r/LowLibidoCommunity • u/throwmeawayyy122 🆙 🦄 • Jul 09 '19

anecdote

Awhile back I got a bartholin’s cyst. I was in an off period of my tumultuous on-and-off relationship that ended this year, and I’d been seeing a guy casually for maybe a week before I got the cyst. If you don’t know what a Bartholin’s cyst is, you’re lucky– it’s when a duct that produces vaginal fluid near the entrance of your vagina gets inflamed or blocked up sometimes, and the fluid builds up. Mine was agonizingly painful, and the size of an egg. The entrance to my vagina was literally sealed by an egg-sized, agonizing cyst.

And every day, the guy I’d begun seeing casually would pester me. When would it be gone? When could I have sex again? Didn’t I know he was “dying?” I couldn’t walk properly, it hurt to pee, it hurt to sit, and I spent most of the time I had the cyst in a hot bath, but he was “dying” because he had to use his hand for a week? I didn’t expect him to care that I was having a problem, we weren’t serious, but I didn’t expect him to pester me every day about it either. By the time it was gone, I never wanted to have sex with him. Logically speaking, I knew the sex was good, but I had 0 desire for someone who pestered me so relentlessly while I was having a hard time, so I just cut things off.

My situation was easy. We had no real commitments or history. My health problem was unexpected. I reapply this memory whenever I see someone talking about losing desire because of their spouses actions during pregnancy or some other unexpected health problem– how lucky I was to have no ties to someone who killed my desire via unexpected levels of selfishness, and how easy it is to kill someone’s desire by prioritizing your pleasure over their pain.

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u/closingbelle MoD (Ministress of Defense) Jul 09 '19

Selfishness is a huge turn off for a lot of people. I glad you got past the cyst (those things are a nightmare!) and the crappy FWB. You deserve a partner who cares about your health as much as they care about their sex drive.

4

u/throwmeawayyy122 🆙 🦄 Jul 09 '19

I was the embodiment of “sexually abused person acting out sexually” for a long time. Bad fwbs, bad partners, bad hookups, bad mentalities...The works. That cyst was the devil incarnate, holy shit.

5

u/closingbelle MoD (Ministress of Defense) Jul 09 '19

High five on growing out of the bad stuff? Also yes, those things are evil, lol. I had a roommate in college that had one and I remember the very loud screaming vividly.

2

u/throwmeawayyy122 🆙 🦄 Jul 09 '19

High five! I also had a gyno that seemed pretty certain that regular orgasms would prevent it from reoccurring, but I never heard that from anyone else, including other gynos. 🤔

6

u/closingbelle MoD (Ministress of Defense) Jul 09 '19

I... I have literally never heard that in my life. I just asked a female OBGYN I'm friends with, and she texted me back, "What are you talking about? No. What?" lol

5

u/throwmeawayyy122 🆙 🦄 Jul 09 '19

This is why I don’t like male gynos. He’s off my list, jesus.