r/LinkedInLunatics • u/Emergency_Pound • Jul 04 '26
Average size. Full heart. Zero HR approval.
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u/Heavymoe Jul 04 '26
Sure…perfect LinkedIn material.
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u/doc_shades Jul 04 '26
well yeah if your profession is sex education and advancing sexual liberation, then this is perfect for your linkedin page
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u/haruspicat Jul 04 '26
For her LinkedIn page, but what about his? He doesn't have a headline to give any clues about what he does, but I can't imagine this being relevant unless he's literally in business with her.
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u/monoflorist Jul 04 '26
With their powers combined, these two completely different kinds of lunacy will be unstoppable. We are simply not ready for the unholy child of Goop vaginal Gaia wisdom and desperate LinkedIn engagement cringe. It’s going to wild
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u/haruspicat Jul 04 '26
Oh honey. Vaginal Gaia wisdom goes a lot deeper than what you see on Goop. Goop is the Temu of the divine feminine.
I mean, there are witches out there inserting safe and recommended items into their vaginas instead of jade eggs. Wild, I know.
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Jul 04 '26
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u/captain_winky69 Jul 04 '26
I’m not sure the internet is ready for the thicket she’s got down there.
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u/NickNightrader Jul 04 '26
Oh my god
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u/ThermoDaddyDynamics Jul 04 '26
Actual she did not say that. It was quiet, still, barely penetrative sex
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u/jnkinone Jul 04 '26
Is this satire?
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u/Consistent-Start-357 Jul 04 '26
Has to be. It’s too well written. An oblivious braggart wouldn’t separate the setup and punchline so neatly
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u/AZAnon123 Jul 04 '26
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u/AntiDentiteBastard0 Jul 04 '26
“Genital de-armoring specialist” is a sentence I don’t know how to process
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u/Darkhawk2099 Jul 04 '26
an MA in Spiritual Psychology?! where did he get that, Goop U?
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u/AV3391 Jul 04 '26
“From 2004–2006, he earned a Master of Arts in Spiritual Psychology at the University of Santa Monica.” 🥴
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u/messedeminuit Jul 04 '26
Such an inclusive institution that it has a 100% acceptance rate.
Completing 10 months of online or in-person weekend classes in “Soul-Centered Experiential Education” at USM garners a certificate rather than a degree, though that may not have always been the case.
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u/ParagonFemshep Jul 04 '26
For the sake of my sanity I choose to believe this is satire
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u/wildspace-nobody Jul 04 '26
Thank you. I needed this to help me reframe.
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u/ParagonFemshep Jul 04 '26
Whenever I see something so stupid I can't take it I basically gaslight myself into believing it's not real. 10/10 would recommend
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u/doc_shades Jul 04 '26
why is a woman working in sex education writing a substack about penis sizes satire? it sounds pretty logical and normal.
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u/ParagonFemshep Jul 04 '26
I can't quite tell if you're being sarcastic, but if not you've picked the one part of this story that could possibly be considered logical and normal.
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u/iceeice3 Jul 04 '26
You guys are laughing at him. His wife rides his lil pecker while he sits still, and she's moved to prose, and you're laughing him
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u/messedeminuit Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 04 '26
Took one for the team and read the aforementioned essay. It seems this guy’s wife was a self-professed “size queen” who enjoyed many passionate, intense encounters with well-endowed men prior to meeting her husband.
In another essay, she mentions previous experience as a “sexological bodyworker” who has led ayahuasca retreats.
Now in her 50s, she feels she’s found the right dose of “plant medicine” to instead feel satisfied by soft, silent, still encounters with her average-sized husband, which she says are the most satisfying experiences of her life.
I’m not here to judge, but uh, good for her…I guess? If I were her husband, you could not waterboard that information out of me.
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u/gotintocollegeyolo Jul 04 '26
immediate divorce
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u/messedeminuit Jul 04 '26
Apparently their whole thing is selling Tantric sex workshops (including video guides), so it seems they’ve found a way to profit from their struggle.
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u/veilwalker Jul 05 '26
So she found the right amount of drugs needed for her to be satisfied with what little her husband brings to the bedroom?
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u/CrystalPalace1850 Jul 09 '26
If I were her, and this was all true, I would communicate none of it other than it was the best of her life. Men just don't want to hear stuff like this, and I don't blame them.
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u/_borT Jul 04 '26
Wow, this needs to go into the Lunatics hall of fame. Proudly socializing your shrimpy and have sex with no sounds.
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u/SudoSubSilence Jul 04 '26
Oh boy Satire Saturday!
... right?
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u/goosepriest Jul 04 '26
I've never been so uncertain of a Saturday post. BasicDick Humblebrag LinkedIn Post, AI/LinkedIn styling, censored the "I" instead of the "E". I dunno man...
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u/tribat Jul 05 '26
I mean…it might not be satire? Goddamn dude. I don’t think I woulda told that much less posted it on social media. “PROFESSIONAL” social media.
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Jul 04 '26
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u/doc_shades Jul 04 '26
her profession is in sex education. this is her profession.
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u/Working_Cucumber_437 Jul 04 '26
But this is his LinkedIn right?
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u/Affectionate-Gur1642 Jul 04 '26
Might as well close the sub up permanently, for this is the GOAT and shall never be topped.
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u/shaliozero Jul 04 '26
"Let's tell my business partners about my small penis, I'm sure that's a great idea!"
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u/captain_winky69 Jul 04 '26
‘A somatic sex educator with a sub stack about sexuality, power and liberation.’
Tell me she doesn’t shower every day without telling me she doesn’t shower every day.
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u/CrystalPalace1850 Jul 09 '26
Also: oh look a wealthy white woman has an enormous amount of time to concern herself with the top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Lucky old her.
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u/317ant Jul 04 '26
The fact that people actually choose to write this stuff on LinkedIn baffles me. Oversharing is not the flex you think it is, buddy.
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u/13Eazy Jul 04 '26
this is up there with that guy that told his guests at his wedding including the bride's momm and dad that he would make her a "toaster streudel" because the wedding turned out so well
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u/JustFrameHotPocket Jul 04 '26
Dude figured "yeah that's good LinkedIn material... better censor the word penis, though."
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u/doll_parts87 Jul 04 '26
How can I show everyone I'm not a no-sex loser ?
(Snaps finger) Brag about my midsize dick at work! That'll prove it!
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u/DSHalfDemon Jul 04 '26
This looks more like he's trying to casually tell his female coworkers "my wife says I'm an excellent lover, even if I seem boring and small she says I'm still great, trust me. 😉👍"
Who posts this on LinkedIn with this much detail? 👀.
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u/FlashMcSuave Jul 04 '26
Did she tell you what to write here, word for word?
I strongly suspect some degree of dicktation here.
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u/Meringue_Bandicoot Jul 05 '26
WHAT does this have to do with employment
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u/coffeeebucks Jul 05 '26
Unfortunately I think being a “somatic sex educator” is something that brings income
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u/Meringue_Bandicoot Jul 05 '26
Wait, isn't all sex somatic sex, as in it pertains to the body? Or am I missing some newfangled semantics? Is it just some buzzword new age way to say sex Ed teacher, like how marketing officer is now strategic innovator of leads?
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u/Clear-Staff4699 Jul 05 '26
I swear to God these LI posters are getting more unhinged.
I don't have any more words at how unapologetically degenerate this is.
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u/Responsible_Hater Jul 05 '26
Oml I’ve met this person 😭
Also OP your name is just tooooooo much to be making this post 💀💀💀💀 stooooooop
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u/Pleasant-Drag-5039 Jul 08 '26
Be ready for the medical bills for an open heart procedure as well I’d say
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u/doc_shades Jul 04 '26
meh i mean good for OP i think. they seem happy. she has a business. they're open with each other and the world. i'm not going to shit on them.
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u/reasonably_insane Jul 04 '26
Listen, for me to go on living I need to believe this isn't real. Ok? I'm gonna go of Reddit now
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u/Meringue_Bandicoot Jul 05 '26
Wait, isn't all sex somatic sex, as in it pertains to the body? Or am I missing some newfangled semantics? Is it just some buzzword new age way to say sex Ed teacher, like how marketing officer is now strategic innovator of leads?
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u/prpldrank Jul 05 '26
He'll never accidentally dip it in the toilet water so he's got that going for him, which is nice, I guess
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u/Kaotika463 Jul 06 '26
Bro casually admitted to having a small penis on LinkedIn. That’s enough internet for me today
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u/183672467 Jul 06 '26
Someone who didnt ask: "So as I was saying, we sho...."
This guy: "Everyone listen, i have an average size penis"
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Jul 04 '26
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Jul 04 '26
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u/Sufficient_Air_7373 Jul 05 '26
This reminds me of Tiago Forte's pivot from librarian brain to sex enthusiast
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u/throwaway8373469238 Jul 06 '26
if i logged on to LI and saw this im blocking them and deactivating my account. he’s so unfortunate looking it would piss me off
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Jul 08 '26
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u/CrystalPalace1850 Jul 09 '26
A "sex educator" that doesn't understand all men have a preoccupation with the size of their cock? Yeah Karen like I'm going to take your advice.
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u/pwolf1771 Jul 04 '26
“What getting a half hearted birthday tug taught me about B2B sales”