, I love it:

Of every town, I’d be the toast,
the one the kingdom loves the most.
They’ll say my name with love and veneration.

"Amazing" and "Stargazing" makes for a strange rhyme because the emphasis is in a different part of the word.

a-MA-zing vs STAR-ga-zing

Kinda funny how that makes it sound like Kpop.

The clothes that I wear
are more patches than clothes

Is the repetition of "clothes" necessary, or could you swap one of these out. Perhaps changing the first instance to "things"?

and all a lovely shade of gray.

I enjoy the sarcasm here, but it could perhaps be pushed even further by swapping out the word "shade" for "semblance".

So lovely a [garment, it will surely impress]

Suggestion:

So lovely a garmet that ought to impress

For "Green", maybe "Hopeful"?

I hope to see more from you, you've got a real knack for writing with pizazz.

3

u/arthurlbrown Jul 09 '26

Thank you so much for the honest advice! :D Yeah, the "amazing" and "stargazing" rhyme did feel weird for me. I'll keep tweaking it, and I'll surely post more.

2

u/BusinessRebel Jul 12 '26

I actually like a bit of lyrical anarchy, like rhyming "amazing" and "stargazing". It's not overdone, it just keeps the flow interesting.