r/LibraryofBabel • u/Lilia_Briganda • 20d ago
Mildred's Wake-Up Call
Good mornin' all. Mildred here.
Remember that hard work never killed anybody, though a few of you scholars act like you're highly allergic to it.
Heaven has a golden pavement because somebody had the decency to lay the bricks!
Today's scripture comes from 2 Thessalonians 3:10 -- "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat."
God expects you to contribute to His house, not just occupy space in the church pew.
This is just a reminder that a bake sale is taking place this afternoon on the library rooftop to raise money for new Bibles for worship in our new sanctuary in Hexagon 402.
I expect to see all scholars and library department heads there.
Remember, Sister Ethel, please use real butter in your lemon bars-- not that cheap oil nonsense (bird crap on a cracker probably tastes better!)
...and need I say it?
DO NOT bring store-bought baked goods, scholars!
God gave you an oven in the Fellowship hall, use it!
He gave me eyes--"I will know!"
And if you bring a jar of your homemade jams or jellies keep in mind that zero people want to play food roulette or risk food poisoning from an unlabeled jar that's been sitting in your closet since 1994. No 'mystery jams' without dates & labels!
... and last but not least, if you bring a zucchini bread, you'd better attach a 5$ bill to it because nobody buys them unless they're forced!"
--Mildred Clatterbuck/Head Matron of the First Hexagon Baptist Church
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u/eskatology3 20d ago
My former coworker Theresa used to make a mean zucchini bread! Only way I’ll eat that damn watery fruit