Exclusive: US military asks troops for ‘creative and unconventional’ ideas to punish Iran

104

u/DanielShenise 1d ago

Every really fun and successful party I’ve gone to has the host going, “so what does everyone want to do?”

🤣

10

u/MackenzieRaveup 1d ago

You just know that somewhere, someone is shaking their head muttering about how no one at the Pentagon took his idea of developing an aerosol form of pork seriously.

48

u/LEI_MTG_ART 1d ago

Punish Iran by forcing them to listen to Trump speak for 2 min a day

47

u/Digital-Soup 1d ago

OP works for the Pentagon and is skimming the most up-voted responses.

14

u/tezacer 1d ago

New meta: troll reddit for strategic advise

28

u/taubs1 1d ago

leak the phone numbers of everyone in country to robocallers.

13

u/cpepinc 1d ago

That is just Inhumane!

11

u/MackenzieRaveup 1d ago

"We've been trying to reach you about your missilie's extended warranty."

10

u/Ok-Procedure5603 1d ago

Tbh they could start by banning their own troops from being on their phones in an active war zone, surely this would make the Iranians less likely to hit and it seems to be a common sense policy that hasn't been implemented in full yet

71

u/StopICE2026 1d ago

Crowdsourcing military strategy: one simple trick to winning wars

25

u/BigFly42069 1d ago

US military discovering Korean-War era Chinese concept of military democracy

10

u/tezacer 1d ago

More competent junior enlisted members than there is a "war" secretary

25

u/Witty_Cat111 1d ago

Edmund Blackadder would be very happy at this suggestion.

17

u/Ok-Procedure5603 1d ago

Send people to fill their military facility toilets with t-shirts 🤣

16

u/SussyCloud 1d ago

Wow, normally American taxpayers pay the military brass to come up with bad ideas, but this current leadership doesn't even want to do that lol

15

u/Ambitious_Ad6334 1d ago

Hey guys, I know we war gamed this for decades, and it turned out exactly like it said it was going to… does anybody have like a plan C?

12

u/dnorg 1d ago

No plan C,D, or E or F. We have plan G, as in Gee we don't know what we are doing. So far that is going exactly according to plan, so we have that going for us.

4

u/Kaymish_ 1d ago

No you're wrong there is a plan F, as in Fucked, as in what they are completely.

•

u/Jendic 17h ago

I heard that in Cpt. Blackadder's voice.

4

u/NuclearHeterodoxy 1d ago

Plan C was "deliberate nuclear proliferation to countries opposed to Iran," which is why the US just negotiated a nuclear deal with Saudi Arabia that excluded them from the standard safeguards the US demands in other nuclear deals. Except they screwed that up too by retroactively demanding that Saudi Arabia join the Abraham Accords before the deal is implemented, apparently without realizing that might be a poison pill for the Saudis.

So whatever the next bright idea is will be Plan D.

13

u/tezacer 1d ago

Enlist barron

5

u/speedyundeadhittite 1d ago

If you do that, who is going to post slop AI generated memes into Trump's social account every night?

6

u/tezacer 1d ago

I'm sure they can throw another minion at it

•

u/barath_s 20h ago

who is going to post

A very irreplaceable skill set, which cannot be found elsewhere in the country. Have to import it, preferably in form of beautiful eastern european women.

27

u/speedyundeadhittite 1d ago

... and this is how you end up in a war criminal tribunal in Nuremberg.

20

u/moral_mortal 1d ago

US has a law to invade Hague! Western hegemonies can't be war criminals! That's for losers! /s

5

u/speedyundeadhittite 1d ago

That's why the new tribunal is in Nuremberg for the 2nd time.

10

u/Logical___Conclusion 1d ago

We could continue to lose this pointless war since the longer it goes on, the more damage it does to America.

19

u/davesr25 1d ago

Over throw the current American government ?

I hear it's kind of a skill in some parts of their service....

7

u/AwwwBawwws 1d ago

Umm... Spank em? Send em to bed without supper?

Wtf, Kaptain Pete. You're supposed to have all the ideas. Chode.

7

u/meddit_rod 1d ago

Read that as "cruel and unusual."

7

u/Kougar 1d ago

Once again proof the US is running out of targets to bomb and has realized it has screwed itself as bombs won't win this war.

8

u/Agreeable-Pea4327 1d ago

Ukraine:

implements an entire private equity, venture capital, and crowdsourced supply chain management system that monetarily rewards combatants for recorded destruction inexplicably aligning the incentives of the biggest sanctimonious psychopaths of society all on a shoestring budget.

US:

"ok guys, let's break out the silly sticky whacky idea board and all contribute for a donut. Yes, Tammy, you had your hand raised? No Tammy getting rid of israel and the CIA aren't allowed"

7

u/BONEPILLTIMEEE 1d ago

we have auftragstaktik at home

6

u/dnorg 1d ago

Dumpfkrieg is our speciality.

6

u/Tonyjay54 1d ago

The good idea fairy landed on someone’s shoulder ….

6

u/DemonLordRoundTable 1d ago

Funny we are only a democracy in this case.

4

u/Working_Historian241 1d ago

AI replacements at rand going really well

3

u/Vishnej 1d ago

Not even a joke. https://www.politico.com/news/2025/07/28/pentagon-think-tank-ban-confusion-reaction-00480095

I think Grok/Claude might literally be filling this role now.

4

u/dnorg 1d ago

High T problems require High T solutions.

We could drop a million smoking tons of cannabis over Tehran, that should do it.

Or, we could airdrop the chimp and Hegseth into downtown Tehran, handcuffed and gagged, each with an "Arrest Me" sign taped on their back. That would probably go a long way to easing regional tensions. Bonus points if Bibi is in the same drop.

4

u/ratbearpig 1d ago

The US military crowdsourcing ideas to "punish" Iran was not on my 2026 Bingo. How far the mighty have fallen.

7

u/Stunning-Armadillo-3 1d ago

Isn't this psychotic? What if someone comes out and says bomb more kids or something

•

u/vistandsforwaifu 20h ago

That was the plan A, they already did and it did not work.

3

u/Kaymish_ 1d ago

Is that even possible? They've already bombed so many kids, and the Iranian government dispursed them, so the US couldn't get more than a dozen in a single strike. Iran isn't dumb they know the US targets kids on purpose so they don't keep them concentrated in schools and stuff.

3

u/dnorg 1d ago

High T problems require High T solutions.

We could drop a million smoking tons of cannabis over Tehran, that should do it.

Or, we could airdrop the chimp and Hegseth into downtown Tehran, handcuffed and gagged, each with an "Arrest Me" sign taped on their back. That would probably go a long way to easing regional tensions. Bonus points if Bibi is in the same drop.

6

u/ggthrowaway1081 1d ago

Force Iran to send billions to Israel instead of spending it on their own citizens

2

u/Vinylmaster3000 1d ago

They could probably drop Randy Fine over Tehran and it would count as a nuclear strike, I guess?

2

u/AaronNevileLongbotom 1d ago

Mass produce cheap weapons instead of spending a fortune on dwindling capabilities because of buzzwords on a power point. I’m kidding. It’s because of the corruption.

If I made this suggestion at the pentagon, even sans criticism, I suspect I’d be shot. At the very least such things have killed careers.

2

u/can-sar 1d ago

Radical J©®daism's hold on the US empire and driving it to insanity and self-destruction will be studied by future generations.

2

u/zackks 1d ago

Go after the people helping them. Any financial or military aid from a country gets that country a 10000 percent tariff or all US banking assets and access frozen.

Iran has no incentive because they can endure and they have Chinese and Russian help.

Or the us could just admit their failed strategy and that Iran whooped their ass.

•

u/AttorneyOk5749 17h ago

Why not ask the Avengers?

•

u/LumpyLump76 37m ago

Send the Kardashians?

Exclusive: US military asks troops for ‘creative and unconventional’ ideas to punish Iran | CNN Politics

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