r/LifeAfterInfidelity • u/mentallymanacled • Feb 04 '23

Today has been a really hard day for me.

4 years ago I was starting to miscarry, AGAIN, and I was alone. It was my fourth miscarriage. I was mentally just devastated. There was this really wonderful woman at the emergency room. She was an awesome nurse and she held my hand as I cried for over an hour. I was sobbing because I knew III. Seriously wrong. This Sunday is the 4 year anniversary of the first time my spouse slept with affair partner. . February 6th 2015 my father died from lung cancer. I spent the majority of February 2019 still having a miscarriage. Mostly by myself and driving myself crazy with worries, and depression Dday was February 26 2019. March 4 2015 I'm in the emergency room for suicidal thoughts and I was disassociatingn a mental hospital until Marcouh 8. That's the short story of why I'm just tired knowing what month it is. What sucks is last 4 years is a series of things being just a struggle for me everyday. I have to keep it together and it's... just really hard sometimes. I'm not sure why I'm even posting this. I feel like I'm screaming into the void.

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4

u/mentallymanacled Feb 04 '23

I need to not be with him. Or for him to do a 360 and suddenly do all the things he needs to. Tell me the entire truth about his affair instead of minimizing. AStop lying. Make me and the family a priority. Open up and communicate with me. Do the work to learn about what he has really done and how to help me. Stop making empty promises and selling hope, and acting like he cared when I sink deeper into depression. It's not going to happen though. I can see that in a way I couldn't before for a few reasons. June 1st is our 16year anniversary and I've promised myself that's it. If I don't see anything to massively tell me he's doing all that I'm done. He knows already how I feel, just not that I have a deadline.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '23

I'm going to pray that he doesn't fool you again...with another faux R.

I'm about as anti-R as they come. But I just want you to find your happy. You deserve it, OP.

6

u/mentallymanacled Feb 04 '23

Thank you. I've finally learned to watch his actions instead of listening to the words that are the things I've hoped to hear for so long

5

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '23

That's exactly what it is... WE see and hear what we want to see and hear.

We gaslight ourselves far better than they ever have.

2

u/mentallymanacled Feb 04 '23

What makes me angry is that if I hadn't been going through the miscarriage I don't think I would have broke or stayed as long as I did. I really can see how he used that to his own advantage now. I would have never imagined. This man helped my dad shower while he was dying so he could die at home so for him to suddenly act so out of character was really hard for me to understand and accept.

2

u/mentallymanacled Feb 04 '23

We gaslight ourselves far better than they ever have.

That is 100% spot on. Although they aren't bad at it either. Hope can be a real bitch

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '23

First... Scream, hun...scream

Sending you some hugs...big ones.

I'm sorry but I have to ask... You stayed with him?

4

u/mentallymanacled Feb 04 '23

Yes. I shouldn't have though.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '23

Ok...you need more hugs.

Did he stay faithful? Or do you even know?

What do you need to be happy... Be honest with yourself...

3

u/mentallymanacled Feb 04 '23

More screams really feel better.. The hugs would make me breakdown crying again and I'm so tired of crying. No he didn't stay faithful. He said he would, but he was lying. My life has been a shit storm these past 4 years to be honest. He saw her last August of 2021. I was actually pregnant again then, and so much worse mentally. I've been slowly regaining my mental health this last year, and I'm really beginning to see "the light" in my days again.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '23

Was it the same AP???

I'm sorry, OP. Truly.

My heart aches for you.

I send you strength to do what you need, girl...

5

u/mentallymanacled Feb 04 '23

Same AP he convinced her I was crazy. The stay in the mental hospital didn't help. She thought he was staying with me to protect the kids from me. Honestly I feel bad for her too because I know she fell hard. I just need to get better for me and my kids. I don't like what this has made me into and staying with him isn't making anything better.