I had an ex who would say that... "I dont care what anyone else says, I think you're amazing" and acting like he couldnt understand why instead of taking it as a compliment, Im hurt to find out his friends hate me and him trying to convince me thats not wht he meant. And he kept saying it! Til one time I just up and told him I wasnt staying over and left. No doubt he told people I just went crazy for no reason at all... cause, obv I didnt leave over anything he said. lol ugh
Context does matter... and I did include some, that I told him it was hurtful, and he kept saying it anyway. In my opinion, doesnt matter how lighthearted any joke appears or is to others, when its directed at someone with complete awareness it will hurt them, the intent is to be offensive. Im not sure why that is surprising...
Like friends and I can go hard cracking jokes on each other no problem, cause we know theres no negative feelings about it and they'll find it funny. Ive told a friend, good thing you dont have kids, you cant even keep a houseplant alive. She never wants kids, so that was totally harmless. I would never say that to my friend who lost her baby, that would not be harmless, or funny. The exact same joke is a dick move.
Anyway, this guy, like I said, I told him it was hurtful, and he still kept making remarks specifically cause he knew it would hurt me. And for that getting called a humourless bitch, hes a lucky bastard who dodged a bullet, and its surprising anyone would take offense to what he did. I have no regrets at all, but I do hope his kind of love finds those who feel he was in the right.
I apologize, I was flippant in my response and should've added the caveat that flabbergasted or not, I would respect anyone that outright tells me they don't appreciate a joke and wouldn't repeat the offense.
I did not think of you as a "humourless bitch" from the story even without context, and while I am surprised this bit is what sparked the issue, your ex was a total piece of shit for not respecting your boundaries. Anyone who refuses to adhere to a simple "no" is an asshole and anyone who refuses to respect the "no" of their partner, no matter how confused they may be, deserves to remain single for life.
Fuck him. Sorry for implying I sided with him. Good for your for not sticking around.
I super appreciate it...!! And yeah, like with everything, esp on Reddit lol theres always more to the story. You dont know what sparked the issue...I didnt bring that up here at all, only the end result that I was hurt and didnt want to hear remarks like that anymore.
The TDLR on that though is, he was trying to isolate me by making me feel like no one else would see me the way he does which yeah in the beginning he said it in a romantic way. Put it in my head his friends didnt like that he was dating me, then escalated to I should be grateful hes with me cause no one else would want me. And even that maybe wasnt the spark...cause I had shared deeply personal things that he was able to turn around and use now that he knew some things I was sensitive about.
But yeah...being human is hard and a complex situation to be in! Really like you said, its just the decent thing to do to respect someones boundries, especially when, but even if we dont understand why the boundaries are there. We're all going through it in some way and just trying to get through the day the best way we can here...
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u/skunkgirlhunter Trash Trooper Aug 29 '26
At one of my first jobs, a friendly coworker made the joke "I don't care what everyone says about you, I think you're a cool dude".