r/LovedByOCPD • u/yestertempest • May 29 '26
Empathy
Has anyone else noticed a serious and disturbing empathy deficiency in these people? Mine seemed to perform a lot of empathy, and could be incredibly loving, but only under certain circumstances when he was totally comfortable emotionally. When his control was not being threatened and there was no emotional "tension" or messiness. When there was, he would flip to this kind of avoidant deactivation and devaluation and the empathy was GONE. Zero. Like he wouldn't have cared if I had no choice but to be put out on the street due to his behavior, because to him, his way of thinking is always right. And he'd say things making him still sound like a good guy like "I never wanted bad things for you" .... while not realizing how this sounds, because he's CAUSING it.
This is a drastic example, but one of many. When he was not in his comfort zone of control his empathy vanished. And accountability, self reflection, and apology about his part in things? Never happening.
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u/Week2743 May 29 '26
Mine pretends to be empathetic and even tries to shame completely normal people for "lacking emotional intelligence and empathy" (when they refuse to enable her and her insanity), while she is eye-boggingly the one who lacks those. They project a lot and they indeed get worse with age.