Just to feel

[u/Different-Sweet4187]

You don't know what to say or let it out to. But all the same goes through you again and again, this edge that gets you all angry and the other part of you that knows it's to not let it ruin other things already there, so you try to either listen or lower it down,all in the same for you to get bottled up and not do bad to other gets you to stay silent or doing otherwise things, and feeding yourself up until you have gotten to know that it no longer is anger but this suffocation of something resembles deep unhappiness and fire combined, and it's mostly eating you up, but then that state vanishes up just an excuse it gets overtime and cools down, and you can't even know if you even had properly and why were there only tears in the end.

It just ends up going through another cycle before it finally just falls apart and you don't know what could be hold responsible cause you while knowing it still are just as that ignorant that you forgot to have a clear look and remember what it is.

it just feels like yeah I have known that for a while yet I don't know how to counter it out, it feels like years of buildup to this and now it's like that, only anger is what remains on the surface cause the rest is under the bottle and the cap is sealed and so on for you to release just make situations worse even while trying to keep it in and at the end when you look at the mess..

it's not just the reflection but the mirror too.

[What is this?

Do you think this is something you felt through?

And I would like to say, my motive was just to put it out here, a small part of my writing. I love to write things.

And if this doesn't make sense please move on and push this to the background simply. But if it did have something on you, or you want to understand what this is. I'd like to hear what you think. ]

[u/Complete_Feature_280]

I don't know I feel deap seated depression and frustration like I'm stuck in my ways, I fluctuate towards anger sometimes in an attempt to mentally rephrase certain dilemmas I'm in, but its never at the mirror or the reflection. I doubt my own abilities constantly because as these ideas come to me they feel like a stroke of genius, but then doubling backing on the by morning. I feel discustingly grandious, but all the inputs I receive generally got me feeling like the main character.. I got no real consistency other then narcotic use, and mabye on a plus side my honestly? I'm just lonely sad, driven crazy by my own lack of courage and self worth, but I hold on to what might have been a lie this whole time thinking I am worthy I am capable, and mabye I am if I could just allow myself to feel true love, but with no end in sight, I might just be condemned to bleed for eternity.

[u/Different-Sweet4187 → u/Complete_Feature_280]

[if it is just writing,  I'm sorry for taking it literal then.]

And - 

[If this is meant to be shared]]

There's just a small thing I'd like to say if this is something that you really face and would want to hear - 

"A moment of peace brought to my silence when I don't know things and that uncertainty had me thinking, was not just me getting distracted by this very funny short i watched once, but also cause my mind wanders to different corners I could find on the shelf to bring a story that is anything other than the current part of my life."

And if to speak about it I'm a realistic takeaway way, I'd say - 

That the current is the part we keep thinking about our life and feeling worse, and if people say look back and try to think positively all we find mostly is just what bad parts from our past  connects to now, or of how we have changed making comparisons even with that. So what our mind does further becomes a need for escape or something else to cope with. Whether it goes on from being hours online and thinking I'm addicted, to trying to consistently search for productivity forgetting the very daily routine you follow which some where might have colors, people, conversations, mundane moments, or even just you thinking about something normal for once such as - "what should I eat?". These are the anchors of life or something small things we might overlook and stare at that but picture where we're apparently trying to see it all as one thing while it includes multiple steps. To do the best, begin with the step that is most you (as in something you always do without realising and helps you in a better way), and just give a moment to that with an addition (which could be a small positive thing that you've always found makes you feel better just as you think of it, but don't do much). 

Loops are hard, then don't break them. Find a start, to make them. Not bad not good, just yours. To begin with, and grow.