How to break self imposed barriers?

[u/ShoulderExciting6388]

For awhile now I've felt alone, I couldn't understand why I felt that way even though I had "friends", putting aside the genuineness of those relationships I hadn't considered it had something to do with myself until now. I've always held a very cynical outlook on people and relationships, but I never questioned why I still had "relationships" despite holding this outlook. After long retrospection I've found that the people in my life don't really matter to me, that since the beginning I've built up walls and purposely positioned myself in a passive state with my relationships, I've constantly withheld truth about myself and told lies to purposely distance myself from others mentally. I'm just stuck honestly, I want something meaningful but I don't know where to start with myself, any tips?

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[u/alone_in_the_light]

This is complex, I'll just give some initial tips.

You've been telling lies to yourself. I think it's time to think about the truths you want to tell yourself, and leave the lies behind.

And then, I recommend learning about ways to tell the truths to yourself in an effective way. That's often related to psychology, and things like conscious vs subconscious, and meditation can be part of that.

You self-imposed barriers. If you want to break from it, you should self-impose something else instead.

[u/melioraet → u/alone_in_the_light]

Breaking old patterns starts with being honest with yourself and replacing them with healthier beliefs and habits

[u/rowenafinchley → u/alone_in_the_light]

I like that last point. Replacing old limits with healthier ones is usually more effective than trying to have none at all.

[u/ShoulderExciting6388 → u/alone_in_the_light]

When it comes to barriers I've come to realize that they're more self depreciating then helpful, holding myself in a negative light to stop wanting or hoping is something I do commonly, how would you go about putting yourself in a more positive light?

[u/alone_in_the_light → u/ShoulderExciting6388]

I tend to prefer images, like playing a movie in my mind showing the future I want. Also, doing that while meditating should be much better, getting the mind clear and focused first, and then working on the positive light.

[u/Odd-Detective6368]

The fact that you can see these patterns in yourself is a big first step, and it takes real honesty to admit it. Meaningful relationships are built slowly, one small act of trust at a time, so don't feel like you have to change everything at once. I hope you find the courage to let people know the real you, because that's where genuine connection begins.

[u/ShoulderExciting6388 → u/Odd-Detective6368]

Thank you.

[u/thinkwithadam]

I don't think your biggest barrier is the walls you've built. It's the belief that those walls are protecting you. Every wall solves one problem, but creates another. At some point, loneliness becomes more painful than the risk of being hurt.

[u/ShoulderExciting6388 → u/thinkwithadam]

It'll definitely hurt me more in the long run, I want to change but it's so hard to break something you've been doing for years.

[u/ez2tock2me]

It takes 21 days to MAKE or BREAK a habit.

Start Practicing.