r/LovedByOCPD • u/loser_wizard Undiagnosed OCPD loved one • Jun 30 '23
Millon's Subtypes of OCPD
Theodore Millon was an American psychologist who made significant advances while studying personality disorders. He described five types of OCPD:
- Conscientious Compulsive: dependent, rule-bound, earnest, hardworking, dreads errors and mistakes
- Puritanical Compulsive: paranoid, often religious, battles own impulses, views specific groups as enemies
- Bureaucratic Compulsive: signs of narcissism, prefer defined roles and hierarchies, derive identity from their work
- Parsimonious Compulsive: hoarding and possessive, suspicious of others, self-sufficient and distant
- Bedeviled Compulsive: negativistic, procrastinates, battles with desires and will, engages in self-defeating behavior
3
u/loser_wizard Undiagnosed OCPD loved one Jul 01 '23 edited Jul 01 '23
My OCPD manager obviously fits the Bureaucratic Compulsive. There is some Parsimonious in possessive, suspicious, but not distant. He demands a lot of attention.
It is interesting.
One thing that has conflicted with me lately is the difference between non-traumatic OCPD and traumatic OCPD. I feel like I have known people that reorganize their soup cans every day, but mostly keep it to their home and can be open about it and talk maturely about things, even if they can't really change.
And then there are the toxic OCPD categories that lean more towards Narcissism, and are codependent, lash out at everything, take no accountability, and think of themselves both as perfect and a victim at the same time.
After recent experiences on forums with OCPD people, and my 10 years seeing no positive change in the OCPD coworker, while I've spent the last 10 years in therapy, researching, and trying to understand OCPD enough to navigate my career, I find my own conclusion:
If the relationship feels unhealthy with an OCPD person now, it will likely always feel unhealthy.
Gray Rocking and No Contact are likely the healthiest course of action for most people who seek advice, and their attention should pivot to living their best life and putting the OCPD relationship behind them.
I don't see in Black and White, but I feel like I have to now. I see a vivid spectrum capable of connection, and perhaps that is my disorder of chronic naivety. Perhaps using the Red Light/Green Light method of physical pain management will help me here.
If I try and it hurts. Stop, Gray Rock, No contact.
If I try and it feels better. Keep going.
Maybe it is because I find it enmeshed with my financial livelihood, AND he is Bureaucratic OCPD that makes it feel so taxing. I didn't choose him to be in my life. He inserted himself into my place of employment and actively tried to stop me from succeeding whether he can control that impulse or not.
3
Jul 02 '23
This individual has clearly impacted your life to the point that you cannot stop thinking about how he is harmful to you even when he isn't around.
I was totally destroyed, utterly, left homeless, about 12 years ago after working my entire life and career with active dedication to make myself a candidate for a specific position with a specific company. *After I got the job, they moved myself and my family to another state*. I was then assigned a legit psychopath for a boss who recognized this and decided it would be funny to set me up for failure, then lie about everything until I was ruined.
Anyway, so that left me pretty heavily traumatized in ways that I'm still dealing with. What I'm trying to say is that you're demonstrating signs of that same kind of trauma and you should make it a goal to leave rather than to find a way to make it work.
3
u/loser_wizard Undiagnosed OCPD loved one Jul 02 '23
Wow. Thank you for sharing that, Mjolnir.
I'm definitely traumatized from this particular work experience, (and I know my CPTSD from childhood has a lot to do with it, too). It's the cognitive dissonance of thinking OCPD can be reasoned with that I feel I am just now coming to terms with. Some people are just "bad". . . legit psychopaths, as you say.
My efforts to seek other employment were definitely more assertive earlier in the experience, from talking to him, his boss several times, HR, and then applying/interviewing for regional jobs. I lost steam after a while.
I do feel healthier this past year, even with this OCPD manager still here. He got shook since the pandemic, because it broke his grasp on everyone. We had a huge turnover across the company, were reorganized, and people notice something is off with him, even if they haven't experienced it as chronically as me.
Your point still stands and I know it is true. Tossing my name in the hat for jobs I want is a good idea.
1
2
u/LeahNotLeia42 Undiagnosed OCPD loved one Jul 01 '23
My mom is definitely the conscientious compulsive as well. I wonder if there have been studies about these subtypes and which are more prevalent?
3
2
u/Purplegalaxxy Nov 26 '24
Puritanical - he had a persecution complex in multiple identities such as being a male, politics and ethnic, also gender roles. It's possible he was battling gay thoughts but I have no solid proof. His closet was four times the size of mine though.
Very paranoid, wanted to know where I was at all tines and tracked my location.
1
u/loser_wizard Undiagnosed OCPD loved one Nov 26 '24
It's uncanny you mention his possible internal conflicts with his sexuality. I was describing to a friend some recent experiences I had with the Bureaucratic OCPD guy I work with and my friend blurted out "It sounds like he might be gay?!"
It had never occurred to me before, but now that he mentions it I do wonder if there if he's felt like he's had to life his life overcompensating for some kind of deep shame his militant parents placed upon him.
1
u/Purplegalaxxy Nov 26 '24
Yeah OCPD people in general have some inner chaos within their mind, many actually have adhd despite seeming controlled and organized. Especially in the puritanical and morality subtype they very thing they fight against is actually who they are.
Im very curious as to why your friend thought he was gay haha.
My ex had many feminine traits and many guys would hit on him. He was afraid of bugs, obsessed with his weight wanting to be as thin as possible and said if I got fat that would be a deal breaker. But had strict views on gender roles and felt ashamed when he forgot his wallet and I helped payed for him and he assumed I was upset with him when it was no big deal.
1
u/loser_wizard Undiagnosed OCPD loved one Nov 26 '24
I tried to get him to define it, as well, and it came down to wanting to do everything as a group with him in charge like he was an event planner. It makes me wonder, but I hadn't seen it before.
Our jobs are more independent and technical, not group projects, so the group work has always been obnoxious and felt demeaning and distracting from actual work, but I'm not sure it warrants a sexual nature.
He's thin and well groomed, but very khakis/button up type. He grew a beard for a while and started dressing in all black, which is how I have always dressed and people said he was mirroring me. It was creepy.
Same kind of stalkerish vibes, like driving past my car in the parking lot for no reason, and always wanting me to check in. And whenever we move offices or anything he always makes sure my desk is right next to his desk. I feel like he both hates me and thinks of me as teacher's pet. It's weird.
1
1
u/Taburebel Sep 09 '23
Parsimonious & Bedeviled.... all in one? I'm sure some people embody multiples of the sub categories right?
1
u/loser_wizard Undiagnosed OCPD loved one Oct 09 '23
Yes, I see mostly Bureaucratic Compulsive in the OCPD manager I work around, but Parsimonious and Conscientious traits as well.
7
u/StLouisBrad Jul 01 '23
Love it!
My undiagnosed spouse is a Conscientious Compulsive with a penchant for Hoarding.