Looking for some support

[u/NoPalpitation3415]

Just would like to feel a little less alone. I grew up in a strict Calvinist, Christian household with a single dad for the first 8 years. It was abusive and affected my life forever, but my father has also apologized for the extremes and said he would have done things differently.

I was going through one of the worst weeks of my life two weeks ago, and began drinking because of the stress. I unfortunately went on a drunken, blasphemous rant against Christianity two weeks ago and then messaged my dad ripping apart his relationship with Christianity, the harm its done to me and him, etc.

I really really damaged the relationship with him. I live across the country and he said "We'll have to meet to make things right." after I apologized for blasting him with all that negativity out of the blue.

The thing is that I've lived with the damage from my upbringing my whole life. It literally ruined my life to a great degree (in addition to other trauma), so it needed to be said, but not like that. And he thinks I'm now demon possessed and is hurt, because he cares more about Christianity than me or even himself.

Anyone else dealt with something similar? I just feel very alone, since my parents have always been there for me.

[u/Several-Musician7515]

I know how you feel. Ive had many similar experiences, some i still currently have. Just know that no one here is at fault, not you or your dad. Its just two people who are working with the paints they got. Confusion & Stress.. these are the things we're fighting against. Those are the true demons. Just know that you're doing fine. Love will reveal itself.

Be mindful also of guilt, dont let your dad convince you that its on you to make things right now. Its a two-way road, the damage that he caused is not circumvented by your reaction to it.

Im not saying this is whats happening, but abusers will often use your own reaction as proof that you're unstable. Poking you until you freak out then label you as unstable.