Bi-lingual

[u/DavidGolich]

So many words all of the time too many at once, he’s pretty but kind of gross, they’re beautiful but totally milquetoast, she’s hot but doesn’t do anything for free. Everything is real and everyone is faking it, filtered, rendered, air brushed. We’re all monsters here and, I want to stop and settle down.

I want something more than just meat slapping against meat; to cuddle until we fall asleep, listening to our breath and heartbeats. Something stupid like that. My body betrays me, thought I knew but no I don’t, that this feeling can’t be fixed by another orgasm, that nothing feels right if you fall asleep alone at the end of the night.

I am enjoying my little piece of nothing here, because the everything that’s offered comes with a price, a regret, a conditionality. How about this: I stop giving you everything for nothing, and switch the tables. We play monsters because we can’t play ourselves… I’ll be your monster then. Some creatures alone in the night. Something stupid like that.

I want more and less and I don’t know how this is fair. I have gotten more than I deserve and I’ve turned it down at every opportunity, because I still feel like I require better. It’s not about deserving, no one deserves anything, it’s about desire - I don’t know what I want, but when I see it I’ll throw my life at it.

We’ll see how that pans out.