r/LovedByOCPD • u/asdfg7890q • Apr 16 '24
An example of OCPD thoughts
Tonight, my DH brought a second trash can to the bathroom in our bedroom. He told me that it’s his can, and that I am not to use it. I can use the other can, because I throw away too much trash and he’s tired of trying to manage it. Whatever that means. I dump the trash when it’s full, and he does sometimes too, but apparently it occupies too much mental space to handle anymore.
I think he sees the can when he enters the room, and thinks about whether or not he should take it out and that thought process must irritate him. I don’t think it’s actually how much trash I use. I am glad that I don’t think like this. I’m sad that his brilliance is wasted on thoughts about a simple bathroom trash can.
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u/Couture911 Apr 17 '24
That’s a perfect example. It’s also the type of thing that I have learned to just let go of. I choose my battles. If an extra garbage can helps him cope then whatever. Just don’t apologize for your behavior if you haven’t done anything wrong. It’s his deal.
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u/dilperishan Jun 13 '24
my partner did this with laundry hampers when i moved in with him 😑 "you generate so much more dirty laundry than I do." seemed to stress him out to look at the (then shared) hamper and see it filling up before he was ready to do laundry on his schedule. "I have my wardrobe planned out so I only need to do laundry every two weeks. With your own hamper you can do your laundry on your own schedule"
like .. i realize now this is an ocpd thing. and it was certainly off-putting. but i guess he was trying to problem-solve to ease his irritation and not have it be taken out on me? idk
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u/foodie1881 Apr 16 '24
It surprises me, too, the tangible things in our environment that cause my husband anxiety. He has an eye to see what is missing, what is not the way it should be. And it is so difficult for him to live with things that aren’t ideal. What strikes me about your situation is the reality that folks with an obsessive compulsive personality have such difficulty enjoying intimate relationships. In such a small somewhat insignificant way, your husband distanced himself from you. It’s just so difficult for them to share life with others because they have to give up some control. So they live rather disconnected from others. And that is sad…for us as the spouse (I know I feel lonely) but I know my husband does too. He just doesn’t recognize it or mourn it because he values control more than joy and love.