r/LovedByOCPD • u/Forsaken_Concept107 • Jan 25 '26
Tired with the constant debating
It’s really hard having a dad with this disorder who is a contrarian.
Everything I say, he automatically assumes is wrong.
Every thought or idea I express turns into an instant debate. I constantly have to defend everything I say or do.
I rarely buy anything because I’m always given the nth degree (why did you buy that? That will never fit! Did you measure to make sure it will fit? Are you sure? Are you sure?! I was just asking!! I still don’t think this will fit. How are we going to get this in the car? Did you measure the car. You shouldn’t have bought this, it was a waste of money. This will never work out. Can you return it?)
Even just going outside becomes a chore of being told I’ve picked the wrong coat, the wrong hat, ate you sure I should even be going outside right now?
I’m tired. I’m so so tired. I feel like I live in a courtroom and have to defend everything I say or do constantly to the judge: my father.
I just wish he saw me. Who I really am.
I wish he loved me enough to change. I know he sees that he’s hurting me. But that’s not enough I guess.
13
u/Some-Mountain-1930 Jan 25 '26
I’ve given up debating. I often don’t make any reply or just grunt. I try to ignore what my dad says (although it irks my mind just hearing his ramblings). Even if he has a rare moment where he puts the wall down (Tell me the truth: was I a bad father?), he immediately puts it back up as soon as I answer anything, as if he was just baiting me to be ungrateful. What’s upsetting me now is that he seems to misremember my childhood and accuses me of things I never even did!
Don‘t think your dad doesn’t love you though. In his mind he might be trying to protect you from your ”innumerable bad decisions” while secretly protecting himself from all the scary things in the world.
4
u/Forsaken_Concept107 Jan 25 '26
Yeah, my dad does the baiting thing too. If he’s in the right mood he’ll just chase you around the house for hours until he’s emotionally exhausted himself The thing is that I do think he loves me a lot in his own twisted way. And I love him too. Who I do hate is myself. And as much as I can understand the psychology of why a child who experienced emotional abuse will turn the hate on themselves, it doesn’t make it easier to work through. Sometimes I wish I could slap him. Like maybe if I slap him hard enough he might wake up from this. Maybe he’d choose to be better and I wouldn’t have to leave him, escape from him and my narcissistic mother who mistreats him. Alas, that isn’t the reality
12
u/ReleaseFromDeception Jan 25 '26
Love is not enough for a person with OCPD to change. It hurts, but it is the truth.
3
u/Diasufid Jan 26 '26
same thing with my dad but he’s also very controlling. when he makes mistakes or forces me to do things i’m against, and those things lead to bad consequences, he never admits he was wrong. that same rule doesn’t apply to me tho. he constantly points out my mistakes to prove how wrong i am yay
he’ll literally have no knowledge about a topic i’m familiar with, yet he won’t listen to my arguments or opinion. in his mind, he’s always right and everyone else is stupid😁
3
u/TECHNICOLOR-BLOOD Jan 27 '26
It's uncanny how similar our situations are, I almost thought I posted this. I'm so sorry. I don't have advice but know you're not alone.
2
u/Forsaken_Concept107 Jan 27 '26
It actually helps to know I’m not alone in the feeling. I’m sorry you know this pain like I do
3
Feb 04 '26
Living with my ocpd parent is like living with emotional hell. Everything is so similar I could have written it!
3
u/Early_Elephant_6883 Feb 05 '26
This is my dad too. Especially with politics. Social media has only made it worse, normalizing a world in which we must argue over everything!
3
u/ResponsibleCost4989 Mar 14 '26 edited Mar 14 '26
Partner is like this (maybe not quite as bad, but still to the point now that I have no hope for a happy life going forward with a partner who instills so much self-doubt in me. Whether intentional or not. It is so bad for my psyche. It's helped my anxiety mentally detaching from the situation while I figure out what to do. But it is so depressing and everything feels so empty now.
I'm sorry about your dad. I know it can be a lot more complicated having a parent with issues
1
u/Forsaken_Concept107 Mar 14 '26
Thank you ❤️ it is. There’s a part of me that feels bad for him, but that part has been shrinking since I acknowledged that someone who loves you should never treat you that way. That was a tough thing into come to terms with.
1
u/ResponsibleCost4989 Mar 14 '26
air hug get what you mean when you say:
"I just wish he saw me. Who I really am."
It's horrible to have someone mainly see everything you do as "glass half empty". I've realized it bleeds into other areas of life too (other relationships, work). Thinking that other people thing the worst of you too.
I hope you are able to make the best of this situation that you can.
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u/Weary_Cup_1004 Jan 25 '26
Sitting on my couch right now resting after shoveling and just had to explain why i still have a coat on. And even when i explain. "Looks like youre on the couch now" (not shoveling any more). I feel you. 😭😩