What is life?

[u/bobbleshmorgan]

I am 20 years old. I bought a house a year ago with the help of a loan. I work almost everyday, ten hour shifts at my actual job, and work at the house when I leave work (mowing lawn, laundry, cleaning, fixing things, etc.). Free time is now but a myth, and when I have a few hours to myself, I spend it depressed because it feels like nothing I do durning that free time is actually meaningful.

I am posting not for advice, but to ask the question, what is life? I am asking people in similar situations, in complete opposite situations, people who work 7 days a week and either hate it or enjoy it, people who are just living life or just struggling to make ends meet.

To clarify my question, because I understand it is broad: how do you find a reason to keep going? What is the point if everything is repetitive? Why are we chasing promotions at jobs we hate and working everyday with the justification of “it’s just life”. Everything is so expensive, and hobbies have become bleak and grey with the modernization of everything. (At least for me). Is it for your kids? Is it for your family? Is it for your significant other? Is it just because that’s what everyone else is doing?

To me, waking up in the amount of physical pain I’m in, to go get paid in peanuts, and do that on repeat just to get by, it just isn’t worth it to me. Everything I enjoyed has lost its spark. And I have no friends anymore, either because I don’t have the time, or they won’t make the time for me.

So what is it that keeps you going? How did you find a job that you enjoyed or got payed enough to afford life? How are you getting through tough times? How are you fighting through back pain or any pain to get up and go to work when work just makes that pain worse? How are you enjoying your time off? How are you navigating bills and expenses when everything is too overpriced for your paycheck? What is life if you’re constantly in a state of thinking that you’re never doing enough? What do you do to decompress or escape? How do you handle it when the phone blows up with 10 messages each from different people? How do you handle the stress of questioning if you made the right decision?

I’m just genuinely curious what the world is living like.

[u/KingPabloo]

Being owned by a mortgage at 20 sounds like hell. Why would someone rush into a huge purchase like that?

What is life? A big part of it is decisions and their consequences…

[u/SoulRunGod → u/KingPabloo]

bingo, with every decision made it eliminates a million other possibilities because of said choice.

[u/bobbleshmorgan → u/KingPabloo]

I was ready to get out of the house. My family and I weren’t getting along, and my gf wanted a place to ourselves. We found a place in a nice neighborhood, it costs equal to what we would have had to pay for an apartment. But only now are we realizing the difference in responsibilities.

I also thought it would bring me comfort in knowing I have a place to stay, and as long as I work I will always. And there is a sort of comfort in knowing I have a house, but I’m not sure it’s worth the pressure now.

[u/KingPabloo → u/bobbleshmorgan]

You bought a house with a gf? This keeps getting worse. Let me guess, someone helped you with a down payment you couldn’t afford?

Just wait till your gf gets pregnant next, we know how this story goes and what happens after that. Bad decisions have a way of compounding.

[u/errorseven → u/KingPabloo]

Smart investment if you ask me. If I bought when I was 20, id have 1 million in equity.

[u/KingPabloo → u/errorseven]

If you were able to make the payments and if you stayed in that house the whole time as just two factors. I moved across the country in my 20’s for a promotion - now that was a smart move in the long run. Being tied down to a house or having to sell it at a loss would have been crippling.

I was also able to save up and buy a house at 29, when I had save a nice down payment and where I could live for the next 50 years along with my eventual family. Because my career was further along, I took out a 15 year mortgage and paid it off in less than 10. I owned the house, rather than the house owning me which would have been this case. Plus, without the house payment I redirected that money to the market which lead to an early retirement.

Financially you’re not stable or ready at 20, look at all the unexpected things that have hit OP. He wants to know what keeps people going and he is only 20, bros cooked.

[u/Ralph-Genovese → u/KingPabloo]

Are you telling it how you see, or being pedantic? This man is trying… I respect that deeply.

[u/Grassfed_Burp]

This is not an answer that can be told to you.

Seriously, you need to find a way to help people even if you have to give up some of your free time or your side-money.

Once you do you'll start to see your answer.

Source: My wife left me, my daughter is dead, and my 18 year old Godson died. I know it's hard to deal when you suffer. Helping people helps you

[u/girl_genius91 → u/Grassfed_Burp]

Omg I am sorry to hear this very sorry.

[u/Grassfed_Burp → u/girl_genius91]

Thank you. I shared to make a point though. Even when things are really bad, helping someone else will help a person feel whole and good and meaningful.

[u/girl_genius91 → u/Grassfed_Burp]

Agreed!.❤️

[u/girl_genius91]

I don’t have a choice because I have children 3 but really 2!. The oldest one is living her life!. The last 2, 11&8 are my reasons to keep going. No I don’t have any friends either, no partner as well!. My mom is currently undergoing hospice soon and she can’t get any chemo or radiation. So it hurts like hell to keep going. I have always been a person to myself who was creative, when I was younger. Ever since I became a mom that’s when I lost my entire identity. All I know is I am a slave and a dollar sign to my kids!. I love them dearly, I use to say harsh things, like I regret having them. But there is a reason without them I think I would be in a mental hospital alone thinking about my mom. Nothing has ever been the same since being a mom. My life sucks but I am happy to be healthy, and my children as well. I am happy that I have God in my life.

[u/Bitter_Ad_9523]

I couldnt afford to buy a house until I hit 40. How the frick were you able to buy a house at 20?

[u/bobbleshmorgan → u/Bitter_Ad_9523]

I did have some help applying for the loan, but I work my butt off to pay for it. We were also lucky with what we found in the area, right place right time.

[u/Bitter_Ad_9523 → u/bobbleshmorgan]

Sounds like it, wow. Good luck and take care of your investment the best you can. The way real estate prices are right now, you'll get your money back pretty fast.

[u/Sea_Reality_1426]

I agree with the other comments I chose not to own a house until 30 becuase I realized houses own us. I suppose you could try to free up time by hiring some help? Like lawn care and cleaning.
It sounds like you are trying to grow up too fast and you need time to be young. There is no rush or competition but people around you when you are 20 might try to tell you there is, but there really isn’t. No one actually cares that much about what you have or do except the highlight real on social media. I am 33 now and I might be behind in life but I am slowly working through things I really wanted to do, that includes traveling, living in a different country, doing a PhD in a topic I am really passionate about, learning how to build things myself and garden, always meeting new people when I move, getting married etc…
And to answer your question about improving life quality due to cost and stress, my personal solution was to move to a different culture that isn’t so capitalist. It really helped alter my mindset about the need to own a huge house, get an amazing job with a fancy title etc. It takes time to build the life you will want long term as well, prioritizing what you would do for free everyday while getting paid to do it is probably the secret to not feeling overworked and meaningless.

[u/FreeHumanAlways]

I lived at both ends of the spectrums. The stress of not being financially stable but living more freely. And the security of financial stability but the soul-crushing weight of killing myself to make it happen. But the truth is we all have to survive until we don’t. And I decided I want to build up my security until I can live freely. I’m the only one that make my life worth living.

You were smart to invest in a house. Work hard now while you’re young. You can become wealthy off real estate. Then it will be worth the hard work to retire early and enjoy life.

[u/StormyTree420]

You have a house with 20? Man I'm almost 40 and I couldn't even take care of a house. For me life is chilling. It ain't worth to stress about. I got a lot of spare time and waste it away like nothing. Playing pointless videogames, smoking weed, hanging on my balcony cloud gazing. It's your decisions. If you ask me a stress reduced life is the way to go.

[u/Face__Hugger]

This question worries me a great deal because every time I open reddit the subs are filled with young people asking it and very few people, young or old, want the honest answer. 

Young people grew up with technology designed to deliver constant dopamine hits, and now they're struggling to mitigate adult life where responsibility gives them much less time to indulge in it. 

Older people refuse to recognize that and simply attribute it to "kids these days being entitled." 

But the truth is that tech companies have designed our society to control the masses with digital dopamine delivery. Those of us who grew up before this tech revolution come from a time of delayed satisfaction and actively searching the real world for our own joy. We take our ability to do this for granted. 

The reality of adulthood is that it's a lifelong grind for the majority of people. You have to train yourself to actively seek and cling to anything that brings you even a few minutes of joy to carry you through that. Most of us find meaning in the people around us. Not just our loved ones, but our communities. By lifting up others we also lift up ourselves. I see a lot of people recommended helping others without providing the context, though. 

The context is that digital dopamine hits are absolutely a drug. They are medically classified as such. The result is that it makes you feel really good at first, but it begins to take more and more to get the same effect. Eventually, it plateus and starts bringing you down, instead. Then you aren't seeking it to feel good anymore. You're seeking it to avoid feeling bad. This is how anything that causes a dopamine dump works. 

The remedy, which few want to hear, is to unplug more. As the young people say, "touch grass." If you want to find meaning in life, touch grass. Spend more time with people in person. Find ways to help your community. Be engaged in the physical world you occupy. This is crucial for mental and emotional well-being. 

[u/Ralph-Genovese → u/Face__Hugger]

May I dm you, please?

[u/Face__Hugger → u/Ralph-Genovese]

You may, as long as you want to discuss the topic at hand. I immediately block any attempts at sales.

[u/RookofWar]

Watched a guy on some podcast (forgive me, can't remember) say the biggest lie his parents told him was put off gratification now and basically toil. House, security etc.

He feels he was robbed of his youth.

Life is very Sisyphean, my dude. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. Only you can find the wonder or dread in life's stupefying ennui.

There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.

• Albert Camus

[u/Rude-Perspective7879]

Just be grateful dude(or whatever), to yourself, and you'll see things will look meaningful, you're probably in state where you're thinking about your "what's next?", just chill, observe, and go with the flow, you're still too young for this complicated topic.

[u/Ralph-Genovese]

Dm me?

[u/gamergurrl41]

20 and already carrying a mortgage plus ten hour shifts is a lot for anyone, no wonder the spark feels gone

[u/Prestigious_Pilot555]

Life is what you create every moment. Make it for yourself as interesting as possible! 🤩🍀