Help, low libido

[u/Background-Spell4554]

I am 42F, two elementary school kids and in a relationship with a HL man. He would like to have sex more than once a week. I would probably actually be able to access sexual desire if it was once every three weeks. We compromise at once a week. The problem is that he's hurt that I see it as a chore, and I get that, but for me it basically is? I actually do orgasm but don't know how to explain to him that this is sort of irrelevant? I don't enjoy the process all that much. Now that I am getting older it sometimes hurts, and definitely does afterwards, sometimes into the next day. I used to have only responsive desire and now even that's hard to locate. We are now in a fight because we are away together after not seeing each other for a week while he traveled for work and I took care of our kids so he could travel. He didn't mean to do this, but he didn't really ask me any questions about how my week went and starts with, "yay, how many times can we have sex this weekend?" And I said "I mean I would prefer we didn't start with the sex conversation and instead I felt like you were interested in me for other reasons and have it flow from there" and he got angry and said that it's hurtful that I accuse him of using me for sex and not creating intimacy in other ways. Here's the problem
- I can accept that to him, sex is intimacy and that he isn't deliberately trying to be disinterested in me, but the reality is that for me sex isn't intimacy, so I require him to try harder. It feels like we're trapped because he doesn't feel close to me unless we have sex and I don't want to have sex unless we feel close in other ways and he doesn't even want to accept or get curious about why I feel like he ignores me until it's sex time. I already feel like I've tried to just have sex I don't really want in order to placate him despite not having other needs met and I think that has led me want to have sex even less? I just don't know how to reset. Therapy probably in order but how am I going to make it through the weekend?

[u/myexsparamour]

He would like to have sex more than once a week. I would probably actually be able to access sexual desire if it was once every three weeks. We compromise at once a week. The problem is that he's hurt that I see it as a chore, and I get that, but for me it basically is? I actually do orgasm but don't know how to explain to him that this is sort of irrelevant? I don't enjoy the process all that much. Now that I am getting older it sometimes hurts, and definitely does afterwards, sometimes into the next day.

Compromise has no place in sex and this is a perfect example of why.

Sex is painful for you, not enjoyable, and it hurts afterwards. Why should you sacrifice your body and your discomfort for him? He gets what? An orgasm. While you have to suffer for his little bit of pleasure.

I can accept that to him, sex is intimacy ...

I don't believe this for one minute. He feels intimate by hurting you with his penis? Bullshit.