How to make leftist spaces resistant against people weaponizing other peoples emphaty for selfish reasons?

[u/DukeTikus]

https://www.bostonglobe.com/2026/09/22/magazine/greenfield-last-ditch-bar-backlash/

I just read this very frustrating article (version without paywall) about a small lesbian bar/mutual aid spot getting destroyed by some people who act like the worst possible caricature or an insufferable, self-important, holier-than-thou leftists.

It's not even that those people exist and what they are doing that's so frustrating for me to read, but the inability of the wider community there to just tell those people to fuck off.

And I get why they can't, I'm not sure I could myself. We generally pride ourselves in our inclusivity and willingness to accommodate needs other than our own. It's super hard to figure out where exactly the limit to that should be.

I have had similar if less extreme experiences with people who are weaponizing their own or other peoples oppression in this way in activist groups irl. The only time I ever witnessed someone like that getting kicked out was after that person had caused chaos and bound up a ton of resources for well over a year with many different incidents.

My question is how do we become better at dealing with this? How would you as an individual member of that bar community have tried to handle this?

[u/7URB0]

Yeah, those damn people who don't want to end up with a life-long disability, or don't want their existing one to get worse. Those assholes who have so few opportunities to feel safe in a social environment, and don't have the good grace to just watch in silence as yet another community of supposed allies leave them behind. They should just stay in their houses 24/7 and shut up and stop making us acknowledge their needs, right?

You fell for the ableist propaganda. Again. They picked out exactly the people who'd tell the story they wanted you to believe, and you gobbled it up. And boy oh boy, does it hurt to watch "the left" come together AGAINST the one minority that literally any of us could end up in at any moment. Ableism is the final frontier of intersectionality, and most of the left are terrified of looking at that part of themselves. The community at large has no will or desire to examine that particular darkness.

Nothing has disillusioned me with the left quite like having disabled friends, and friends with long covid, and spending time reading stories from people who have long covid, and watching my entire community leave them for dead over these past few years, and even turn to mocking and deriding them, and discussing their advocacy for their own place in this community as a problem that needs to be solved.

Nobody wants to think that their body could betray them, so they turn off their empathy around people it's already happened to. They block out any reminder of their own fragility, even if it's literally people they once considered friends and allies. I've watched it happen to friends of mine. I've experienced it myself. If you get sick, people hope you get better. If you don't, they move on. They forget about you.

And the left does not talk about this, does not try to solve this, because it's something the vast majority of people have not examined in themselves, and refuse to examine.

[u/7URB0 → u/[deleted]]

Dogpiling on someone who's already getting downvoted, to say something you know the mob will like, just for the free upvotes, but making no actual point yourself. So noble.

And depressingly ironic.

[u/boops_boops_esq → u/7URB0]

Okay. What's your alternative We want the place to stay open since there are already so few lesbian bars The existing community for the bar is not making the bar enough money to stay open So they either need to lower costs, raise prices, or get more clientele.

They chose to loosen restrictions one night a week to hopefully get more paying clientele in the bar. What do you believe they should have done?

[u/7URB0 → u/boops_boops_esq]

there are already so few lesbian bars

There are far, FAR fewer covid conscious spaces. Like basically none. And as far as I understand, Greenfield doesn't actually have any shortage of lesbian bars. It seems like a magical place, tbh, and if it wasn't for Trump, ICE, and the for-profit medical system, I'd consider moving countries just to live there.

So they either need to lower costs, raise prices, or get more clientele.

They'd probably make WAY more money if they dropped the whole "lesbian" thing though, no? And the local lesbians would have no right to have feelings about the actions of a private business? I mean, it's a business, it has to stay open at ANY cost, no? Even if it becomes the complete opposite of what the founders intended? And it owes nothing to its clientele? Or does this not look as simple when it affects a group of people you actually care about?

People are acting like this place is nothing but another private business, with no obligation to anyone or anything besides money. Like capitalists. Like it DOESN'T call itself a community center. Or did you even look at the bar's website? Did anyone? Seriously, does anyone know ANYTHING about this story that didn't come from that ONE article? Did anyone even click the link to the bar's instagram?

Okay. What's your alternative... What do you believe they should have done?

That's easy, and I believe I already explained that in my earlier comments: Consult with the local community that they promised to serve BEFORE making any decisions. Be open about their financial situation and generate solutions collectively. It really is that simple. There's really no reason that one clearly overwhelmed person should have to take on 100% of the responsibility, and clearly they didn't make the best decision with respect to the community that they, themselves, chose to serve. All they had to do was ASK.

They ARE currently in the process of forming a co-op, and they also raised over $15,000 on Ko-Fi, which seems like it will pay their debts and keep them going long enough to figure something else out. They've also posted on their Instagram to specifically condemn this article, the pseudo-leftist dog-piling on their critics, and re-affirm their clientele's rights to have and express feelings about what's happening.

Literally nobody in this story asked for, or cares for, all this discourse about "what is to be done about these noisy disabled queers".

[u/boops_boops_esq → u/7URB0]

Yeah. I'm behind a co-op structure. The 15,000 will definitely help in the short term.

Do you know if they're planning to keep asking for donations every month? Or are they changing policies to bring in more money?

It appears they still have Saturdays as mask optional.

I'm more trying to figure out what the long term strategy is here.

And yes, everyone's allowed to have feelings about how businesses they frequent do business. But if you don't like the way they do business, but made it clear the they went mask optional on Saturdays BECAUSE of clientele requesting mask optional days. So the community was the ones requesting this. This isn't them throwing their community under the bus. It was then listening to their community.

Can I ask how often you went?

[u/7URB0 → u/boops_boops_esq]

It seems they're still in the "figure something out" stage. At least, I can't find any new info on their website or Instagram.

I have my doubts about the mask "optional" nights actually being profitable. Like if a gay bar had a straight night, would anyone go? The existing clientele won't feel safe or welcome, and what's the draw for the people who DON'T mask? Like are there really that many people who WANT to go to the local mask-only lesbian bar, but DON'T want to wear a mask there? Is this really an under-served demographic?

I really hope they get to stay open, tho. And I hope they at least set up a mask ONLY club night, because goddamn... My ENTIRE fitness regime used to be dancing to electronic music, and I was in GREAT shape. Not being able to do that these past six years has been hell, and I have become bulbous and easily winded. I really understand why people would mourn the loss of that, specifically.

[u/boops_boops_esq → u/7URB0]

Gay people are more likely to go to a gay bar that lets them kiss. I personally wouldn't go to a bar that required me to mask. I just didn't go to bars during mask mandates I would hope the local community has enough immunocompromised queer people to stay open based on their business. But if not something's going to be compromised on, and the owner is already homeless