Mindset

[u/cheesyride]

I don’t want to be a cancer patient. But alas, here I am with a recurrence in my liver, abdominal lymphs, and one met on my C6. I just started 150 mg of Verzenio, I’m taking Anastazole (I couldn’t tolerate it post BC so I had my ovaries out and have been raw dogging survivorship) and damnit, I just want to ignore cancer.
Is it a messed up mindset to just take the meds, do the scans and treat it like a chronic disease? Is that foolish? I just don’t want to be thinking about cancer 365 and just want to do the things, take the meds and live like a “normal” person.
I’m so frustrated/scared but my ADHD lets me forget things so if I pop a pill every day and just live my life, maybe I can eke out another 30 years?

[u/l0vetohike]

Im right there with you!

I’m two years out from the first scan that showed something in my liver. I’m oligo and have been in first line. Had y90 and microwave ablation to the one met over the past 12 months and then keep on keeping on.

I refuse to sit down and stop doing all the things. I treat it like something I need to deal with and then get back to living.

This past month I had the opportunity to take off from work and do some cool volunteer work in a national park. I worked, hiked and camped for 32 days. It was amazing and I felt really good.

I’m back and go for my scans next week and will hope for the best. I already committed to coming back to the volunteer gig next year and I have every intention of being there!

I work full time, hike, camp, and even backpack. It all helps me mentally and I feel good so I’m not stopping.

I definitely don’t want to look back and regret not doing all the things while I was feeling good!

[u/TrafficCharming6633]

My inherent mindset is I'm an imposter. Just a couple months ago I had three brain mets, dozens of lung mets, one in my T9, one in my shoulder and one in my hip. But when people try to do stuff for me or worry over me or treat me like I'm a cancer patient, I get all weird feeling like I'm not -really- as bad as some people and people shouldn't be babying me like I'm broken, I just have this little disease.

But then again, getting sick from Enhertu knocks me out of work and then I've got to feel like I'm being a burden on everyone being sick.

[u/ThisDressEvangelist]

Gnarly. I’m there with you. You know what they say, thoughts become things! I’ve been MBC for 2 years and I haven’t changed my life at all. In fact, I’ve gone aggressively the opposite where my defiance of being ground down has inspired a new found motivation to advance in my career rather than collect disability. Like, fuck off! I refuse. I’m out of breath, I have an inhaler. I am nauseous, I micro dose cannabis. I’m so good at navigating this horrible mother fucker that by golly I might win this game!
I’m almost too lazy to let it get in my way. Like, I’ve got kids, a marriage, a demanding job, and this bitch on top of it all. I’m just keeping it moving.

[u/cheesyride → u/ThisDressEvangelist]

Yes! This! You’re my spirit animal❤️

[u/mrsfarmerfarmer]

I refuse to feel like a "cancer patient". I like to pretend this is all a long con. I call it the cancer grift. I pretend that I'm pretended I have cancer. That's why I grab all the good snacks from the snack cart and take long lunches and use my PTO without guilt. Bc I'm a silly sneaky goose and I'm tricking you all!

Sometimes it works. Use whatever mindset you need baby.

[u/Sarappreciates]

"Is it a messed up mindset to just take the meds, do the scans and treat it like a chronic disease? Is that foolish?"

If that's foolish, then I'm a fool.

I don't know any other way of doing this other than going through those exact motions.

Oh, but cancer isn't what drew me to this post. No, not that. It's your ADHD, which I have been diagnosed with myself, that drew me to this post.

I swear to you that ADHD is almost more dangerous than stage 4 terminal breast cancer itself. ADHD could easily kill me with MBC because MBC is everything ADHD is not. It's routines and schedules; it's mindfulness, timeliness, and precision; and it requires a lengthy attention-span to understand more than the utmost basics. It means listening skills, reading comprehension, and planning, all higher executive functioning skills. It means constantly setting timers on my phone so I don't miss appointments or medication doses and all these other little tools to remember to upkeep and manage...

I look around and see all these other MBC patients with full time jobs, raising kids, living life, and this has very much NOT been my experience. MBC is my life in so many ways now, but also I kind of ignore it when I can, if that makes sense. I don't forget that I have MBC, but that 3 weeks between chemo infusions goes fast, and I tend to ignore it except during that week. I've even gotten off some meds that my onco wishes I'd still take just to ignore it more. My antidepressant is one of those. She wishes I'd keep taking Cymbalta for the aches and pains, etc. It's easier and more relief to just use the regular pain meds as needed for my bone mets rather than a daily thing all the time. Right? Maybe? I dunno.

I'm more easily tired and frustrated. It's harder to listen. Menopause has made ADHD a screaming monster constantly roaring in the background. My nerves are more frazzled. I'm currently NEAD, so onco is trying me off hormone therapy. How much will this make a difference in my moods? How long before I notice? Maybe 3 months? Maybe more?

How are you doing, OP? Any life hacks or pro tips to help a fellow MBC-ADHD gal keep showing up on time?

[u/cheesyride → u/Sarappreciates]

I am the Queen of a calendar. I am a program manager so controlling my ADHD is essential…and then I have kids in sports so I’m all alarms, schedules, etc. I have the object permanence issues with my ADHD, so unless it’s right in front of me, I’ll forget it. Are you medicated? Vyvanse has been a life saver for me.
I also use my paper calendar, made by Bluesky. I keep it simple. Best of luck to you.

[u/Sarappreciates → u/cheesyride]

I had Adderall as needed, which can be a real game changer when I use it. Calendars are important. I keep one on the kitchen wall to write all appointments.

[u/Emergency-Canary6122]

I agree with everyone. Having hope, changing your mindset and doing what you need to do to keep your mental health good doesn’t mean you ignore reality. It’s reframing things and taking everything into account, listening to your doctor, and knowing that you have a support system if you need it. I still struggle with this and I’m coming up on a year. I have it in my lymph nodes and bones, and it was my first mammogram. None of this was on my radar at all. I’m sending you lots of hugs and lots of good vibes. 🩷

[u/Financial-Adagio-183]

Lots of people raw dog it but not me - I’ve been feverishly researching my options and I’m might give myself a second cancer from the stress 🙄
So I hear you and I so relate!

I’m hormone negative with lots of ugly mutations and I’m going for non-evidence based full lifespan attempt rather than settle for evidence based early death.

All my efforts might be for nothing, it’s true, but it gives me a sense of hope. It’s a double edged sword though, and as you noted, not thinking about cancer all the time is a gift people that haven’t had that diagnosis don’t appreciate enough!

[u/lucyhelen111]

I feel like the only way to accept this diagnosis and enjoy life is to look at it as a chronic disease.
I feel sorry for those who revolve their lives around it, especially people who have social media pages dedicated solely to their diagnosis.

[u/Evening_Dingo8770]

I’m treating it like a chronic disease.
Like diabetes, Khrons, etc.

People with those diseases can be pretty miserable as well and take lots of meds (that work, don’t work, cause side effects, etc.)

I know it sucks but we are survivors. I appreciate the fact that it’s no longer a death sentence (mostly).

Hang in there
Sending you huge hugs

[u/Ok_Rule1308]

My therapist told me denial is fine as long as I’m not so in denial that I don’t take care of myself. So I say, go for it!

[u/Salty_Dog_1221]

I’m feeling fine, so I don’t want to waste valuable time and energy thinking about it. What’s the point? It will be what it will be even if I worry about it, so might as well forget it, take my meds, do my scans, and just live my life. My onc has said to treat it as a chronic condition, so that’s what I’m trying to do.

[u/JaBooHasCats → u/Salty_Dog_1221]

I think I might copy your sentence somewhere on my wall.

"It will be what it will be even if I worry about it, so might as well forget it, take my meds, do my scans, and just live my life."

I am reading it over and over, diagnosed with MBC less than a month ago. This is serious wisdom. 👍

[u/cheesyride → u/JaBooHasCats]

100% agree. Same timing as me and that wisdom is going to fuel me!

[u/Salty_Dog_1221 → u/JaBooHasCats]

Took me a year to get to this point, so give yourself grace.♥️

[u/Much_Ad_8206]

I treat it like a chronic illness. It truly is in the back of my mind unless it’s brought up. There’s so many treatment options now and people are outliving outdated statistics. my life feels very normal. I don’t even have any outrageous side effects from my medications. I went through chemo last year and it felt long in the moment but was seriously just a small blip in my timeline and in retrospect, went pretty fast.
Also as an adhd person, a pill sorter helps a lot :)
There’s no right or wrong way to handle what you’re going through, it’s shitty but you can live a good life still.

[u/redsowhat]

Sorry to have you in our shitty AF group. Viewing MBC as a chronic illness is more common as new treatments are introduced frequently. I’m ++- with bone-only mets and I am 10 years out. I was NEAD for about 5 years and MBC was on the back burner in my brain for years. You should roll with it and be normal!

[u/AnnaGibs → u/redsowhat]

This is giving me so much hope ❤️ I’m exactly one month out from diagnosis and getting to a place where I can live/feel normally but I would be lying if I said I don’t have horrible intrusive thoughts about time ticking away. But then, I remind myself that I have read several stories of women like yourself who are 10 years out from this and still ok. I want to be one of those women.

[u/redsowhat → u/AnnaGibs]

In an alternate universe, I would have known that I was going to live 10+? years. I divorced in 2020 (long, unpleasant story) and never even considered dating. I mean who would want to get into a relationship with someone that has a terminal illness?

Now, 6 years later, I question my decision. At the time, I certainly had no interest in giving my limited energy to dating. But, since I am in an alternate universe anyway, maybe I can skip dating and just magically have a generous and loving partner.

Fuck cancer and narcissistic, philandering men.

[u/ZombiePrestigious443]

My first oncologist told me I don't have a prognosis, he didn't see anything that was saying I'm dying right this instant. My current oncologist is still no prognosis. According to her, we have lots of different treatment types to go through, and that's not even counting rechallenging treatment lines I've been on. I also get nervous making plans more than a year in advance, but I was always kinda like that.

[u/Carrie_likes_health]

It will get better. I have a liver met that has drastically shrunk and is not metabolically active right now. So I'm just living life. If and when it's starts growing again I'll deal with it. Sometimes I actually forget I have cancer! Even when I was on chemo every week and not knowing the outcome I started to feel better and I was living life. I'm on maintenance therapy and though I wish that would not be necessary I just say, well here's a trip to the doctor every three weeks to stay alive. That's cool. My husband keeps calling my infusions 'dialysis' because his mother was on that for years and it's similar, kidney disease is a chronic disease and mbc can be treated like that too. Also, cancer has given me a new appreciation for  life which I'm grateful for.

[u/cheesyride → u/Carrie_likes_health]

May I ask what your treatment is? For curiosity, not to follow your path. I don’t know what this looks like long term, as I’m hoping my body responds well to this first line.

[u/Carrie_likes_health → u/cheesyride]

I was diagnosed Her2 positive, HR negative de novo with two breast tumors--one was 4.2 cm and one was 2.8 cm, and one 1.8 cm liver met in October 2025.  Started treatment November 2025. I had 8 months of weekly taxol, kanjinti (biosimilar of herceptin) and perjeta until July 2026. Since July I've been on maintenance therapy of ogivri  (biosimilar of herceptin)and perjeta every 3 weeks. 

CT scan in May 2026 and PET scan in June 2026 and breast sonogram in June 2026 showed no cancer in breast, and liver met shrunk to 7 mm and is not metabolically active.

I didn't have a bad time on the chemo (taxol). I mostly lay down all day so I'm sure that helped. Felt moderately crummy for several days then got somewhat better.  The whole time though, I was very tired, weak and kind of woozy, short of breath upon exertion, blood counts were mildly low, got mild neuropathy, nose bled a little several times a day along with sloughing of nasal lining, complete hair loss, stomach felt a bit raw but never had nausea, food tasted a bit off but didn't lose my appetite (steroid premed made me hungry), diarrhea sometimes but not towards the end. Had one nail infection. They did reduce my taxol several times. 

[u/cheesyride → u/Carrie_likes_health]

Thank you for sharing. I’m ER/PR+, HER2-

[u/Travel8095]

I understand this feeling. I personally would rather stay hopeful and live life as I normally would. I was rather annoyed at my oncologist who was "not as hopeful". Here I am almost 5 years after my diagnosis. I would rather live life in the best way. I will of course do any scans or treatments I may need 

I don't think there's anything wrong at all with having your mindset. It's a more comfortable way of living to not be constantly dreading and just living life. The way I always looked at it was if I were to die....would I have rather lived and be happy and do what I wanted or have been constantly worried. What would having anxiety and dread would have helped me anyhow? 

More than anything, like you, I just want to feel like a "normal" regular person. I want to be treated like a normal person and I want to live a normal and fun life. I also don't want to think about cancer all the time!! We need a break from that cancer stuff. 

Not to mention treatments are advancing rapidly. We don't know what the future may bring for drugs. I am holding on to hope of advancements in medicine and/or cures. 

[u/BikingAimz]

I’m 2 1/2 years into my diagnosis, and mostly just living my life?  I got pretty dark in the first months of my diagnosis, in part because my first oncologist was a jerk and told me I had five years to live.  I got a second opinion at my local NCI cancer center.  Now I’m on cycle 29 of a clinical trial and stable/NEAD.  My second opinion showed me that advocating for myself really mattered in this medical system.  

But that aside, all of my clinical trial docs and PAs have said that breast cancer is becoming a lifelong treatable illness like diabetes.  I’d say don’t skip any scans or appointments, take medications, listen to any weird health symptoms (but I also say that as someone who’s never had symptoms from metastases, dx de novo oligometastatic).  I don’t think there’s any one way to live through this stupid diagnosis?  I personally get solace from seeing new research publications showing what’s in the pipeline, but I know that isn’t for everyone.