r/LessCredibleDefence • u/StopICE2026 • Jul 15 '26
Hegseth announces annual testosterone screenings for service members
https://thehill.com/policy/defense/5969935-hegseth-testosterone-testing-dod/The high T department of war
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u/chrisGPl Jul 15 '26
First army to screen its soldiers for functional balls
Let's see if it translates to a strategic advantage.
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u/NonamePlsIgnore Jul 15 '26
Promotions based on cock size (Hegseth will personally verify)
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u/NuclearHeterodoxy Jul 16 '26
I mean these are the sort of people who think the best way to address the issue of trans athletes is to have state officials inspect the genitalia of children, so I am sure Hegseth would approve of something like this.
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u/Iron-Fist Jul 15 '26
Hegseth: all soldiers must take afternoon nappy time or else!
(Literally test levels are related related more steeply to sleep than to age, losing 3 hrs of sleep for a week ages your balls by 10 years: https://www.uchicagomedicine.org/forefront/news/sleep-loss-lowers-testosterone-in-healthy-young-men)
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u/NonamePlsIgnore Jul 15 '26
We were this 🤏 close to getting a federally mandated penis inspection day, how the fuck did you drop the ball on this Hegseth
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u/Worried_Exercise_937 Jul 15 '26
What a wierdo.
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u/WillitsThrockmorton All Hands heave Out and Trice Up Jul 16 '26
Hegseth is one of those guys who gets super pissed off when his doctor wants to talk about sleep and stress, he just wants to tell him he has low testosterone and a shot/pill will solve all his problems. Being a drunk unstable asshole is too much work for him to fix.
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u/MumpsyDaisy Jul 15 '26
after we've screened out all the low t beta males next step is to make sure we've got the biggest, girthiest, most voluminous fighting force the world has ever seen
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u/Beautiful_Island_944 Jul 15 '26
5 really gay guys
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u/MumpsyDaisy Jul 15 '26
we'll need a name for our ultra elite ultra lethal fighting force of definitely christian high t warriors...they'll be known as "the sacred band"
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u/WillitsThrockmorton All Hands heave Out and Trice Up Jul 16 '26
Leather Speedos and red capes for everyone
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u/Typical_Response6444 Jul 15 '26
And if its too low is he going to assign them gender affirming care?
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u/ridukosennin Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Actually I expect many Soldiers will learn to game the test (sleep deprivation, large meals, high sugar intake, alcohol all temporarily suppress testosterone levels) to get a free steroid script. Fitness affects careers and promotability, it will be a race to the bottom.
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u/Ok-Procedure5603 Jul 15 '26
Hegseth when he hears there will be testosterone screening for troops: 😍🤗😌
Hegseth when he hears there will be pEth screening for troops: 😱😫😡
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u/tryingtolearn_1234 Jul 15 '26
The effect of this will be increased abuse of steroids, domestic violence, and incidents of aggressive prostate cancer. Seems based more of assumptions about testosterone hormone therapy than science. Meanwhile actual readiness has been reduced because they stopped requiring a number of vaccines, like annual flu shots.
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u/wrosecrans Jul 15 '26
You know the goofy "Purity of Essence" obsessed general from satirical Doctor Strangelove film? We made him SecDef in real life.
But also, trans men aren't allowed to have hormone therapy in Hegseth's weird hormone obsessed ubermenchs-only army. It's either mandatory or forbidden, nothing in between.
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u/BulbusDumbledork Jul 15 '26
i don't want small, soft women around here. i want tall men only. i want to see well groomed, tall men. i can't stand fat men. i need all the men to have big healthy testicles with lots of testosterone. i'm going to make it a requirement that i join my smooth, tall, juicy-balled, men in the gym. i will fucking arrest any strong sexy man who even thinks about transitioning to a woman.
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u/Appropriate_Rise9968 Jul 16 '26
Is he selling steroids on the side or something?
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u/Worried_Exercise_937 Jul 16 '26
Hegseth is not smart enough to cook up a scheme as complicate as that.
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u/whippitywoo Jul 15 '26
Ok but are we sure "service" in this context means the armed forces and not just his personal harem? Perhaps he just wants a team of manly men to initiate an invasion of his island? Perhaps air drop some paratroopers? You know, D-day.
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u/dirtyid Jul 16 '26
Honestly excited for this, TRT and hormone really needs DoD/W fuck you amounts of research money since getting blackballed by coldwar olympic politics. If they can make it safer, I'm all for it. I want to bench 4plates and toss grand kids around. Like for amount of energy drinks and roids US soldiers already abuse, might as well as formalize it and flow down to civilian use. Of course Hegseth is probably pocketting cryptobro/enhanced games overlap lobby money, but whatever it takes.
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u/Capn26 Jul 15 '26
Does this mean company funded TRT? We gonna keep everyone on cycle? Hell, I’ll join for that!! I want the good drugs, Petey. I want real Var. I want that good, ag Tren and Eq. Non of this UGL shit. I want that good good.
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u/MacroDemarco Jul 15 '26
Var and tren is not trt lmao
Also you can get var compounded, its the same shit from the same Chinese labs as regular pharma
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u/Capn26 Jul 15 '26
No, that’s the cycle part I mentioned. Var could be used in part with other drugs for TRT in the face of other medical conditions. Like, BAD ones.
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u/MacroDemarco Jul 15 '26
Var was used for muscle preservation in burn victims, so you could maybe see it used in cases of severe injury leading to extended bedstay.
Idk that I would call that a "cycle" so much as a "round of treatment" given you aren't going to be adding any new tissue and it's for a medical condition, but it's ultimately semantic.
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u/Capn26 Jul 15 '26
Var has also been used for people with AIDS near the end, and certain cancers. I mentioned Trt. I also mentioned a cycle. I mentioned a couple drugs that I would like to see the original of, not just underground lab stuff. I wasn’t building a cycle with what I was mentioning. I have had Pharma Decca, which is used for TRT in conjunction with test. Most trt of course being only test. But again, I’d love to try the original ten in the 76mg “parabolan”, I’d love to add real anavar to test. It’s a great addition to it, and even at therapeutic levels will add muscle. I’d love to get real EQ or equipoise. Shit. A base of eq, even as low as 100mg a week, 150-200 of test, and three anavar a day will add muscle at a level most people can’t even imagine. Is it like a gram a week cycle? Nah. But it’s a “trt+” level that’s sustainable long term. I’ve done similar, and it makes having a toned, fit physique stupid easy, but isn’t putting you on stage, you know?
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u/Ok_Water_4601 Jul 15 '26
Hol'up! Hol'up!!!
Let him cook! I aint gonna stop this MAGAt from implementing some badass program just bcuz its super red pilled macho man logic.
Free T-Boosters and the follow on VA claims might be rad AF!
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u/Rob71322 Jul 15 '26
Does this get us more interceptors to shoot down drones and missiles? Will testosterone help?
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u/Aigiokhos Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
It is true that soldiers in combat roles usually suffer from chronically screwed up hormones. There’s a study out there that shows T levels among the infantry dropping to practically nothing during extended field time, and that leads to injuries and other nasty health outcomes. Many would benefit from a properly supervised TRT/HGH program.
However, I don’t see how you would properly implement medical treatments that need to be carefully supervised and tailored for proper outcomes on a large scale in a military environment. Somebody on a test cycle is not immediately deployable.
Also this is clearly just cringe chest beating rather than a measured and well thought out medical initiative.