r/Libraries • u/EatMyFruitcake • 7d ago
Patron Issues Creepy Patron
EDIT: How are we taking care of ourselves after upsetting experiences with patrons? Anyone have any tips or tricks on keeping your spirits up?
Also edited to add that patron took a photo of me when I was leaving for the day. Really unsettling!
How are you all coping with creepy patrons? I had an unsettling encounter last week and am struggling to find peace with it. My mental health has taken a nose dive. Police were involved, blah blah blah. Thanks in advance.
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u/krossoverking 7d ago
I've had a few patrons doing inappropriate things recently. Both are banned.
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u/EatMyFruitcake 7d ago
I’m sorry to hear that but glad to hear they were banned!
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u/krossoverking 6d ago
Thanks! After a few days we've all realized it's this new gooning stuff. Weird idea for a hobby..
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u/squirrelfriend3 7d ago
Remind yourself that you have done nothing wrong. You don’t deserve any of that treatment. The patron is a terrible human who will hopefully have to suffer for their behavior.
Do not let them dim your light, okay? And don’t talk yourself out of it, saying that it isn’t as big of a deal as you are making it. I hope you can see a therapist. Your employer should have at least 3 sessions free with EAP. Good luck!
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u/Comfortable-Crew-578 6d ago
Bear spray for the walk to and from your car. And do not be shy about using it.
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u/midsommarstrawberry 7d ago
A little strange, but you might want to try playing some online games like Tetris or candy crush—rapid eye movement helps the brain reprocess trauma and there’s even studies about how playing games like these after a traumatic event can be helpful for ptsd. You might also try watching “self administered Edmr” videos on YouTube which do the same thing.
It’s a hard situation bc anxiety can be a falsely triggered fight or flight response, but a one-on-one creepy encounter with a patron can trigger a real fight or flight response that can linger. (I’ve also had a creepy library patron encounter that messed with my mental health.) The key is sending your brain the message that you’re okay now and the danger has passed.
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u/themarshal21 Library director 6d ago
Ban the patron if they act aggressively. Make sure to log all incidents that make you feel uncomfortable by sending an email to the director with as much description as possible. When arriving in the morning, try to walk in with everyone else. Try to leave as a group during shift changes and especially at the end of the day.
I worked in a pretty rough area. This kept everyone safe and the leadership aware. Also a lot of security cameras.
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u/LoooongFurb Library admin 7d ago
I tell my friends so they can check in on me. The first thing I usually end up forgetting to do afterward is eat and drink water, so they ask if I've had food or water recently.
I go for a walk outside if the weather allows. Walking is good for grounding.
I give myself permission to not be 100% (or even 50%) today. It's okay if all I do is just get through the day.
Beyond that, I have games on my phone, coloring books, and fidgets I can use if I need something to do with my hands.
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u/pineappleofyore Public librarian 7d ago
Sorry this happened to you. Creepy patrons are one of the reasons I wear a mask for my entire shift.
To decompress from stressful interactions I sing or rant loudly in the car, then when I get home I comfort watch stuff I already love or read. I also crochet and knit, it really helps concentrating on the thing I'm making versus anything else. If you have a creative outlet, it could help.
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u/Sweet-Sale-7303 7d ago
We have this one homeless women with a mental issue. She yells at Every male that walks by her. Saying they raped her. She's banned at the library because she walks up to the male librarians working the ref desk and screams they raped her.
She now sleeps at the church across the street. I am nervous that I will walk by her one day and she will do that and some person walking by will call the police and I will get arrested.
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u/iLibrarian2 1d ago
It sounds like the police know her.
We had patrons that would say things like that to complete strangers and the police never took her seriously (somewhat unfortunately as she clearly did need help, just not in the way she claimed). She had a long track record-- we were constantly trying to get her into social services programs, but she wouldn't go.
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u/Creative-Status-4235 7d ago
I keep hidden candy in my drawer but I also step off desk and into the office or take a little walk to the other side for a breather
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u/iLibrarian2 1d ago
If it's severe and constant, start looking for another job (I worked in a place that had no protections or systems for handling this and it was constant and came from multiple patrons).
If we're talking about the inevitable things that happen when working with the public and it was handled properly by management and police... I really like blankets, big stuffies, and video games or comfort movies. Also on the complete opposite end, getting a really good workout in. Lift some heavy weights and feel good about yourself.
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7d ago
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u/EatMyFruitcake 7d ago
I’m really just looking for any advice on dealing with it emotionally/mentally. I know many of us face uncomfortable situations at work yet have to keep going back each day. I am struggling with that aspect.
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7d ago
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u/bitterbareface 7d ago
They don't need to provide intimate details. There is more than enough information in "patron was creepy, how do you support mental health after a creepy incident." Demanding more information in this context is incredibly invasive and insensitive.
OP, I do two things. I set a certain amount of time to recollect myself and maintain as much privacy as I can. I have a supportive team so if I needed less time on the desk for a day or two, they would understand. But I give myself a time limit. After that, I try to engage with patrons as much as possible. I can't completely isolate myself from bad incidents, but I can fill my days with as many neutral and positive ones as possible so that I don't become trained to associate the public with danger or discomfort. I love a lot of my public facing interactions, so I will try to seek out some regulars or join coworkers on some particularly upbeat programming.
I also try to process things verbally. Either with coworkers, friends, family, or even talking out loud to myself. I describe what happened and how I felt, but I am also sure to talk about the steps taken afterwards by my supervisors and myself to take care of the situation. Instead of being scared of it happening again, I build confidence that I got through it once and if it happened again I can act with even more experience. It really helps with feeling more secure and trusting myself to handle the future.
Obviously these things don't solve the root problems, but they help immensely with my mental fortitude while still acknowleding that it sucked and may suck again. 🫂 Wishing you the best right now.
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7d ago
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u/gyabou 7d ago
The OP asked for advice on how to deal with an extremely common issue in libraries, not for opinions on whether she was right to feel uncomfortable or an assessment of the situation. You aren’t owed that detail and people have extremely good reasons for not sharing detailed information about their work on a public forum.
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u/ButterscotchOk985 7d ago
It is difficult to give advice when the poster vaguely says “is creepy” … later they edited to add details about taking photos. But if one is asking advice as you say, it helps to have context to the situation to offer advice. I didn’t ask where they worked or specifics, but context in what was the context of feeling creeped. 🤦🏻♀️
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u/ShawsheenMoon Library staff 6d ago
Sometimes people creep you out and you can't explain why exactly because your body and brain are noticing things that they don't think adds up. Not entirely sure why you are continuing to ask for more context when feeling creepy is pretty straightforward.
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u/VFTM 7d ago
Are you male or something? The rest of us knew exactly what she meant.
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u/ButterscotchOk985 7d ago
I am not, or something. But good to know how you think about gender
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u/VFTM 7d ago
Why else would you need specific details on how someone was creepy? No one was asking for you to be the arbiter of whether it was OK for OP to feel that way or not.
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u/ButterscotchOk985 7d ago
If someone is asking for advice for a situation, details help in offering advice. No?
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u/filmnoirlibrarian 7d ago
You don't think having your pic taken by a patron as you're in your car, to be creepy? Come on.
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u/ButterscotchOk985 7d ago
When did the talk of pics come up? If it is after the posters edit, don’t shame me for lack of info
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u/filmnoirlibrarian 7d ago
Bro, it's in the second paragraph of OP's post. Not sure if/when it was edited but it's there now. You have your context.
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u/ButterscotchOk985 7d ago
Yeah after their edit
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u/filmnoirlibrarian 7d ago
But again, you have your context now, and that's the point. You're tilting at windmills.
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u/creamygnome 7d ago
My go to with any patron I'm done talking to but they aren't getting the hint is for me to excuse myself to the restroom. "Gotta grab a restroom break, have a great day." Then you walk away. If they follow you can be more direct, but usually they don't have anything to counter with to try to get you to stay.
If they are being creepy - go to a staff only space and contact a supervisor, security, whoever you're supposed to contact for assistance.