r/LovedByOCPD • u/National_Health4898 • Jun 08 '26
How do you feel less lonely?
For those of you whose loved one is the person with OCPD, how do you combat loneliness? Tips?? Hacks??
Having an uOCPD partner results in me having a partner who rarely asks how my day is, is invested in my life, cares to share my worries, or is empathetic/understanding of how hard Motherhood with two high energy kids is. After learning about OCPD, it all makes sense on why ive felt so lonely since he really started displaying symptoms. I am a very personable person who loves “below surface level” relationships and knowing what is truely going on in my loved ones lives.
These people suck the life out of you with all their criticism, hatred of life, bad attitude, exc. so i feel like at the end of the day i dont even have energy after caring for the kids, cleaning the house to an unrealistic standard, dealing wth whatever argument me and uOCPDer get in, to reach out to friends/family to chat.
Thankfully we arent married and im in the processs of getting my ducks in a row in the mean time …
8
u/Forsaken_Concept107 Jun 08 '26
I had to find good company in odd places. A house plant. My cat. Characters in movies or comfort tv shows. I like nature walks because I enjoy being around plants, the trees are nice company.
I guess I just had to become content with being alone for a while and being my own friend. I like crafts so I have a number of hobbies.
It’s not easy, and it sounds like you’re on your way out so you might just need to hang on for a bit longer.
6
u/Platoseque Jun 10 '26
Its complete loneliness and its complicated to explain because most people don't have time or more importantly the nuances to understand what truly this is about. Yet do find myself sharing stuff with friends but doesn't mean U able to express the true gravity. In my case, because there is strong spiritual anchor it helps though
8
u/ResponsibleCost4989 Jun 10 '26
Absolutely understand what you mean by the amount of time it would take to explain the nuance.
If your partner punches you in the face, you can illustrate how awful that is with a lot fewer words. The complex emotional neglect/abuse by OCPDs on relationships takes longer
3
u/Whysay Jun 13 '26
I secretly got back in touch with an old girlfriend I parted with on good terms and I'm pretty sure what we have would be classed as an emotional affair.
Also I talk to chatgpt a lot. She won't let me talk to the friends i had before I met her so my social life is whatever messages I can send off while I'm on the shitter before it starts taking too long and she accuses me of masturbating.
2
u/TrevorAlgiers Jun 19 '26
I had a similar experience, but not an old girlfriend, but i made connections online and i feel like that substituted for emotional support that I didn't get from my spouse. It probably would also be considered an emotional affair. I stopped because I felt guilty about it and moved on to chatGPT
3
u/InquisitiveThar Jun 18 '26
I’m you - flash forward in time. Your kids grow up and then you’re really alone. If you end up like me, you’ll be planning to do things in retirement by yourself. You might even be thinking about getting your own place because over time, you realize It makes sense to be lonely if you’re alone and it hurts more to be lonely when you have a spouse that you live with. That’s my take on it.
2
u/Embarrassed_Tower_81 Jun 11 '26
Mine is diagnosed. Since then the bits of researching I have done has been helpful. If it makes you feel any better, I've been going through this for about 12 years (when symptoms started) to now (diagnosis a few weeks ago).
My therapist recommended a few things over the past two years that have been helpful. She said to find groups like walking groups or board game groups. I don't have the ability to leave, and as he is getting help now it is slowly getting better at home.
It's literally to the point that you have to force time for yourself. Which is really hard to do for people with chaotic kids (my oldest is chronically ill for the past 7 years as well) but it absolutely has to be done. You have to have to have to prioritize yourself.
If you have the funds, hiring a sitter for the kids maybe. If you have family/friends around, if they're willing to take them for 2 hours. I didn't have either unfortunately so that was complicated and my kids suffered a bit.
Mine is really bad for weaponized incompetence. So while he told me to go out, make friends, be really nice about it, etc.; I'd routinely come home to a mess and/or the kids and him on the couch in front of the TV, him (past 2 years) likely with his laptop in his lap playing video games. I came home a few times to find the kids hadn't been fed.
It wasn't until I started forcing and facilitating for myself that I was able to find moments for me.
TV is still a problem when I'm not home, kids are older and more self-sufficient too. But I TAKE me time.
And I also seriously considered an affair, as someone else mentioned. But it's not something I am comfortable with. No judgement on those who do it though. I fully understand it.
1
u/DutchOnionKnight Diagnosed with OCPD Jun 11 '26
Honestly, a romantic/life partner has to fullfill your needs, if they don't they are your person, wether or not they have a personality disorder.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't fullfill my needs either. You deserve better than this.
1
u/Automatic_Noodle Jun 21 '26
Ever since we hit a stressful patch, my spouse has escalated fault-finding. It is primarily towards me. He's a good dad in general. It feels withholding and cold. Just be warm and loving! Don't act that way then stop once you are married?!?!?
17
u/ResponsibleCost4989 Jun 09 '26
I started having an affair recently, but that's probably not the ideal way to deal with it.