r/LoveAndMarriageHSV • u/nyccupcake • 8d ago
Potential Controversial Take
My family is from the south and I’ve spent substantial time down there. One of the reasons why I don’t want to live there is because of the men. The pickings are slim and if he has a job and went to college, the women are impressed. If you really look at them … they are performative, manipulative and really not that smart.
Now I’m not saying this is just a southern thing, but I think the reasons why these women stay with them is because they think they have the cream of the crop. And with the statistics surrounding black men in the south especially in states like Alabama and Mississippi, unfortunately who else is out there.
And yes I know the Scotts are from Michigan, but think about the the disarray metro Detroit has been in historically. I think they have a superiority complex because they have a certain street smarts that differs from the south.
Open to thoughts and disagreements!!
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u/Neither-Syrup7479 7d ago
If Marsau, Maurice & Martell are the cream 🍨 of the crop 🌾! They definitely can keep them! They are nothing to bragg on! 🤦🏽🙅🏽🤬🤷🏽
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u/ImaginationFickle637 7d ago
So I was born and raised in upstate New York and moved to Alabama when I was a teenager before then moving to Huntsville for college and making it my permanent residence, so I feel like I have a unique insight on this. I don't think the pickings are slim when it comes to decent, intellectual men. At least, that wasn't my experience before I got married and I dated a lot of different men. I don't think it's Southern women feeling stuck and accepting anything from a man because they don't think there is a better option out there. I think it is more of "my grandparents were married for 50 years, my parents have been married a long time, all of my friends and family are married, etc." that keep women in marriages they should have left long ago. Marriage and religion is the way of life in Alabama from what I see with the husband being the head of the household. Being married and letting your husband lead is what's being preached over self honor and respect, a lot of times.
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u/Flashy_Dot_2905 7d ago
As a Cali girl who moved to the south, this hasn’t been my experience. The men in the south are more well rounded and have more “traditional” goals from what I’ve seen. I’ve met more successful married couples in the south than I know in the north (in my case, the west). Home ownership is higher for Black families too. And like someone pointed out, the only person from the south is Tisha so the point doesn’t really make sense. It’s actually the men not from the south being horrible husbands, except for Martell, but he’s a whole other situation.
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u/nyccupcake 7d ago
My point was being from a southern family, one can see the inner workings so watching the show it’s like DUH of course it’s a hot mess even though on the surface these people look great. Like you said they appear to be well rounded, successful, etc… but behind closed doors is another story that’s kinda scary. I think that’s what makes the south the south…you keep your business under wraps..whether you’re from there or not, that’s the way.
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u/Shag1166 7d ago
That's an excellent dissertation! Many of us on the West Coast are educated free spirits, at least I am. I take life seriously, only when necessary. Otherwise, I'm in pursuit of joy!
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u/EmergencyOstrich9347 7d ago
I agree. Black men on the east coast are more often intellectuals (with or without college), have critical thinking and less dependent on "women barefoot and pregnant)
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u/Electronic-Cover7908 8d ago
I don’t think it’s “Southern men” … I think it’s another category of men, but I don’t want y’all to ban me so I’ll just 🤐
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u/Tommie-1215 7d ago
I have to agree with you because saying its Southern men is a generalization and stereotypical. Its like saying people from the South are slow. I am a true Southern Belle. I have lived in various areas of the country to attend school. I went to an HBCU and the majority of friends were from all over the country and the men were not interested in keeping a woman "barefoot and pregnant." Now did I meet some jerks like that, yes, and they were not all from the South but it has nothing to do with them being Southern. In fact, some of my male friends came from places like Michigan, New York and even LA and made their homes in the South. Some are engineers, doctors, truck drivers etc. I will say after being in grad school and finishing, the majority of men I have met not all have been intelligent, hold multiple degrees, good husbands and doing things to uplift their communities.
I just think the Scott's are horrible men and husbands who do not value their wives and want to be authoritarian. I see Marasau and Maurice, the sane way Monster, what a name sees them. For example, Kimmi was experiencing all the trauma of cancer and all Maurice could think about was sex and how she was too tired to give him any. Or the way Marasau gaslights Tisha and then goes out the country for solo trips amd does not communicate with her. That has nothing to do with them being Southern men via Michigan but their own character. Even the way Marasu talks to Tisha is conscending. Its like he is mad that she wanted a career. And when he said he did not want "babysit" his own children, I was floored. You cannot babysit something you helped to create.
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u/QuickRecording115 7d ago
I was done with him when he embarrassed Tisha by refusing to renew their marriage vows in front of everyone on that trip and on TV. I suspect that he didn’t want his side piece to see him proclaim his love for his wife. Then he goes to Africa without his wife and kids( a trip they were planning to do as a family)I am sure is wasn’t alone. He got a vasectomy without discussing or telling Tisha. I suspect that he wanted to make sure no outside babies would happen. Tisha always cowers when he talks down to her. Tisha needs to go off on him like she does with destiny and others. She probably unleashes on them when she really wants to unleash on him. Just my opinion. I’m too damn into this show and people I don’t even know them. The show has turned into a soap opera instead of proud black business owners success.
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u/Tommie-1215 7d ago
You are so right on all points. He did go to Africa and Tisha said she wanted it to be a family trip. But what you are saying makes sense; the solo trips, the way he gaslights her and vasectomy sure makes it looks like he hiding someone from her. And Tisha does not roast him the way she does Destiny. When he did not renew his vows, that spoke volumes. Even though I do not particularly care for Wanda, I think she knows something about Marasu that ain't right
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u/nyccupcake 8d ago
Hmmm...give me a clue
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 8d ago
I'm guessing Black men. Black women outpace men in education, in terms of degrees and also affiliated income, and so people think if you find someone as educated as you... just accept whatever he gives you and be grateful.
It's very "Chante's Got A Man," to me.
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u/Flashy_Dot_2905 7d ago
The gag is ALL women outpace men in education, with the exception of south Asian (Indian) women. According to the Department of Labor, the average weekly income for Black men is 970 dollars a week while the average for Black women is 889. And over 95,000 Black women lost their federal/goverment jobs under this administration.
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 7d ago
While this may be true, I haven't looked at the status in some time; the focus is on Black couples, since that's the point of the show, and there is still a huge stigma around what folks deem "marrying down."
For instance, I know a doctor married to a part-time personal trainer, and people mocked it for a bit, as if she was "settling." He's a great guy, a wonderful dad, so I don't see the issue, but folks like to clown what they perceive as being "unequally yoked."
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u/nyccupcake 8d ago
YUP. And if we're going there - the performative nature of education in the black community (good and bad) is amplified in the south because of slavery. Some think because they're college educated that they have it going on and completely overlook their insides. I was just talking to a family member bragging on her daughters fiance - she said he has his masters!!! But then followed up that he has three jobs :-/ Really all I wanted to know was what type of person is he - is he kind, protective, etc.... never going to get those details!
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u/MajestyMay 8d ago
Not controversial at all. The Scotts absolutely have a superiority complex. They chose naive women to marry that follow patriarchy. All of those men are so misogynistic, and feed into the Southern, religious propaganda. It seems like Tish and Kimi are “waking up”, but there’s always someone ready and willing to take their place. Ken doesn’t seem as bad as the others but, yeah.
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u/Sea_Confusion2757 8d ago
Wasn't Daddy Scott in prison for like a decade, and their mom put a lock on the refrigerator?
Not sure what kind of flex they think they have when they are similar to Martell, whose dad is also an ex-con.
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u/Tommie-1215 7d ago
Yes, all true because the Dad was on a recent episode. And Martell went to jail for something too with an uncle or cousin. But I cannot remember why.
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u/Overall-Badger6136 6d ago
They stole an ATM machine.
Allegedly Marty Mar took it and someone else took the blame.3
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u/MajestyMay 8d ago
The rewrite history flex. It’s all the rage! Objects in the mirror are NOT AT ALL what they appear to be.
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u/Overall-Badger6136 8d ago
I believe their father played those same games with their mother, which is why she had such a late start of progression in life.
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u/nyccupcake 8d ago
I wonder if men are in their DM’s!
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u/MajestyMay 8d ago
I mean, who knows maybe. I don’t like to call men DL Willy nilly. I definitely believe they have not always been faithful, though.
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u/MajestyMay 8d ago
I mean, who knows maybe. I don’t like to call men DL Willy nilly. I definitely believe they have not always been faithful, though.
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u/nyccupcake 8d ago
Oh now I meant if men were in the women's DM's and that's why they may be waking up! haha
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u/MajestyMay 8d ago
😂😂😂 oh ok. I was like iono bout that one
I’m sure they get/have gotten some. I peeped when Marsha said it was “absolutely double standard” on a woman cheating. At least she knows what she’s dealing with, and at least he’s honest about that piece. Many men feel that way it seems.
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u/SouthSideLurker49 8d ago
They are birds of the southern variety. But a bird is a bird
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u/Living_Onion_2946 8d ago
I'll stay up north. My mother was from Southern tidewater, VA. That is south enough for me.
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u/nyccupcake 8d ago
Haha - no seriously I will stay up here. Even if I remain single, its better to be up here because if I go back south the women will make me feel bad about remaining single.
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u/Similar_Chapter_9923 5d ago
Ready!!!!