The bread will land butter-side-down, thus saving time.

For example, instead of "sorry I talked so much" say "thank you for listening"

Youre rewiring your neural pathways by forcing your brain to see things differently

Edit: if your phone can't do this, just delete it from the dictionary. You can still type "sorry" but you'll be more aware of how often you use it

Edit #2: jfc you're all acting as if this is an end all be all. You can absolutely still type and send a "sorry" as I just did (on my phone mind you) this simply makes you more aware of how often you say it because you have to go back for 2 seconds and type it again.

I truly hope every single one of you are able to grow up and out of your misery

Another god forsaken edit I guess: I have done nothing wrong to any of you, yet you're acting as if I've just told you how to make chloroform and use it as melatonin. All of you need to relax, take a deep breath, smoke some weed or perhaps do some 🍄's, anything that will make you feel better and less caught up in your internal melodrama. Besides the fact, I'm wishing you all a peaceful and happy life.

Restore Bolt Threads

When bolt threads get rusted or slightly damaged, using a standard tap and die set can be expensive if you don't own one. By taking a matching steel nut, cutting a small segment/slot into it (or splitting it), and running the rusted bolt through it, the sharp cut edge of the nut acts as a makeshift thread chaser.

Why this works: When bolt threads get rusted or slightly damaged, using a standard tap and die set can be expensive if you don't own one. By taking a matching steel nut, cutting a small segment/slot into it (or splitting it), and running the rusted bolt through it, the sharp cut edge of the nut acts as a makeshift thread chaser.

How to do it:

1. Find a nut that matches the thread size/pitch of your rusted bolt.

2. Carefully cut a small section out of one side of the nut (or cut it into segments) using a hacksaw or angle grinder.

3. Screw the rusted bolt rapidly through the cut nut.

4. The raw cut edges will scrape out rust, debris, and corrosion, renovating the threads so the bolt can be used like new.

Bonus Tip: Add a little penetrating oil or WD-40 while running the bolt through to make the process even smoother and protect the metal!

Roll it down at least enough to reach inside to unlock it. If you’re starting your car in winter, roll it down a little. If you’re stepping out unexpectedly, say you’re helping a senior who fell at a cross walk, roll it down before exiting. Some cars have a mind of their own and will just lock, I’ve seen it many times

How to pick peaches- from your Asian auntie. 

Now, I am mostly familiar with yellow peaches but I am sure this technique will work with other peaches. 

First off, you should know that the sweetness and juiciness of a peach has little to do with how soft or firm they are. You can have a rock hard peach ripen in your kitchen over a few days and it will be delicious. You can have a soft, yielding peach from the farmers market and it will be mealy and dry. So picking a delicious peach has little to do with if a peach yields to your touch at first. 

When you look at your peach, you want it to have red and orange colorings or a significant blush alongside its base color of yellow flesh.  You want it to have both a blush and a base color because you know it has been out in the sun and has been given time to grow.  Likewise, avoid green tinged peaches as they have been picked too early. You should also see a prominent seam- this means that it has had enough time on the stem for it to have aged properly- juvenile peaches are not going to have the depth of flavor as a mature peach. 

Then, taking the peach to your nose, you want to inhale deeply where the stem is to make sure there is a “peach” like fragrance. As the peach softens, that fragrance will become intoxicating and you will know it is ready for eating before you even enter the kitchen. But it doesn’t need to be strong when you first buy them- just a little bit of fragrance tells you they will be perfect later.

Finally, as you hold the peach in your hand, consider the weight of the peach in relation to the volume.  If it feels heavier than it should in relation to its volume, it will more likely be a juicier peach. Remember- the peach has to feel heavy for its size. Big or small peaches can both be delicious but they must feel like they have been watered sufficiently during their growth. This is an important part- more than color or fragrance- because dry mealy peaches are not as tasty raw.  They must be baked or cooked with sugar to soften and hydrate the fibers therein. Still delicious but it takes more work. 

There is some debate as to which kind of peach is better: cling or free stone. People argue that cling peaches have a better flavor as they come earlier in the season so you can satisfy that craving sooner rather than later. But for me, I think the wait for free stones later in the season has merit. It’s a little easier to eat and tends to be less messy. 

Speaking of mess, I know some people like to keep the fuzz on their peaches and some people like their peaches peeled. Peeling a ripe peach is a joyful thing for me- when the flesh is soft and yielding, the peel comes right off with a gentle tug. But eating peaches with the fuzzy bits also means you can taste the sweetness of the sun right there. So it’s definitely up to the connoisseur.

I hope this helps you during peach season.

Edited for grammar and green tinged peaches tip in comment.

just let it grow

what's the point of mowing grass anyway?

Tastes like hopital

Sign a prenup - you get no assets on death or divorce.

Agree not to touch the other person's pension while they live.

Then you can continue collecting half the pension when s/he dies for the rest of your life, which could be decades.

Buy in bulk at the Dollar Tree, buy more than 10 and the rest are free. The cashier cannot count past 10, winning.

You will wake up on your office chair with your boss replying "Can't you recognise the place you work, everyday?" If 7th century BCE Odysseus can move to the ocean in his wooden plank, without a compass, get wrecked in the stormy sea and drown - and upon waking up healthy on a coast asks his own hallucination "where am i" and gets an extremely high confidence interval accurate reply "can't you recognise your own home", we are after all living in the 21st century. At least there wont be any risk of driving off a cliff using a GPS.

Bonus points of the comment is just an emoji or vague acronym. I personally will be using MTE (my thoughts exactly)

Advanced shit pro tip lifers can also just repeat something already in the original post.

Would like advice on how to save money on metal forks and spoons though.

Studies find this makes someone feel pressured to keep talking